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Thais
Hello and welcome to the Personal Development School podcast. I'm your host. Thais Gibson, and I create regular podcast episodes to teach you about your relationships, attachment style and the subconscious mind. My goal of this podcast is to give you tools and awareness you need to thrive in your relationships, feel deeply connected, and find harmony and fulfillment in your relationships and personal life.

00:00:33:18 - 00:00:44:05
Thais
So I hope you tune in here with me each and every week.

00:00:44:05 - 00:01:06:24
Thais
Are you currently caught in a web of uncertainty? Wondering if your dismissive avoidant ex is trying to get back together and if they're really interested in rekindling something? Well, if you're experiencing this roller coaster of emotions, of ups and downs and uncertainty and craving answers, I'm hoping that in this video I can help take you through three really important signs of the day.

00:01:06:24 - 00:01:28:06
Thais
X is looking to get back together, even though those things may be sort of bubbling beneath the surface and they may be so stoic. You're not recognizing and I can tell you pretty clearly that after about ten plus years in client practice and then another quite a few years working in the online space, the personal development school, these three signs are very can grow.

00:01:28:06 - 00:01:34:19
Thais
And these are usually the major three things that you will see when a dismissive avoidant is really interested in rekindling something.

00:01:35:01 - 00:02:03:23
Thais
Here is sign number one. They reach out indirectly, but somewhat consistently. Now I want to really manage expectations with this one in somewhat consistently means to a dismissive avoidance, something different than it means to an action preoccupied. Something consistent for an anxious, preoccupied would probably be a daily communication, right? It would be like talking daily or almost daily fearful, avoidant, you know, having many frequent conversations throughout the week.

00:02:04:00 - 00:02:25:00
Thais
Consistency for a dismissive, avoidant after breakup is like speaking once a week, but that once, maybe twice a week is consistent week to week. Okay, so you'll see this indirect communication. They will not say, I miss you, I want to get back together. Are you dating somebody? They're not going to go right into vulnerability because it's not how they are and it definitely is not what makes them feel good or safe.

00:02:25:02 - 00:02:48:24
Thais
What they will do is they'll communicate indirectly. They'll send a meme, they'll chit chat, they'll they'll share something indirectly. But if there is an element of consistency week over week around it, it's a big sign that a dismissive awkwardness is trying to rekindle something. But they're caught between this inner push pull, between wanting to rekindle, move something forward versus being afraid of being vulnerable and opening up again and afraid of being hurt just like anybody else.

00:02:49:01 - 00:03:15:18
Thais
And so they'll be having this consistency that they're they're always going to be kind of around through the week from time to time, but there will be a lot of indirectness about it. Okay. So indirect witness with a little bit of consistency. Number two, this will progress into trying to spend actual time together. This is one of the biggest differentiators that makes it loud and clear that a day is still interested in something romantic.

00:03:15:20 - 00:03:35:13
Thais
And it's a big differentiator from just wanting, you know, attention or connections. And as we can see, dismissive avoidance after a breakup. Just want to kind of connect without investing in anything. If it is, Nicole Borden shows up to plan something to spend time with you to say, Hey, let's hang out, let's do something together. This is a big indicator that they're really not just in a space where they're missing.

00:03:35:13 - 00:03:39:19
Thais
You are thinking of you, but they're actually wanting connection or attention

00:03:39:19 - 00:04:03:18
Thais
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00:04:03:18 - 00:04:07:12
Thais
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00:04:07:12 - 00:04:23:07
Thais
now. Four It's the third part. I just want to say something here, which is that if you're in a position with a day where you're like trying to get back together with them, we can't just go back to square one. You don't want to just pull back, do things the same way from the get go all over again, expecting a different result.

00:04:23:07 - 00:04:37:13
Thais
Like if you're in a position where you're thinking of getting back together with somebody irrespective of their attachment style, you want to get clear and have a dialog ahead of time to say, Hey, you know, how can we make sure we don't repeat the same patterns? If we were arguing about the same things, what can we do differently?

00:04:37:13 - 00:05:02:04
Thais
Or where are the things we weren't understanding about each other's needs and how can we hash those out? And the more that you can be clear about those things in a healthy way, the easier it will become and the more productive the relationship is likely to be because it's really important to pay attention to. And I want you to take some time before I give you this third point, because it will go hand in hand to really consider if I am trying to get back together with this person, what were my feelings or my needs?

00:05:02:04 - 00:05:20:02
Thais
How you know, how can I set boundaries better or communicate my needs better with this person in the future? And that can be a conversation you ask for from them as well. And this third point is the biggest indicator of all that a dismissive avoidant wants to still be together and it is that they actually try to behave differently.

00:05:20:02 - 00:05:40:14
Thais
So when you do have this conversation, you do say, you know what, when we're dating, I really needed more ABC. ABC could be support, it could be more quality time together, it could be more consistency with our communication because technical wins communicate more with their behaviors than with their words. And that's a huge feature of dismissive avoidant attachment style.

00:05:40:16 - 00:06:04:04
Thais
You will see that they show up and try to behave differently. They actually try to be more consistent with their communication or they try to give you more support for whatever that looks like for you or spend more quality time and you'll see their behaviors shift. It doesn't mean they'll be perfect, but you will see a clear shift in their behaviors to try to do those things that will indicate that they are truly interested in moving the needle.

00:06:04:04 - 00:06:11:14
Thais
And that's when it's a great time to have a conversation about how can we heal, how can we move through this and improve the quality of the relationship overall.