00;00;00;00 - 00;00;18;08
Jackie
I would definitely say I was pretty much your textbook FA Trust underlined, bold exclamation. That word trust was my number one issue. Whether that was, you know, with others or within myself, really. But boy, I used to write on anything and everything like, do not trust in anyone.

00;00;18;09 - 00;01;02;10
Thais
Hello and welcome to the Personal Development School Podcast. I am so excited you are here. I am your co-host, Thais Gibson, along with our new special host, Mike DeZio. This is a podcast that discusses everything related to integrated attachment theory. The New attachment theory, along with the subconscious mind relationships, communication needs boundaries and so much more. Throughout this podcast, you'll see a series of episodes I upload with new information, educational tips, all about how to thrive in relationships and really master your emotional state in your life, along with special guests hosted by Mike Zito to discuss all of these amazing topics and longer form content.
Thank you so much for being here and I really hope you enjoy this episode.

00;01;12;18 - 00;01;32;04
Mike
My guest today is truly one of the driving forces behind the scenes here at the Personal Development school. She's a jack of all trades and she is the glue that holds a lot of us together is truly nothing she can't and does not do. And I've had the privilege of working alongside her for the past three years. Talking with us today about her experience working at the personal development school.

00;01;32;06 - 00;01;44;12
Mike
Her journey as a fearful, avoidance, raising a child, and more personal development school podcast viewers. I'd like to introduce my guest today, Jackie Malone. Jackie. How you doing today? Hello.

00;01;44;12 - 00;01;45;24
Jackie
Hello, Mike. How are you?

00;01;46;00 - 00;01;47;21
Mike
Pretty good. Thank you for being here.

00;01;47;28 - 00;01;57;07
Jackie
Thank you. First and foremost, I like to say thank you for having me on the podcast. I know you've been doing an amazing job. I've had some wicked guests on here, so truly honored to be a part of it.

00;01;57;09 - 00;02;08;27
Mike
For sure. For sure. And you're added to that list of amazing people now. So just to start out, would you be able to tell us briefly about your background, a bit of your backstory, and just let our audience know a little bit about yourself?

00;02;08;29 - 00;02;30;11
Jackie
So a little bit about me. I'm born and raised in Toronto. I'm a former fearful, avoidant leaning, anxious, preoccupied, now secure. I experienced quite a lot of back to back traumatic events as a child growing up from around 5 to 8 years old, which made it difficult to understand and process my emotions and forced me to grow up and just mature way faster than those that were around me at the time.

00;02;30;14 - 00;02;49;01
Jackie
I obviously carried these patterns and programing with me through my teen years until I really began my healing journey. It's been rather challenging, but looking back now, I always say the most rewarding gift I've ever given myself was just to look inward and really dig deep. Peeling back, you know, each layer of wounds and sword beliefs. And I don't know what I'd be doing without ties in the personal development school.

00;02;49;03 - 00;02;59;19
Mike
Yeah, that's wonderful. How did you. What's the story? How did you end up with. With us in the beginning, anyway? What were you doing, like, right before that? And how did you end up working for the person out the school?

00;02;59;21 - 00;03;17;08
Jackie
Yeah. So, I mean, as you mentioned, Jack, of all trades, I've definitely done or had my hands in a lot of things. I've been a hairdresser for most of my life. I've been in the jewelry field, but I also had the pleasure of knowing tastes way before, I'd say almost ten years now, but way before the personal development school was even created by taste.

00;03;17;08 - 00;03;33;00
Jackie
But I also used the a personal trainer and worked at the gym and that is where I did get to meet her. And then one day I actually just finished meditating and then I was actually on a trip traveling around Canada and I went in and I saw that I actually contacted me and told me about, you know, the school that she's made.

00;03;33;00 - 00;03;36;11
Jackie
And I kind of just went from there and here I am.

00;03;36;14 - 00;03;50;07
Mike
I love that. So I figure to have like all these different careers and jack of all trades and try all these different things. And it's funny, I actually I got the call from Chase as well while I was traveling. I was in an airport, actually. So that's.

