Personal Development School
Personal Development School
Are You a Child of Narcissistic Parents? Here are 13 Major Traits You May Have
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Thais
Hi, my name is Thais Gibson and the owner and founder of the Personal Development School.
This is your daily break through video.
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Thais
And today we're going to talk about 13 qualities of the female narcissistic personality. So I'm doing a whole.
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Series on this.
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Right now because I've just there's so many individuals who have been impacted by a narcissistic.
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Parent or a parents or.
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Coworkers, bosses.
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Authority figures.
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And romantic.
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Relationships.
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Of course. And so I just want to dive into.
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Creating a whole series around this.
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It's been getting so.
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Many requests, and I see this popping up everywhere.
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And so the series.
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I'm creating right now.
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Is I'm going to go into the core qualities of the female narcissist, and then I'm going to go into qualities of the narcissistic mother father, how to recognize a.
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Narcissist early on in the relationship.
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And then.
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A lot of reprograming and re patterning.
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Exercise and tools that will be available to you just for how to heal from narcissistic abuse if this is you. So we're going to do a doing just today.
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Like a really.
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Educational video. Not so much.
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Reprograming patterning yet, but that will be a part of the series. I also, of course, it's.
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Coming out that I'll be doing on narcissistic abuse specifically, and I'll just be a little bit more in depth than you can get in this video or these videos, this whole series. If you haven't had a chance already, please go check out the courses.
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That we're launching.
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We're launching in just a few weeks. I'm so excited and pouring my heart into this. And if you're getting a lot of value out of these videos, these courses are like a thousand times better. They come with deep.
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Reprograming patterning exercises for any.
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Challenge or issue that you're facing. They come with workbooks and intense in-depth content. You'll understand root causes kinds of communication tools, like.
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Literally everything.
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That I could think of or focus on and put into a course. So I'm really excited to be sharing stuff with you guys. So we're still launching or we still are making available.
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Early bird pricing right now.
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So again, go to WW Personal Development School dot com.
Do you want to reserve your.
Seat you can.
Literally just put in your name your information which courses.
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You want to reserve and we'll send you these.
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Coupons when we're when we're.
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In the week of launch. So without further ado let's get into this. So how I'm going to actually structure this video, too, by the way, is I'm going to give you the.
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Overall general traits of the narcissist.
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That are in the DSM. And so this is like.
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The criteria I.
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Used basically to diagnose narcissistic personality.
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Disorder.
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I'm going to give these things to you guys, like just the actual information, and then I'm going to go into how a lot of the times female narcissist presents and even more specific qualities that.
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You can recognize, especially in the early stages of a relationship.
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So that you can have a little bit more of specific.
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Traits or.
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Patterns.
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That you can recognize in this individual's.
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Personality. And I want to give you a little bit of similarities as well, not just the differences between male and female narcissists. So in the DSM, you need to have at least five of these nine qualities that I will be listing in order to be diagnosed as a narcissist. This is according to the Diagnostic Diagnostic and Statistical Manual that is out in the.
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Most recent years.
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So this is the 20 or 2018, I believe so DSM five. So number one.
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The first quality is a grandiose.
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Sense of self-importance. So what this really means is you might see this person always putting themselves first. You might see them putting their needs ahead of others, assuming that that's the way it should be, valuing and sort of caring about their own opinions and feelings way more than that anybody else's. And just sort of having this error like I'm the best.
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I'm I'm number one and sort of treating themselves that way and basically expecting that other people treat them that way. Also, number two, the narcissist tends to be preoccupied with these fantasies of unlimited success, power, beauty, brilliance or love. So sometimes I'll see narcissism. It's so interesting. Will come in and they'll they'll they're often actually sent by their loved one and they come in for very specific reasons, like if they do something really.
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Terrible and they're trying to sort of.
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Like get back in the relationship if.
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They come in to work on themselves.
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But honestly, quite rarely. And they will tend to oftentimes, at least the ones that I see most often, where they're.
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To fix a relationship.
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Have this ideal set up of like, oh, you know, I'm going to have the best relationship ever when this is resolved. And and nobody has the love that I have or nobody has the connection that myself and my wife have or nobody has the connection that myself and my.
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Girlfriend have, or.
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Sort of these, like.
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Very.
