00:00:00:00 - 00:00:33:16
Thais
Hello and welcome to the Personal Development School podcast. I'm your host. Thais Gibson, and I create regular podcast episodes to teach you about your relationships, attachment style and the subconscious mind. My goal of this podcast is to give you tools and awareness you need to thrive in your relationships, feel deeply connected, and find harmony and fulfillment in your relationships and personal life.
So I hope you tune in here with me each and every week.

00:00:43:08 - 00:01:11:03
Thais
Before you take the plunge and decide to enter into a new relationship and actually make a commitment to somebody you're dating, there are ten things that you really want to ask both yourself and your potential partner, because relationships have the power to literally recondition our subconscious mind because people rub off on us. And it's actually the repetition and emotion of being around somebody or something that actually creates programing for us.

00:01:11:05 - 00:01:40:13
Thais
And I have seen consistently over the past decade of working with people how much their romantic partner actually can impact them, especially over time. So these are ten really important questions you want to ask yourself. And in the first five, they're very focused on self asked questions and five other really important questions for a total of ten that you really want to ask the person that you were thinking of being in a committed relationship with.

00:01:40:15 - 00:01:44:07
Thais
So stay tuned so that you don't end up with the wrong person

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Thais
First and foremost, a huge question you want to ask yourself is What are my non-negotiables? You can think of your non-negotiables essentially, essentially of being your deal breakers. So your non-negotiables are the things like, I will not date somebody who smokes, for example, and that may be for you because you grew up in a family where there was lung cancer, right?

00:02:05:08 - 00:02:28:12
Thais
So if there's these things that have deeply impacted you, that can be very, very meaningful. A really obvious non-negotiable for somebody is if one person wants kids and another person doesn't want kids, and that may even seem very straightforward. But the reality is I can't tell you how many relationships I saw like this where literally people didn't have these conversations or they did at a very high level and kind of brisk through it.

00:02:28:14 - 00:02:48:03
Thais
And then both of them assumed that the other person would change their mind over time, which rarely happens when it comes to these really important things. So you need to know what are your non-negotiables and you need to know, does this person I'm considering being in a long term relationship with have any of these things and if you don't know, you have to go have that conversation and ask for clarification.

00:02:48:05 - 00:03:03:10
Thais
Number two, you need to know your standards. Like what are your standards for what you're looking for in a relationship? What's important to you? What are the things that are going to be meaningful to you when it comes to making a decision? Do you want somebody in a relationship who's going to be ambitious and push you to grow?

00:03:03:12 - 00:03:23:02
Thais
Do you want somebody in a relationship who's going to be supportive and emotionally available? Like what are the standards that are really important to you? That may not be a deal breaker, but still have a lot of impact and meaning. And these are the non-negotiables and the standards. These are the things that are really kind of create a lot of basically the foundation of your relationship.

00:03:23:08 - 00:03:43:03
Thais
Are you strong? Are you standing on a strong foundation? And a lot of people may not be. So it's really important to get clear on that stuff. Number three, what are my morals in a relationship? What am I looking for from a moral perspective? Do I want somebody who's really honest? Do I want somebody who operates from a place of being in integrity?

00:03:43:05 - 00:04:06:09
Thais
So I want somebody who's very trustworthy or loyal? Like, what are these sort of moral components that are important to you? And I want you to take the time to really look at those things. And then question number four that you want to ask yourself is, does this person fit a lot of these things? And if they don't, are these solvable problems?

00:04:06:09 - 00:04:24:10
Thais
We're going to sneak in an extra questionnaire. It's like four A and four B, So are these solvable problems, right? Like if somebody is not operating in integrity some times, can you go to them and have a conversation and say, look, this is really important to me. I want to see these things going forward? And will that person show up to work on that thing?

