00:00:00:00 - 00:00:33:16
Thais
Hello and welcome to the Personal Development School podcast. I'm your host. Thais Gibson, and I create regular podcast episodes to teach you about your relationships, attachment style and the subconscious mind. My goal of this podcast is to give you tools and awareness you need to thrive in your relationships, feel deeply connected, and find harmony and fulfillment in your relationships and personal life.
So I hope you tune in here with me each and every week.

00:00:44:09 - 00:01:20:11
Thais
Ever wondered who the dismissible wooden attachment style in relationships usually actually gets attracted to, and what traits or qualities those individuals they're really attracted to and really pursue actually possess. Well, if you're curious about this, join me in this exploratory video where we talk about the psychology behind what attracts avoidant attachment styles and relationships. And my goal is that by the end of this video, you can better understand the dynamics of attraction so that you can empower your relationships or potential future relationships and also break any painful patterns that may be keeping you stuck.

00:01:20:15 - 00:01:48:16
Thais
If you're not familiar with what dismissive avoidant attachment sound means. Every single person has an attachment style and there are four major ones insecurely attached. So who does the easiest has the easiest time and relationships and more to the anxious, preoccupied, who can be very anxious and times needy, clingy and because of big abandonment ones from childhood. Then we have our dismissive avoidant who tends to be very afraid of commitment and may find themselves more emotionally withdrawn in relationships.

00:01:48:16 - 00:02:07:16
Thais
They tend to stonewall, avoid conflict. And last but not least, are fearful avoidant who can be very hot and cold in relationships largely because they have a lot of very hot and cold experiences with love growing up. Really good experiences, really scary experiences or frustrating, hurtful experiences. And so they tend to go back and forth all the time.

00:02:07:18 - 00:02:27:15
Thais
And this is largely because of the way that we are conditioned. So in this video, we are we are addressing in particular the dismissive avoidant. And if you also haven't been here before, my name is Tice. I'm the founder of the Personal Development School. And on this channel we talk a lot about subconscious mind attachment relationships and lots of tools to empower your relationship life.

00:02:27:17 - 00:02:50:23
Thais
So here are six major traits that really attract, dismiss billboard and attachment styles, and some of them may be surprising. In particular, our second to last one. So number one, empathy, because this myth of avoidance tend to be very much wired for trait variety, just like every other attachment style, meaning that we tend to be attracted to people who express a repressed trait.

00:02:50:24 - 00:03:13:04
Thais
It's one of those really initial drivers of attraction, often because dismissible ones are not very good at empathizing with themselves and are not very in tune with their own emotional experience. When they meet somebody who is it really draws them in. So if they are if they are very repressed emotionally and somebody comes along and says, Hey, I noticed you're feeling this way today, or Hey, what if you felt this way?

00:03:13:04 - 00:03:34:06
Thais
I wanted to look out for you because that would be a difficult situation that you were in today at work, if somebody expresses empathy and really sees a dismissive avoidant, it is actually one of the things they sometimes experience. Glimmerings around. They can feel very, very drawn to this. And again, it's because we're seeking this trait variety. We're seeking people who tend to express things differently than we do.

00:03:34:06 - 00:03:59:05
Thais
And it can really draw somebody in. Number two, the ability for somebody to be attuned. So if somebody is really attuned to a dismissive wouldn't again, it follows along that same kind of track where if you're really out of attunement with your self and somebody comes in and notices things about you, is attuned to you, pays attention to small details about you, it makes a dismissive, avoidant, feel valued, important, cared for.

00:03:59:07 - 00:04:15:14
Thais
And you have to remember a lot of if you've been following this channel for a while, a lot of dismiss avoidance do not have this experience growing up. They go through some form of childhood emotional neglect, sometimes even combined with enmeshment, and they feel like, you know, nobody's really they're looking out for them. They had to do it all on their own.

00:04:15:15 - 00:04:34:02
Thais
So when somebody is really attuned, it really lands for them. Number three, for similar reasons, supportive ness, if somebody goes out of their way to support and express support, often through acts of service, so through, you know, doing a favor, bringing them coffee, bringing them breakfast,

00:04:34:02 - 00:04:37:21
Thais
even if it's somebody at work like helping them with their work in some way.

00:04:37:23 - 00:04:51:19
Thais
These supportive components, again, tend to land for a dismissive one because these are things they didn't usually have growing up in their upbringing. And so this trait variety is that first initial factor that really drives attraction here.

00:04:51:19 - 00:05:11:20
Speaker 1
I just want to jump in here and let you know that we are doing a 14 day free trial, which means you get access to the personal department, school and everything we have going on on the other side for free for 14 days. That means you get access to the four live webinars I do every single week. You can come in, you can ask me questions with your camera on.

