00;00;09;02 - 00;00;39;01
Thais
Hi, my name is Thais Gibson and the owner and founder of the Personal Development School. This is really breakthrough video. And today I want to talk about the fearful avoidant attachment style and how triggering is working and why it can feel sometimes so unmanageable. This is a big question. I get a lot in workshops, webinars, online courses that I'm currently teaching live, and I wanted to just address this in the video because obviously there are a lot of people who are looking to deeply dive into this and understand it a little bit better.

00;00;39;04 - 00;00;59;10
Thais
And I always find that the first step towards real healing is real awareness. Like at the root level awareness, because when we start to really understand what's going on within us, then it's so much more easy to navigate. So I want to give you some history in this video about not history, but like context in this video for why you're being triggered.

00;00;59;11 - 00;01;26;00
Thais
This also applies very dramatically to anxiety, which I should make a separate video about because it's not the question I get asked a lot. But before I start, I just wanted to say thank you to everybody for being on this journey with me. It's been so amazing. I started posting video content regularly, not just as a holding space for websites, but regularly only in about like February or March of this year, I think it was.

00;01;26;02 - 00;01;47;18
Thais
And it's just been amazing. I'm so glad I did that and connected with so many wonderful people and it's an absolute blessing to connect just myself with so many people who are like like minded and also in their personal development journey and also so diehard about this information and material. And it's just been really beautiful to build a community.

00;01;47;20 - 00;02;14;10
Thais
We are launching our official official final launch date for the online version of all the Personal development school First batch of courses is October 2nd of 2019, so it's just over five weeks away. Their final launch date for the first ten courses that we're putting out. And then if you take any other survey, if you can sort of help us decide what courses come out after, I've written the content for a ton of other courses but haven't recorded them yet.

00;02;14;10 - 00;02;40;14
Thais
So I'm waiting on feedback from everybody. We're offering super amazing prices for early bird launch. It's literally $49 a month. US and you can take unlimited courses. So like literally it can come out to a very, very small amount per course and I'm just trying to make this information like super available, super affordable, super accessible to anybody who's on this journey right now.

00;02;40;16 - 00;03;01;07
Thais
So I will share more about that as the weeks go on. But I am going to dive into the video content for today. So where to learn this video is just a little bit about how triggering is actually working and sort of the interaction between your conscious and subconscious mind. And then I'm going to give you a few steps to identify and isolate the trigger so you can do deeper work and stop this stuff from coming back.

00;03;01;10 - 00;03;22;00
Thais
So I'm sort of applying this video to fearful of word and attachments all the most because everyone's tend to have the most deeply embedded triggers, like the most fearful ones will tell me the most that the triggering is so strong that it's like they lose themselves to their emotions and they feel completely consumed and overwhelmed. However, this does happen as well.

00;03;22;00 - 00;03;41;03
Thais
For the anxiously attached individual and can happen for the business of wanting to. It can happen for anybody, even somebody secure. So as what I explained to you first, how triggering works, and then we'll go into some steps to create change. So first and foremost, you need to understand that the subconscious mind essentially stores every memory ever and it consolidated memory.

00;03;41;03 - 00;04;09;13
Thais
So if you ever seen somebody in a state of hypnosis, basically what's happening and I've been there when and helped people when when they're gone, they've gone through this process. But you'll see that people can pull up very early childhood memories in like amazingly vivid conditions. So I had a client say to me one time, Oh my gosh, I have this memory, I'm in this crib, and I can feel that my mother is angry and I can feel that my dad is sad.

00;04;09;15 - 00;04;32;02
Thais
And she's really she's aware so vividly. Well, being in the crib of that, what's what she sees around her, the feelings and emotions she's picking up from individuals around her. And she was able to recall so many details of this memory because that's basically what the subconscious mind is doing. It will consolidate memory so it can change memories a little bit over time without meaning to.

00;04;32;04 - 00;04;51;10
Thais
But for the most part, it can bring up any memory ever because they don't go anywhere. They don't get deleted every month or six weeks. You're subconscious stores them and it's stores them with all of the emotion intact. So, for example, if I say to you, tell me your favorite childhood memory, close your eyes. Go what? I'll see you.

00;04;51;10 - 00;05;14;26
Thais
Do is you'll tell me about your childhood memory and you'll close your eyes and you'll start smiling. And your body language will open up and you'll these things will shift because you're evoking that stored emotion that's attached to the memory in your subconscious mind. So the subconscious mind is essentially like this file folder, and it can spit out the files related to the current circumstances so you know how to respond.

00;05;14;27 - 00;05;41;21
Thais
That's essentially what it does. It keeps all the files. And then when you have an experience now that reminds you of some kind of past experience, it's like, Hey, we know what this is, but here is what can happen and this is how the triggering really starts or it like goes down eventually happens. What happens is because the up side of my phone alarm's going off, the subconscious mind will say, You're having an experience right now where you're trigger and let's say that you feel trapped.