00;03;50;10 - 00;03;51;07
Jackie
Amazing.

00;03;51;10 - 00;03;52;00
Mike
Yeah.

00;03;52;02 - 00;03;53;13
Jackie
You know, Right.

00;03;53;15 - 00;04;08;21
Mike
Yeah, that's it. That's it. So I know you're more on the fearful of what inside of things before does a lot of work to become more secure. Can you tell us to share with us what were some of the most hard or challenging things about being FAA prior to you doing your healing work?

00;04;08;23 - 00;04;29;16
Jackie
So I would definitely say I was pretty much your textbook FAA Trust underlined, bold exclamation. That word trust was my number one issue. Whether that was, you know, with others or within myself, really. But boy, I used to write on anything and everything, like, do not trust anyone on my journals. I don't know if people remember medicine.

00;04;29;16 - 00;04;54;26
Jackie
Just anything on your feet. My Facebook page. I had a very, very high thing for not trusting anybody, high core and consciously feeling I'll be betrayed that I'm bad. I'm not good enough, you know, I'm unworthy feeling shame. These were a lot a lot of core wounds that carried with me in relationships, friendships, family, etc. and then people pleasing definitely put myself on the back burner, you know, at any time anyone needed me or if I had other plans to do, even if it was just for myself.

00;04;54;26 - 00;05;07;24
Jackie
And a friend would call and say, Hey, can you do this? Or I need help with this, You know, hands down, I'd have zero boundaries. And, you know, I just went on to people pleasing. So I'd say these couple of things really weighed heavy on me and prevented me from really growing and learning.

00;05;07;26 - 00;05;23;03
Mike
Sure were. I like typical life fashion, like you said, like you're always there to help people, like, do your job. Things that at the drop of a hat, you probably have so many friends and so many people liking you, but they didn't know your experience and sort of how it was on your side, I imagine.

00;05;23;05 - 00;05;29;09
Jackie
Absolutely. Absolutely. Like, so I would just say, no problem. I'll be there and in a split second.

00;05;29;13 - 00;05;43;09
Mike
And you're like, I just worked a 12 hour shift and I'm so tired, but I'll help you. Absolutely. Before you learn about attachment theory, were you doing any other healing work or personal growth type work before you learned about personal development school?

00;05;43;12 - 00;06;05;15
Jackie
Yeah. So from a young age, as I mentioned, I went through a lot of really, really sad and traumatic experiences as a child. And fortunately I had a sister, which is my only sibling who passed away at the age of 19 when I was about seven. So that was very heartbreaking for my family and myself. And then my mom put me in a lot of like support groups for grieving families, for children who have gone through kind of similar experiences, never helped me personally.

00;06;05;17 - 00;06;20;17
Jackie
And then I went through a couple of psychologists growing up and then tried a lot of self-healing methods. But I was really always on the path to wanting to, you know, discover and heal and reprogram. But nothing seemed to really kind of stick. And I never had those, you know, groundbreaking moments or epiphanies that, you know, spark that huge change.

00;06;20;18 - 00;06;23;05
Jackie
And again, I think I owe that to two kids.

00;06;23;08 - 00;06;30;17
Mike
And I'm curious, did you know about attachment theory previous to working at PDS, or was this your first time learning about it?

00;06;30;20 - 00;06;54;01
Jackie
Yeah, I had no idea about attachment theory prior to PDS. It was my first time learning about it, and literally once I started, I was addicted. I had open head first and just, you know, kept going further and further and watched, you know, video after video on YouTube and took all the courses and watched webinars. And yeah, it was really that's when I kind of had levels like, Wow, this is what I've missed my whole life.

00;06;54;04 - 00;06;59;04
Mike
That's really the biggest feedback I get from members is just like, I wish I knew about this before.

00;06;59;11 - 00;07;01;14
Jackie
Absolutely. I hear that every single day.