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Grandiose ideals about the best connection, the most love. Nobody understands what it's like to love like this or, you know, and it's not just in the form of love, but again, in terms of success, like nobody understand what I've done to get to where I am. Nobody could have a brilliance and often see the brilliance sort of exemplified in that if if people only knew how smart I was or if people people aren't on my level, they can't even keep up with me, I'll hear things like this or power.
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One day I'm going to be taking over this entire area or this. And there's a lot.
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Of these sort.
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Of fantasies of no limitation perfection. Next level, next next level. Unrelatable levels from from myself to other people. And so there's there's this aspect of it that's for somebody who's not educated about the narcissists can be kind of like, wow, what a special person. Oh, wow. You know, they really believe in themselves or look at how amazing they are.
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And narcissists tend to be quite successful the vast majority of the time. So this is the case then it's easy to sort of buy in as well. Oh, how wonderful this will be. And the narcissist kind of you know, they have this captivating. This isn't one of the qualities of them, but they have this captivating ability to, like, take you out of your body and out of your own feelings and sensations and intuition, because their.
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Story or their narrative.
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They're amazing.
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Storytellers.
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A lot of the time, and they can be so captivating and so charismatic that you kind of lose.
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Your sense of what you're feeling.
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From this experience or.
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Your intuition. If there's any doubts or any confusion.
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You tend to be like almost disconnected from that in.
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Yourself.
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And all.
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In their narrative because.
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They're so captivating, almost hypnotizing. And this is one of the.
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Core qualities that they use consciously or unconsciously.
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To sort of real people in a little bit because they can tell when somebody's being drawn.
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In or even just.
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Their empathy when somebody is being pulled inwards and they tend to be able to sort of exploit that a little bit. So that brings me to the next point.
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Third point in the DSM.
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Is that the narcissist believes that they are special or unique, and a lot of the times this manifests them only wanting to be around like minded.
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Or other high powered, amazing.
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People. And so there's this sort of disconnect from this belief that, you know, everybody's equal and people's feelings.
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And needs are equal and should be treated that.
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Way. And we can have differences of opinions, but those are just disagreements based on beliefs.
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And patterns and programing.
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And that's like, there's this I am up here and.
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This is sort.
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Of this exclusive area and I should only.
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Be around.
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These sorts of people. And they may not always only be around high status people or high powered people and try to do that, but they at least believe that that's who they are. And number four, this personality.
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Requires excessive admiration.
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And this is.
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Really hard.
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To miss in the narcissist. They are always looking for that supply. So they're looking for your empathy or your energy and supply in that way. But they're.
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Especially looking for like your attention, your validation.
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You saying how amazing they are, Are you giving to them what their.
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Needs are in terms.
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Of like, Oh, yes, you are amazing. Oh, yes, you are the best.
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Are all you've been through so much. So they're constantly.
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Seeking that validation and feel I'll get into this in later.
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Parts of the theories for really how.
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To deal with this. If this is a family member.
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A friend.
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A loved one, a partner, a husband or wife, a child, I'll get into a lot of this. But this is really like a a child and not a child intellectually, but a child emotionally trapped in an adult's body who's intellectualized and.
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Has progressed in terms of their intellectual.
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Intelligence. But emotionally, they're caught in this.
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Very.
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Self-Absorbed child.
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Emotionally immature space because there's some kind of major wound or brokenness.
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That occurred along the way.
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And it's really important, as you do work around the.
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Narcissist, to learn how to forgive yourself.
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And to forgive this person for any.
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Abuse that has been caused. But I.
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Will express with the.
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Utmost importance that forgiveness does not.
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Mean bringing this person back into your life.
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Forgiveness does not mean letting down boundaries, letting this person back in this person, unless.
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They are doing a tremendous amount of work and.
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Healing, which honestly.
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Takes place over a period of time for the sake of personality.
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And they rarely tend to want to.
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Do work in.
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Healing again. Because if.
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You think you're perfect.
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And which a lot of them truly believe, at least at a semi-conscious level, you don't think.
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They have any work to do. So it's quite rare that the.
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Narcissist takes action to heal. I have seen it when they do come in and I have helped actually.
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Literally heal.
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And become wonderful and empathetic people.
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But it's rare and it's rare that they go.
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Anyway, I'm kind of getting off track.
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It's rare that they go to.
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Therapy in the first place, unless there's been some kind of major catalyst response.
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That's created this.
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So you want to be really.