00;05;41;21 - 00;06;05;16
Thais
Let's say you're sitting in traffic and let's say that you feel emotionally that your emotional response to being stuck in traffic is a little bit disproportionate to how strongly you should feel. You know, like, let's say nobody likes to be stuck in traffic as a general rule. So let's say you feel like, you know, a nine out of ten triggered an upset instead of like a two or three.

00;06;05;19 - 00;06;31;05
Thais
You can tell like, okay, this is the intensity of my emotional response to this event. It's like a little bit more than, you know, the average person's or what it could be. Right. And so what essentially happening is your subconscious mind is going, oh, trapped. You feel trapped. Let's evoke this subconsciously stored emotion around feeling trapped and let's fly that to the surface so that you can, you know, know how to deal with a situation.

00;06;31;05 - 00;07;02;15
Thais
But potentially what's essentially happening is now your subconscious mind is experiencing the feeling of being trapped in this moment. Plus, all of the other subconsciously stored emotion and sort of consolidated emotion from previous experiences of feeling trapped. And so you're not just experiencing. Right now feeling upset, but it's right now. Plus the residue from past experiences, which is why your experiences an eight or nine or ten out of ten instead of a one or two or three.

00;07;02;17 - 00;07;28;25
Thais
And what this is showing you is that you have negatively stored emotion within you around something related to these emotions. It's not necessarily related to the experience, although it could be it's not necessarily related to like, oh, this really painful time in traffic, but it's related to the emotional association you're making with traffic. So it's related to, Oh, what do I feel right now?

00;07;28;25 - 00;07;53;20
Thais
What's the emotion? My gosh, it's trapped and helpless. Okay. What other stored emotional events have happened for me around feeling trapped and helpless? And that's what you're experiencing. So it's really important to note this. I'm going to give you some really cool tools in 2 seconds. So it's essentially what you're experiencing is a set of stored interpretations around an event that has been previously emotionally imprinted in your subconscious mind.

00;07;53;22 - 00;08;15;11
Thais
So there are basically core steps to overcome and reprogram trauma. I teach these in one of the courses because it's very in-depth. I'm not going to give them to you in a video because I don't want to leave them incomplete. And it would take like nine videos to properly go through this series of what to do. If you want to release subconsciously stored trauma, please take my course on that.

00;08;15;13 - 00;08;36;19
Thais
It's super, super transformative. I've done this with myself, these steps, and it has been incredible. Like you will feel like these. My experience when I see with other clients is it's like you feel like, you know, this intense emotion is like being pulled out of you. And it's just it's just a subconscious process or a series of questions, But we won't get into that right now.

00;08;36;22 - 00;09;07;08
Thais
I'm like, all over the place, sharing things right now. So there are basically these course apps we're not going to zoom right now, but I want you to, in this video, recognize how to identify what's actually going on when you're triggered. Because if we don't have the step of being able to isolate and identify the trauma that's repeating itself then or coming to the surface, then then we're at a loss and we're always going to end up in the same fights and the same patterns and pushing people away in the same way over the same types of things that may be misinterpreted a lot of the time.

00;09;07;11 - 00;09;33;11
Thais
So take note for a moment and recognize that we are essentially replaying our internal lives over and over again on autopilot. And we don't recognize this a lot of the time because our external environment is changing. So, for example, let's say that you have a really painful event around feeling like lonely and alone and afraid and anxious and worried.

00;09;33;14 - 00;09;58;10
Thais
Chances are, if you had many events like that in childhood or one really painful one that imprinted very strongly, then chances are you get really triggered whenever you think you're going to be alone again or what you're feeling lonely or lonely and worried and afraid. Chances are you've felt that paradigm like of emotions where emotional pattern is what I actually call them.

00;09;58;12 - 00;10;19;01
Thais
You felt that replay itself over and over and over again many, many, many times. And you don't recognize that, hey, this is an internal problem because again, you're we've been conditioned to be so focused on our external environment. So in one of the emotional mastery courses I actually teach you like and you can check on this right now, we tend to have the same types of emotional patterning all the time.

00;10;19;01 - 00;10;40;16
Thais
So we tend to have like the same 8 to 10 emotions and they often come in groups of two or three that we are traumatic, that not traumatically that we are replaying on autopilot over and over again that don't feel good. And and we are essentially replaying our belief patterns, our thought patterns, our emotional patterns, and even our unconscious actions are coping mechanisms like drinking.

00;10;40;16 - 00;10;57;25
Thais
When we feel bad eating food, when we feel bad, escaping from other people, withdrawing, binge watching Netflix, whatever it is, we tend to have all these things as a pattern subconsciously that are running over and over and over again. But we tend to not be catching it or noticing it again because our external environment is changing and that's where we're looking.

00;10;57;27 - 00;11;30;14
Thais
So for example, I felt really trapped, helpless and powerless a lot in my childhood, like big time. And when I went into my adult life, if anything made me feel trapped, helpless or powerless, I would freak out, like in my early adult years would freak out. And what I didn't realize is that even these things that are making me feel trapped, helpless and powerless externally, or maybe not making other people feel trapped, helpless and powerless, but they were touching on something even slightly related that was evoking all that sorts of conscious emotion personally.