00;07;01;15 - 00;07;20;12
Mike
Yeah, you too. Obviously you hear a lot of member feedback and I just tell them like, what a gift to at least learn it now rather than never. If we look at our parents and we look at our grandparents, forget about it, at least we have the knowledge now and we have sort of the rest of our lives to apply this and, you know, not feels a slave to our subconscious.

00;07;20;12 - 00;07;23;04
Mike
And some of these programs that are running in the background.

00;07;23;06 - 00;07;25;16
Jackie
Absolutely breaking those conditional.

00;07;25;16 - 00;07;36;19
Mike
Patterning. So after you've done a lot of this, like healing work and worked on your attachment style, what areas overall have you seen like the biggest change? Like what are some areas you see the most improvement on?

00;07;36;21 - 00;07;58;29
Jackie
I would say my entire life has just doing this works and honestly in every aspect, you know, whether it's how I communicate, learning about healthy communication now, learning you know, how to set boundaries, my thinking process, you know, understanding why I thought or felt certain emotions when something would trigger me or come up, how to deal with triggers in a healthy manner rather than becoming, you know, so defensive and going into flight or flight mode fight or flight.

00;07;58;29 - 00;08;15;23
Jackie
Sorry. So it's just changed my perspective on, you know, how I view others not being able to take things so personally or not having to take things so personal. And I think that was honestly also one of my heaviest burden I always carried on my shoulders, was taking, you know, how others feel or their their reactions to something and carrying that and take that personal.

00;08;15;24 - 00;08;18;20
Jackie
It was just just horrible.

00;08;18;22 - 00;08;31;20
Mike
So, so nice. People were just maybe saying whatever, like nothing that they were trying to attack you because of your own sort of you of yourself. You might have taken a lot of comments as I'm having a go at you or digging at you. Absolutely.

00;08;31;21 - 00;08;40;04
Jackie
Now, I know that it's it's their their journey, their experience or their stories and, you know, their reasons as to why they react or what they do and their thought process.

00;08;40;04 - 00;08;41;21
Mike
So for sure.

00;08;41;24 - 00;08;45;21
Jackie
But I definitely say my my entire life has changed and every single area.

00;08;45;23 - 00;08;58;07
Mike
I love that. So obviously PDS, we deal with a lot of in the relationship realm. I just wanted to touch on in your relationships, family, friends, romantic relationships. What's sort of been the biggest change in that area? Have you seen?

00;08;58;13 - 00;09;13;26
Jackie
Yeah, like I mentioned in my last comment, I mean, more so to my I'd say like my personal romantic relationships definitely improved, you know, with my partner now, like, we're always communicating our needs. Before, I would have never known that I didn't even know what needs were. I didn't even know I had needs, let alone how to communicate my needs.

00;09;13;26 - 00;09;39;26
Jackie
So that's definitely something that has been life changing to my to my relationship. And I'll still sometimes still refer to the emotional processing tool, which is amazing for anyone that hasn't taken the emotional course and discovered this worksheet, I still will go back to it. It's also life changing, but overall I think just been able to allow me to choose wisely as to like what relationships I feel are healthy in my life and just be able to accept, you know, the loving people around me that genuinely care and have love for me and obviously vise versa.

00;09;39;28 - 00;09;59;08
Mike
Those are that's amazing. Do you find, because you've done this work as I touched on before, you probably had a lot of friends. Everybody's like, Jackie, we love her so much. Do you find that people sort of fell away now that you weren't the people pleasing Jackie anymore? Did you sort of cut down on the amount of people that you were giving your time and energy to?

00;09;59;10 - 00;10;15;20
Jackie
Absolutely, yeah. I think, like I said, it helps and it helps you kind of put things in a different perspective and see, you know, who's really a genuine friend, not just along the lines of trust, but just who's someone that's healthy, who's someone that you learn from, who's someone that's motivating in your life, and how can you also help that person do the same?