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Clear that when you look at this person through that.
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Lens of, okay, you know what, they're just a wounded person and.
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Hurt people, do hurtful.
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Things instead of looking at that and then going, oh, so I feel badly for them and I empathize with them and I let them back into my life to know that.
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Part of forgiveness is to recognize.
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And understand why people do what they do and why they can be so hurtful and.
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To learn to let.
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It go and and come from that space of compassion, but not using that space of compassion to.
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Then turn around.
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And allow yourself to.
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Be further abused by this person or to put their needs had to be in some way. And there's a major.
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Major line that has to be drawn. So the next piece, number five, the narcissist is very entitled.
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So they believe that they are first.
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They believe that their needs are first. They believe that you owe them. If they give to you, you now owe them ten times as much or.
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They're always keeping track of anything.
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They give. And honestly, quite often using that as some kind of.
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Strategy to later get.
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Something from you.
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Especially approval or validation.
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Or appreciation, you.
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Can never appreciate.
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Enough. And number six, the narcissist tends to be quite exploit of others, so they'll exploit others. And this can be in.
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A number of different ways.
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It's going to be emotionally like taking a ton of emotional energy and supply and and not thinking about the impact that that has obviously on another person. This can be.
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Resources.
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Power, money, this can be all sorts of different things, but they tend to be in it for what they can get from others. And they're always keeping this very strong tally of Am I getting what.
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I deserve here? And if they don't, they.
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Punish and the punishment can be yelling or diminishing or all kinds of different things like that. Number seven, they lack empathy. Now, this is a really interesting one because sometimes the narcissist will empathize.
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As a strategy.
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To really back in. And so they can appear to be quite empathetic sometimes the narcissist as well. If it's their child, they tend to empathize sometimes quite well because they love a child like an extension of themselves. So if they just love differently.
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In a romantic relationship, it's very rare that they empathize everywhere.
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So last empathy doesn't mean they never empathize, ever.
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I think a lot.
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Of people get hung up and sometimes even justify that their partner's not a narcissist when it's.
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Clear in many other areas that they are.
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They don't always lack empathy. They lack means it's not impossible or they're incapable. It means that they.
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Very rarely take part.
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In empathizing. And it's interesting too, because narcissists can be quite like emotionally available in certain ways sometimes. And this can be where people get.
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Tricky or get tricked or real.
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Then and and and sometimes it's just a big act, honestly. Sometimes they have a great capacity to just put on emotions and present that side. And if it's a strategy to get something from you, it's more supply.
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Or whatever else it might be.
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Resources, whatever it might be, they might empathize with you. Again, it's a strategy to to take something later. So another quality number eight is that they tend to be.
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Very envious.
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Of others, or they believe that everybody's envious of them. And it can go both or it can go one or the other. A lot of the time. Sometimes I'll see narcissist say like, Oh, everybody's just jealous of me. And, you know, I can understand that because I wouldn't be jealous of others and things like that where they can be a little bit one sided on that point number nine.
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And so this is the last major criteria in the DSM. And again, these things tend to be pervasive. You need five of these nine, but these things tend to be pervasive. So they don't tend to be like a little you know, sometimes an individual is going to have a moment of a fantasy about success or.
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Love, right?
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Sometimes a person's going to feel like they're having a moment where they need it.
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Validation or admiration.
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Those things are not pervasive. Those are human moments and those are needs. It's when this is pervasive.
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It's all over.
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It's nonstop, it's excessive, and it's when you're getting at least five of these.
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That's when you're looking.
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At somebody with narcissistic personality disorder. So number nine is that they tend to be quite arrogant in their attitudes or behaviors. So they'll tend to sort of, I'm the best and always thought of. A lot of times when you get condescending, it look down on other people, say negative things about other people and they show up and they can be quite hurtful and dismissive of other people.
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And other people can make a lot of aloof towards people's needs and empathizing.
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And caring.
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If they're not in in.
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A relationship or.
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Dynamic to get something from somebody. So those are nine of the policemen. DSM Now females, when we talk about female narcissists, they tend to be quite.
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A bit more covert.
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So this isn't always the case. But just because when we look at society, you think.
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Of how your pattern or condition historically, at least.
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The man should be successful and powerful and strong. And so that's the male narcissist. If he knows that those are the messages.
00;16;01;27 - 00;16;05;10
Thais
That he's getting for what makes him special or good or.