00;11;30;16 - 00;11;55;18
Thais
And then I was responding to these events very strongly and feeling so strongly because it was touching my and my emotional patterning and that that was running. So I was feeling trapped, helpless and powerless in relationships, in school, in jobs, in all kinds of dynamics, in frigging workout classes, like all kinds of different things were making me feel trapped, helpless and powerless and traffic, all these little tiny things.

00;11;55;26 - 00;12;17;05
Thais
And it wasn't so much that my reality was so trapping and that I was such a helpless person and I was so powerless in my life. It was that I was reliving those old paradigms because they were being triggered so often. So you really want to recognize what your individual patterns are and there are really amazing ways to do this.

00;12;17;05 - 00;12;39;28
Thais
But for this video sake, I want you to just take note of what your emotional patterns are like. What emotions do you find yourself replaying over and over again on autopilot? And if you want, there's like a whole feelings and needs list which has like the feelings on my website and it's free and you can literally just download it and it's it'll send you an email and you'll download it from the email and you can circle on there.

00;12;39;28 - 00;13;05;28
Thais
Like, what emotions do I tend to experience the most often on the negative side, and this will help you recognize them in real time and understand them. And then you're going to apply this next set of questions here, this, this set of steps. So if you find yourself being triggered, I want you to in order to identify this trigger very deeply, I want you to ask yourself this first question What wound is being activated inside of me right now?

00;13;06;01 - 00;13;29;00
Thais
What wound is being activated inside of me right now? And then once you recognize, okay, it's oh, my gosh, it's this wound, a feeling that I'm not good enough for. It's this wound of feeling that I'm trapped or this wounded, feeling like I'm unloved and nobody cares about me. Whatever it is you're identifying, number two, then you're going to ask yourself, what is my earliest memory of feeling like this before?

00;13;29;02 - 00;13;46;27
Thais
And it doesn't matter that you have like the first memory come to mind. It matters. It's strongly, emotionally charged for unresolved memories are going to come to the surface this way and you're going to be able to connect them. And it's like you're basically using your conscious mind to speak to your subconscious mind and understand and get context for what's going on inside of you.

00;13;46;29 - 00;14;04;07
Thais
For people who are struggling with chronic anxiety, usually there's something around feeling unsafe or alone, and one of our only biological fears is a fear of abandonment. So it's connected to a lack of safety. And so a lot of people struggling with chronic anxiety actually just have a lot of imprints in really early childhood around feeling unsafe and alone.

00;14;04;10 - 00;14;33;21
Thais
And they don't have context of the conscious of what's going on, but they're reliving a lot of these emotional patterns. I will share that all in a separate video in a lot more detail. So step two was What is my earliest memory of feeling like this? And keep in mind when you're doing that stuff that your subconscious mind will basically like spit out the memory that's most important, so it'll spit out the most charged memory, even if it was only like two years ago or seven years ago or whatever it is, you're going to get those things coming to the surface in the order for which they need to be resolved the most.

00;14;33;25 - 00;14;58;06
Thais
The the most deeply, the biggest, most charged ones are usually going to flood to the surface first. Number three, you're going to ask yourself, what do I need to heal in me for this to not come back up again? So what do I need to heal inside of myself for this to not repeat itself again? And what you're going to find is that there's either a belief system that you've adopted.

00;14;58;06 - 00;15;18;22
Thais
So, like, I'm not good enough, people don't care about me. The belief that I'm unloved, the belief that I'm all alone in this world, the belief that I can't do anything, whatever it is, or it'll be a deeply unmet need. So it could be like feeling connection, feeling like somebody understood my feelings and I was able to express them, feeling seen and heard.

00;15;18;22 - 00;15;37;25
Thais
Whatever it is, it's going to be one of those two things. If not both, which a lot of the time it's actually both. But this is going to help you discover what to do in this healing journey. And then I'll create a whole separate video to follow this up about what to do once you've identified those steps that those things.

00;15;37;25 - 00;15;54;27
Thais
So like the belief or the unmet need that is causing the triggering events in the first place, how to actually deal with that at the root level. Okay, so your steps are just really, really quick. What wound is being activated inside of me right now? What is my earliest memory of feeling like this or the strongest memory of feeling like this?

00;15;54;28 - 00;16;13;05
Thais
It first comes to mind. And what do I need to heal inside of myself in order for this to not come back up and it'll be a belief, an unmet need or both. That's a really helpful first set of steps because we're putting the pieces together for why we can get so triggered, feel so emotional, feel so strongly.

00;16;13;07 - 00;16;33;16
Thais
And once we have this awareness and we're understanding, it's not just about this moment, it better equips us for how to deal with this moment itself by recognizing that some of us are re projecting our past pain onto the present experience and we can step outside of that, become consciously aware of it. And then I'm going to give you the tools in the next video to do deeper work.

00;16;33;19 - 00;16;49;26
Thais
Thank you so much for watching. And if you haven't already, please like this video, share it. Subscribe to our channel or please visit w WWE dot Personal Development school dot com Stay connected to sign up for Earlybird pricing for upcoming online courses or any amazing other amazing stuff. Thank you.