00;10;15;20 - 00;10;26;22
Jackie
I think that's truly what a good friendship also looks like. You know, how can we grow together versus, you know, having friends around you that may bring you down and kind of deteriorate you and hold you back from that growth and development.

00;10;26;26 - 00;10;44;27
Mike
I just want to jump in here and let you know that we are doing a 14 day free trial to the arts membership. Pass a PBS, which means you get access to literally everything inside of the school. And this includes the four live webinars I do with our students every single week. And on top of that, you get access to all of our different courses.

00;10;44;27 - 00;11;09;04
Mike
We have over 55 different courses on relationships, communication boundaries, emotional mastery, guilt and shame, learning your needs. So many different facets that are really important to master our lives and feel really good about our lives going forward. And last but not least, there's a daily community event. We have trained facilitators and coaches who are in there doing that work, showing up to support you in your journey every single day.

00;11;09;06 - 00;11;18;09
Mike
Please join me on the other side. Come check it out, see if it's a fit for you. I'd love to see you there. Go ahead and sign up by clicking the link in the description box below.

00;11;18;09 - 00;11;28;14
Mike
So I want to shift gears into kind of the role at Personal Development school. I was wondering if you could share sort of what, you know, working for the school is like and how it's impacted you?

00;11;28;17 - 00;11;49;16
Jackie
Yeah, I would definitely say I'm truly grateful to work for PDS. I have a team in which, you know, we all work together, we respect one another and we provide, you know, endless support and motivation. And for those that don't know, I'm the customer service team leader at PDS and I also on my hands and a couple of other, you know, small projects and tasks, but love waking up each day, you know, working for a company that's literally making a difference in the world.

00;11;49;18 - 00;12;06;10
Jackie
And our team does, you know, monthly check ins. We make an effort, you know, to ensure everyone feels supported and valued and we ask connection questions and all kinds of fun stuff at times. And I think in the past, you know, I used to work for other companies and I'd come home, you know, angry, stressed out, feeling unseen, unheard, you know, devalued side.

00;12;06;10 - 00;12;12;08
Jackie
Definitely say it's really refreshing to work, you know, for kids and a company like this and just have incredible leaders leading the.

00;12;12;08 - 00;12;30;22
Mike
Way and I think you're being a bit modest and say the things that you do that I feel like you do like 1,000,001 say be here all day. If we had to talk about everything you do, But thanks for sharing that. Well, what's your favorite part about the job? Maybe like as far as interacting with members or what sort of part of the job do you like the most?

00;12;30;29 - 00;12;50;05
Jackie
I mean, as far as interacting with the members, it makes my heart so, so happy to see people, you know, start off on this journey, come in, you know, and then a month or four months later, literally pouring so much time and effort into their healing journey and their personal development and then just hear, you know, how happy they are now, you know, how life changing it's been, how well they could communicate and so on.

00;12;50;07 - 00;13;03;13
Jackie
And I think, honestly, we have the best community and not just saying that they all, you know, will blast out comments in the webinars when someone, you know, shares a vulnerable share and they all just, you know, send so much love and say, you know, we see you, we hear you. And I just see how kind everyone is as well.

00;13;03;13 - 00;13;07;17
Jackie
So this always really makes me happy and it makes me happy to be a part of that.

00;13;07;19 - 00;13;19;25
Mike
I love that. That's amazing. And yeah, you're very well loved, obviously, by the members. They see you at all the webinars there. So you're definitely a rock star and people get a lot of listening to this episode for sure.

00;13;19;27 - 00;13;20;20
Jackie
I appreciate.

00;13;20;20 - 00;13;40;15
Mike
That. So as we know, you had a beautiful baby boy a little over a year ago and you've, you know, literally been raising him before our eyes. We are the team. You get to see a little baby Noah, a lot of times during the day. And it's really nice to see. I just want to know as far as like parenting, this is your first time having a kid.

00;13;40;17 - 00;13;56;29
Mike
What were some of the things now, like now that you know about attachments here? You know how how important the first 0 to 2 years of a child's life is? Like what sort of things are you really focused on and how are you sort of approaching raising Noah now that you know what you know about attachment theory?