00;16;05;12 - 00;16;31;05
Thais
You know, empowered in a male role, then obviously he's going to be seeking out those things a lot of the time. The female, what are you supposed to be? You're supposed to be good and good enough and beautiful and sometimes even like a good caretaker provider, this kind of female soul. So a lot of times female narcissists tend to be a little bit more.
00;16;31;08 - 00;16;32;01
Thais
Overt.
00;16;32;04 - 00;16;33;11
Thais
And even tend to have.
00;16;33;17 - 00;16;34;13
Thais
Certain qualities.
00;16;34;13 - 00;16;37;16
Thais
That seem as if they can be a little bit.
00;16;37;16 - 00;16;38;23
Thais
Empathetic. So we're going to go into.
00;16;38;23 - 00;16;50;17
Thais
Some of those. I'm just going to give you some really general qualities first, that both female and male nurses will share so that aren't listed in the DSM. Like, obviously they tend to be quite manipulative.
00;16;50;17 - 00;16;51;23
Thais
Obviously, they tend to require a.
00;16;51;23 - 00;16;57;07
Thais
Lot of that narcissistic supply which sort of touches on some other points. They tend to be.
00;16;57;07 - 00;16;57;14
Thais
Very.
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Thais
Charismatic, both males and females. They tend to be very good at gaslighting. They can tell you one thing and you'll have one experience will tell you that it's something else and twist you.
00;17;11;19 - 00;17;12;17
Thais
And then you around.
00;17;12;17 - 00;17;14;04
Thais
Making notes, your.
00;17;14;04 - 00;17;14;24
Thais
Own feelings and.
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Thais
Opinions. So they tend to love from.
00;17;16;16 - 00;17;20;20
Thais
Right away, right in the beginning of a relationship as a strategy.
00;17;20;22 - 00;17;28;02
Thais
They tend to be very focused on achievements, know what they can do, who they can become is sort of seeking out that power.
00;17;28;02 - 00;17;33;07
Thais
Obviously very status driven as well. Power is driven.
00;17;33;09 - 00;17;55;26
Thais
Tend to blame a lot. And in the in the female narcissist, they tend to get a lot of their supply through playing the victim role. So the female narcissist in a dating situation tends to put a lot of emphasis around sexuality. So not always, but more and more often than not, they tend to be very sexual in the beginning.
00;17;55;26 - 00;17;57;21
Thais
Stages of a relationship.
00;17;57;23 - 00;18;00;21
Thais
They tend to just like the male mind. Just just want to.
00;18;00;24 - 00;18;02;04
Thais
Bring you out of your body and.
00;18;02;04 - 00;18;04;17
Thais
Into that fantasy of their brilliance and their.
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Thais
Power and their.
00;18;05;26 - 00;18;15;10
Thais
Masculinity and the love bombing and how great and amazing they are into the female narcissist plays into the same societal condition programs that a lot of us have gotten.
00;18;15;11 - 00;18;20;02
Thais
So for women, it's your body or.
00;18;20;04 - 00;18;26;25
Thais
How you look. And it's it's all these sorts of things. And so a lot of female narcissists tend to be highly sexual at.
00;18;26;25 - 00;18;28;01
Thais
The beginning of a relationship.
00;18;28;01 - 00;18;34;10
Thais
And and sort of play into that fantasy sexually of of what the man wants.
00;18;34;10 - 00;18;35;25
Thais
Right in the relationship.
00;18;35;27 - 00;18;42;27
Thais
They tend to really do a good job of making them feel like the man. So again feeding into the man's ego.
00;18;42;27 - 00;18;43;26
Thais
As this strategy to.
00;18;43;26 - 00;19;09;24
Thais
Sort of get him hooked and keep him there. And then all of a sudden it's like, oh, and there's that. They can feel that there's sort of that help and addiction that happens. And now that's when the sort of narcissistic mask for the female can start to fall off. Females, narcissistic females tend to more than make money. And though this isn't always the case, they tend to more so somebody.
00;19;09;24 - 00;19;10;21
Thais
In a relationship.
00;19;10;21 - 00;19;15;00
Thais
And then want to spend the money and they want to flaunt all the.
00;19;15;00 - 00;19;17;04
Thais
Materials and all the materials.
00;19;17;04 - 00;19;19;16
Thais
And the goods and the outfits and the handbags and.