00:05:11:20 - 00:05:37:19
Speaker 1
We can chat. You can leave your camera off if you prefer, or type your questions in the chat. There's lots of opportunity to get your questions answered and on top of that you get access to all of our different courses. We have over 55 different courses on relationships, communication boundaries, emotional mastery, guilt and shame, learning your needs. So many different facets that are really important to master our lives and feel really good about our lives going forward.

00:05:37:21 - 00:05:57:01
Speaker 1
And last but not least, there's also community elements in there. So there's a daily community event, whether it's practicing communication or doing a guided morning routine or a guided reprograming exercise. We have trained facilitators and coaches who are in there doing that work, showing up to support you on your journey every single day. So I would love to see you on the other side.

00:05:57:01 - 00:06:15:14
Speaker 1
There's lots of exciting stuff in there and we have had a 99.7% NPS score, which means we have literally that many people who report being really successful, APD us and wanting to recommend us to others. And it was all done anonymously. So I felt really honored that everybody shared that. So thank you to those who did. But yeah, please join me on the other side.

00:06:15:14 - 00:06:22:05
Speaker 1
Come check it out. See if it's a book for you. I'd love to see you there.

00:06:22:05 - 00:06:25:18
Thais
Number four, emotional availability.

00:06:25:18 - 00:06:29:23
Thais
again, following along the same lines, if somebody who's emotionally available, if they're warm,

00:06:29:23 - 00:06:43:17
Thais
if they are conversational, if they're easy to speak to, again, it has this degree of like bringing the dismissive, avoidant, comfort, security, a sense of like not having to sort of be closed off.

00:06:43:17 - 00:06:53:14
Thais
And even though you may not see it in a dismissive avoidant because they may be a little bit more withdrawn and how they portray and express themselves, it doesn't mean they aren't feeling very drawn to it.

00:06:53:14 - 00:07:04:16
Thais
And you know, the challenging part and you know, I talk a lot about this on this channel as a whole, but the challenging part is that these things that initially drive attraction, they still have two other really important ones to go through.

00:07:04:16 - 00:07:35:12
Thais
But these things that initially drive attraction later on can be the things that cause us to feel resentment. Because if we don't integrate these traits into our own world, our subconscious comforts only later reject these things. So part of this is like us being able to understand that this drives a lot of initial attraction can be things that these are very drawn to, but they actually have to learn to properly receive and their relationships properly be open to properly integrate within themselves so that this is a sustainable dynamic.

00:07:35:12 - 00:07:40:15
Thais
But again, we're just focused on those initial parts of attraction and this has such an impact. There.

00:07:40:15 - 00:07:41:12
Thais
Number five

00:07:41:12 - 00:07:55:00
Thais
acceptance. This is sometimes the surprising one when a dismissive avoidant doesn't want to be changed and they say things like, I don't want to be change, I don't want to have to change. Part of what this is is because at a deeper level, they equate love to acceptance.

00:07:55:02 - 00:08:13:15
Thais
And so when somebody is very accepting of them and makes them feel like, Hey, if you have a flaw, it's okay. We all have flaws. It's normal. And they normalize the flaws or normalize the fears or just make them feel really kind of unconditionally accepted as a whole. It doesn't mean you can't still say like, Hey, these are my needs.

00:08:13:15 - 00:08:31:05
Thais
Can you meet them in a relationship? Hey, here are my boundaries. Sure. My standards. It doesn't mean you don't communicate about what you need, but if they make a mistake or they do something wrong, you can communicate that while still doing it from an accepting place. Right. An example might be like they forget to call you back and you've had a discussion about it that that's important to.

00:08:31:05 - 00:08:47:10
Thais
You might say, Hey, you know, I know you've got a lot going on right now. I understand that. But I just want to remind you, you know, calling me back is really important and I want us to keep working on that in the relationship. And so you're doing this from this place of you're not going, what's wrong with you that you can't remember this?

00:08:47:10 - 00:09:14:00
Thais
You're a bad partner, you're not doing this from this place of rejection. You're accepting them as a human with flaws and forgetful moments, but still communicating about your needs at the same time. These do not have to be separate things. So that is a really important one for that. And last but not least, a really, really important dynamic is somebody who understands, supports and accepts their need for freedom and autonomy.

00:09:14:02 - 00:09:31:19
Thais
So these tend to be huge things. You know, dismissive words really want to feel like they can invest in a relationship, but also they can have time to have their freedom and autonomy when needed to do their own thing, to recharge in the way that they recharge. And the more that is understood, accepted it and integrate into the relationship, the better, of course.

00:09:31:19 - 00:09:33:20
Thais
Thank you so much for stopping by.