00;13;57;06 - 00;14;19;03
Jackie
I would literally not be the mother I am today without knowing all the wonderful, you know, content and lessons and attachment theory and all this without obviously Tice's lessons. But I wish I could honestly shout this out to everybody because I'm always like attachment theory. You have to learn about this. But especially before becoming a parent, I think it's very important and can have a huge impact on how you raise the child and you know, and their development.

00;14;19;05 - 00;14;42;29
Jackie
And it's something as little as, you know, the way I communicate with him, the way, you know, we both ensure as parents to, you know, that to make sure that he sees, you know, he's in a he sees, you know, healthy parents and a healthy, loving relationship. You know, knowing this child looks to me for survival, love and comfort, you know, not reacting in anger or outbursts, because if you're a parent or caregiver, you will be tested on a daily basis and especially in the toddler phase.

00;14;43;04 - 00;15;00;04
Jackie
But I really think that I honestly say this should be taught in schools and to parents expecting because it can change the whole dynamic and relationship you have with your child and their upbringing. And after all, you know, everything stems from our childhood. So it's definitely helped me in my parenting and I'm able to share that and all my learnings.

00;15;00;04 - 00;15;12;12
Jackie
I'll see, you know, how I communicate with Noah, you know, in terms of talking about feelings and expressing yourself and all these things that were never modeled. That's in in our childhood or for my in my partner's childhood as well. So it's made a huge difference.

00;15;12;12 - 00;15;23;23
Mike
I was you know, us is probably one of the biggest things you know we all try to do better than our parents did is the communication piece is out there thing you think that you're trying to give to Noah the most that you didn't get?

00;15;23;26 - 00;15;45;04
Jackie
Absolutely. I mean, my parents were and are like the most loving parents. They're my best friends. But I'd say my dad was more on the dismissive, avoidant scale. Mother was more of a leaning AP, but we still didn't always talk about feelings or emotions or, you know, how to healthy, you know, express your, you know, in a healthy manner and to express yourself or and I think vice versa.

00;15;45;04 - 00;16;03;21
Jackie
On how they communicated stuff to me. And again, I think specific to you know, my upbringing, it was more like in a just very depressed environment because again, like I lost my sister. So things were not really set and it was, yeah, so that was kind of the upbringing of that aspect. So I think communication is, is everything and learning to be present.

00;16;03;23 - 00;16;16;00
Jackie
And I think the same for my partner will more so grow up without, you know in our culture not expressing your emotions and you know, as a man that that equals weakness. So we've really kind of changed that and broke those chains.

00;16;16;02 - 00;16;36;02
Mike
I love that. That's such a gift for Noah and, you know, we look forward to see him growing into a little man and see how he does. But that's amazing. He's got so much love there. And like the fact that you're raising a kid while you're working to to me, that's just unbelievable. Like, sometimes you don't get the most amount of sleep or whatnot, but you always show up with a smile and get your work done.

00;16;36;02 - 00;16;43;29
Mike
So I just want to commend you on like, you know, it's not easy. It's not easy. Having a job and raising a kid at the same time is a.

00;16;44;01 - 00;16;59;14
Jackie
It's absolutely not. I feel like, you know, being a mom is a full time job. And I didn't understand to I, you know, got gifted with that role and title. Some days you do not you don't know what sleep is and you still you still have that strength and find that strength and to function and to work and to show up.

00;16;59;14 - 00;17;03;01
Jackie
But I do I try to do it with a smile on my face every day.

00;17;03;04 - 00;17;13;10
Mike
So I want to know what's next for Jackie. Are you putting your focus on anything these days? Is there a goal or something on the horizon that you want to achieve? What's coming up for Jackie?

00;17;13;12 - 00;17;31;21
Jackie
So I unfortunately had to put my coaching career on hold as I had to go on maternity leave and before I was born. So I'll definitely I definitely have plans to explore this further in the coming future. And then my number one passion, as always, is just helping people, you know, showing them the right tools and knowledge, especially anything that takes is created to support in their healing journey.