00;19;19;16 - 00;19;20;05
Thais
The jewelry.
00;19;20;05 - 00;19;24;23
Thais
And and again, it's because this person deep down feels so.
00;19;24;23 - 00;19;28;01
Thais
Empty for who they are that these are ways.
00;19;28;01 - 00;19;43;06
Thais
Subconsciously of trying to bring in and and to fill the hole or that void of what they're feeling inside of them, which is really just a deep, deep sense of feeling not good enough and unworthy and and so again, that's not what they can grab and hoard all these materials.
That maybe I can prove my worth. So a lot of female narcissists tend to be.
00;19;48;14 - 00;19;49;29
Thais
Hyper focused on their parents.
00;19;49;29 - 00;20;05;11
Thais
Hyper focus on marrying wealthy, and then spending a lot of money to sort of fill that void. And they tend to have spending issues a lot of the time, not always, but quite often the female narcissist tends to believe that she's much.
00;20;05;11 - 00;20;06;02
Thais
Greater.
00;20;06;02 - 00;20;36;16
Thais
Than others, much better in some way. And she will often show this by being extremely gossipy, by putting other people down, by making jabs towards other individuals, by talking terribly about other people. And this can even be in the families, can be people close to her. And again, a lot of times it's either for the strategy of making myself feel better because I'm putting everybody else down and obviously you know that.
00;20;36;16 - 00;20;38;00
Thais
So that I feel like I'm.
00;20;38;03 - 00;20;40;15
Thais
Higher than or better than or greater than.
00;20;40;17 - 00;20;42;05
Thais
But also this can be a.
00;20;42;05 - 00;20;43;02
Thais
Strategy to turn.
00;20;43;02 - 00;20;44;18
Thais
People against each other to.
00;20;44;18 - 00;20;46;11
Thais
Feel like there's sort of control or power.
00;20;46;11 - 00;20;54;11
Thais
Dynamic or more often I would say most often that the female narcissist drives.
00;20;54;11 - 00;20;56;19
Thais
Like I was mentioning earlier, a lot of friend versus.
00;20;56;22 - 00;21;02;21
Thais
Supply through playing the victim. They don't for me, look at me, look at everything I'm going through. Look at this, this.
00;21;02;21 - 00;21;03;24
Thais
Painful story.
00;21;04;01 - 00;21;06;26
Thais
Of my life and look at all the things I'm suffering.
00;21;06;26 - 00;21;08;01
Thais
With or from.
00;21;08;03 - 00;21;18;20
Thais
Well, what happens? People go, Oh my goodness, poor you. So awful. And especially because in the female dynamic or the female role, I got not always the case, but.
00;21;18;20 - 00;21;19;28
Thais
Historically.
00;21;20;00 - 00;21;25;00
Thais
That that women might be saved or empathized with or seen as a damsel.
00;21;25;00 - 00;21;25;22
Thais
In distress.
00;21;25;22 - 00;21;27;01
Thais
And people come and they.
00;21;27;01 - 00;21;31;25
Thais
Give their resources, their energy, their time. They try to fix or help or save her. And those are all great.
00;21;31;25 - 00;21;49;29
Thais
Strategies for this individual to derive their supply. The last couple of major points here that I'm going to add are that a lot of times the female is always doing the one up. So let's say that you say, Oh my goodness, I had such a hard day and.
00;21;49;29 - 00;21;51;12
Thais
You want to share your feelings or express.
00;21;51;12 - 00;21;55;09
Thais
Your feelings. If people may go, do you want to know about a hard day?
00;21;55;09 - 00;21;57;08
Thais
Do you want to hear about my day?
00;21;57;11 - 00;22;06;13
Thais
And they're always in this sort of like unconscious competition. And so a lot of times anybody interacting with the female nurses will feel like, Geez, I can't get my feelings.
00;22;06;13 - 00;22;06;23
Thais
Hurt or.
00;22;06;23 - 00;22;21;15
Thais
Express because it's always going back to how terrible this person's her stuff is. And this can manifest itself in a different form to this can be, Oh my, my, I got this new handbag today and you want to see it?
00;22;21;15 - 00;22;23;15
Thais
It's super. I'm really excited about it.
00;22;23;15 - 00;22;32;15
Thais
And the female nurse will go, Oh, yeah, I have a few of those or things that are again, like always trying to prove that one up. I will going to do.