00;17;31;23 - 00;17;40;16
Jackie
So I will also always continue on this personal development journey as I think it's just always beneficial to connect, to learn and expand and continue to grow.

00;17;40;18 - 00;17;41;09
Mike
I love that.

00;17;41;16 - 00;17;45;05
Jackie
I'd like to tap in more and explore the coaching aspect.

00;17;45;07 - 00;18;07;14
Mike
Yeah, I know you'd be unbelievable and I know like I've worked with you over the last three years and I've talked to you about things going on in my life and vice versa. But I've always felt like you're amazing at holding space and, you know, genuinely showing concern and care, which I think is such a big thing. Before, when I was doing coaching, I met someone who said I didn't know if I wanted to be a coach.

00;18;07;14 - 00;18;28;02
Mike
I'm like, I don't know if I have what it takes. And he's like, Listen, the most important thing about being a coach is that you actually care about the person that sitting across from you, like you genuinely care to want to help them. And I feel like you have that for sure. So I hope sooner than later you do do that because you're going to benefit so many people.

00;18;28;05 - 00;18;33;09
Jackie
Thank you. And you also always show up and offer support as a friend and coworker. So I appreciate you.

00;18;33;12 - 00;18;36;20
Mike
Yeah, for sure. And I cracked some pretty good jokes.

00;18;36;22 - 00;18;40;08
Jackie
The funniest thing I.

00;18;40;11 - 00;18;41;02
Mike
Take every day.

00;18;41;05 - 00;18;42;14
Jackie
Every day word that I work.

00;18;42;20 - 00;18;55;09
Mike
Pretty dare try to yourself that's probably why we get name so we covered a lot. Is there a tool, a habit, a strategy? Is there any anything you want to share with our audience before we come to a close today?

00;18;55;11 - 00;19;13;26
Jackie
My go to would be meditation. I say this to everybody. Meditation completely helped me discover, you know, other parts of myself, really helped me just focus on being present. And still in that moment, I really, really value presence. I think it's it's everything. And then as a former, I say, you know, chaos was always the norm for us.

00;19;13;26 - 00;19;43;26
Jackie
So this just assisted in allowing me to just really be still, you know, my thoughts and emotions to sit and just have that time to practice, you know, positive affirmations and positive self-talk. So I voucher motivate meditation. And then I'd also just say journaling and working out also are my, my outlets and just part of the roadmap to improving your everyday life, not only, you know, just taking care of the healing aspect of the mind, but just for the physical sense, you know, moving your body and for journaling just being able to write down and release, you know, any buildup I like kind of going back and seeing, you know, how far I've come or

00;19;43;26 - 00;19;53;03
Jackie
that's how I felt in these moments and just the journey throughout it. So meditation, journaling and, you know, physical exercise, getting out, walking, just moving.

00;19;53;06 - 00;19;58;12
Mike
Naturally and get that sunshine when you can write every day.

00;19;58;14 - 00;20;00;29
Jackie
Every day. You're in Toronto, not every day, but.

00;20;01;00 - 00;20;02;00
Mike
Not every day as.

00;20;02;00 - 00;20;03;12
Jackie
Much as possible.

00;20;03;14 - 00;20;18;26
Mike
Awesome. Well, this was really fun. Jackie, thank you so much. I'm glad you got to share yourself with our audience. And I really hope you do coaching soon because like I said, I think you'll help a lot of people. And yeah, it's been an honor being your coworker and thanks for being here.

00;20;18;28 - 00;20;20;06
Jackie
Thank you for having me.

00;20;20;09 - 00;20;22;20
Mike
Yeah, for your support.

00;20;22;22 - 00;20;23;14
Jackie
I appreciate.

00;20;23;14 - 00;20;30;16
Mike
It. Awesome. Okay. And thanks for everyone for listening today. And as always, good luck on your healing journey and we'll see you next time.