00;22;32;15 - 00;22;33;16
Thais
In a separate video again.
00;22;33;16 - 00;22;57;29
Thais
Like the narcissistic parent and how this can sort of manifest itself a little bit differently. A narcissistic parent tends to be a little more critical of their kids in certain ways. There's usually the golden child and I will go into that is everybody, because it's too much too long for this one video itself. But another couple of points here, the female nurses tend to unconsciously seek out drama all the time.
00;22;57;29 - 00;23;00;25
Thais
Again, if there's this massive void deep.
00;23;00;25 - 00;23;01;15
Thais
Down of your.
00;23;01;15 - 00;23;04;12
Thais
Self-Worth, of who you are, this sort of unconscious.
00;23;04;12 - 00;23;04;26
Thais
Identity.
00;23;04;26 - 00;23;17;21
Thais
Crisis that you're living in, and you've got this sort of lower emotional quotient and you're not able to move through your emotions and understand and process them, You're doing anything you can to fill the void, and that could be either some kind of addiction.
00;23;17;21 - 00;23;19;18
Thais
It can be through hoarding resources.
00;23;19;18 - 00;23;29;06
Thais
Money, attention, power, trying to feel like you are special by association and.
00;23;29;09 - 00;23;29;29
Thais
Interacting with.
00;23;29;29 - 00;23;31;24
Thais
Certain people.
00;23;31;27 - 00;23;33;14
Thais
Or creating drama.
00;23;33;14 - 00;23;58;12
Thais
Like making jobs news or bullying other people, antagonizing other people, being condescending like all of these things are are really attempts to fill a massive void and a big wound that it can is experiencing. And lastly, you will see a lot of the time that the female narcissist will not be capable of validating individuals feelings. So if you say I'm hurt, I'm sad right away on that.
00;23;58;12 - 00;24;02;00
Thais
Like, Oh, why would you tell me that today when I'm going, when I'm already having.
00;24;02;00 - 00;24;04;08
Thais
A hard day or I'm hurt, I'm.
00;24;04;08 - 00;24;09;26
Thais
Sad, Will you listen to me speak or something? And she's I have enough on my plate as it.
00;24;09;26 - 00;24;13;18
Thais
Is right now or or you don't even know what heart and.
00;24;13;18 - 00;24;14;10
Thais
Sadness are.
00;24;14;10 - 00;24;14;27
Thais
Or it's always.
00;24;15;00 - 00;24;23;13
Thais
Sort of it's being brought back to them almost all the time. So consistently and again, a lot of the times you see that accompanied with some kind of bullying.
00;24;23;13 - 00;24;24;08
Thais
Or passive aggressive.
00;24;24;08 - 00;24;27;27
Thais
Comments or just diminishment. And that may not just be of.
00;24;28;00 - 00;24;29;27
Thais
And your character, but also with your feelings.
00;24;29;28 - 00;24;38;11
Thais
There's a lot of invalidation of individuals feelings. So these are some traits for the female narcissist. A lot of those qualities, especially.
00;24;38;11 - 00;24;39;20
Thais
Some of the more covert one being.
00;24;39;21 - 00;24;52;25
Thais
Might see that appear in the female. Again, I'm because of so many requests, because of so many comments, I'm going to be doing a whole series about this, how to heal from some of these things, how to.
00;24;52;25 - 00;24;53;28
Thais
Reprogram people.
00;24;53;28 - 00;24;56;22
Thais
Patterns that come from being in a relationship with a narcissist, depending.
00;24;56;22 - 00;24;57;22
Thais
On what kind of relationship.
00;24;57;22 - 00;24;58;20
Thais
That is.
00;24;58;23 - 00;25;02;08
Thais
Romantic partner, child of narcissist, etc..
00;25;02;11 - 00;25;05;25
Thais
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00;25;05;25 - 00;25;06;29
Thais
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00;25;07;01 - 00;25;11;12
Thais
My channel and please visit the Personal Development School website.
00;25;11;12 - 00;25;13;29
Thais
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00;25;13;29 - 00;25;16;23
Thais
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00;25;16;26 - 00;25;17;19
Thais
For you.
00;25;17;21 - 00;25;24;20
Thais
And the contents. Really amazing and I think it's really going to help a lot of people. So yeah thank you so much for watching.