00:04:24:12 - 00:04:43:09
Thais
Okay. And these are really important questions and you don't want to hear them say yes and then decide to commit. You want to watch that unfold and watch that change because you don't want to fall into the trap of dating somebody. Potential. You want to date their behaviors, what you're actually seeing in front of you. Question number five for yourself.

00:04:43:14 - 00:04:59:12
Thais
Am I emotionally ready? And, you know, I think that a lot of people put pressure on themselves. They think like, I need to be perfect to be in a relationship. It's not that it's not, okay, I'm going to date somebody when my mortgage is paid off. I'm going to date somebody when I have the dream career that I've always wanted.

00:04:59:12 - 00:05:22:14
Thais
You know, that can actually be an avoidance pattern more than anything else. I mean, I want you to ask yourself, are you ready to be vulnerable? Are you ready to try to hash through hard conversations? Are you ready to make healthy compromises and stretch yourself in terms of your communication? Are you ready to start making choices that are going to allow for you to consider the other person and how you make choices in your life?

00:05:22:14 - 00:05:35:12
Thais
Right. You can't just go do whatever you want all the time if you're in a committed relationship, you can still have a lot of freedom, but you have to be mindful of how your behaviors can affect somebody else. So are you emotionally ready to do those things? Okay, these are the questions for yourself.

00:05:35:12 - 00:05:55:04
Thais
I just want to jump in here and let you know that we are doing a 14 day free trial, which means you get access to the personal department, school and everything we have going on on the other side for free for 14 days. That means you get access to the four live webinars I do every single week. You can come in, you can ask me questions with your camera on.

00:05:55:04 - 00:06:21:03
Thais
We can chat. You can leave your camera off if you prefer, or type your questions in the chat. There's lots of opportunity to get your questions answered and on top of that you get access to all of our different courses. We have over 55 different courses on relationships, communication boundaries, emotional mastery, guilt and shame, learning your needs. So many different facets that are really important to master our lives and feel really good about our lives going forward.

00:06:21:05 - 00:06:40:10
Thais
And last but not least, there's also community elements in there. So there's a daily community event, whether it's practicing communication or doing a guided morning routine or a guided reprograming exercise. We have trained facilitators and coaches who are in there doing that work, showing up to support you on your journey every single day. So I would love to see you on the other side.

00:06:40:10 - 00:06:58:23
Thais
There's lots of exciting stuff in there and we have had a 99.7% NPS score, which means we have literally that many people who report being really successful, APD us and wanting to recommend us to others. And it was all done anonymously. So I felt really honored that everybody shared that. So thank you to those who did. But yeah, please join me on the other side.

00:06:58:23 - 00:07:03:18
Thais
Come check it out. See if it's a book for you. I'd love to see you there.

00:07:03:18 - 00:07:05:15
Thais
your next questions.

00:07:05:17 - 00:07:27:23
Thais
These are your questions for the person that you're dating. Number one. What do they expect? A committed relationship to look like? Like what would be the difference between just dating as you are versus a committed relationship? What are they expecting to change and this will help you sort of get an idea of their expectations of a relationship and see if if that's a good fit for you.

00:07:27:23 - 00:07:48:07
Thais
Right. You want to make sure that that's something that you feel comfortable and good about going forward. Number two, are there any past relationship patterns that didn't go well for them? Do they think they may still repeat? Okay, so sometimes it can be white lying too often for somebody, another person. It could be that there was infidelity in a past relationship.

00:07:48:07 - 00:08:06:11
Thais
Are they really ready to be in a place where they're not going to repeat that right. And so these need to be a tough question that you ask, but these need to be real questions that, you know, real conversations that you have because this will be really meaningful to make sure that you're vetting this person properly, to make sure that they are ready for a relationship that you want to be invested in.

00:08:06:13 - 00:08:32:22
Thais
Number three, what are the biggest triggers in relationships and is there a way to talk about these things ahead of time to mitigate the potential of these things coming up and causing this kind of volatile reaction in the relationship dynamic? Okay. Really important discussion to have because also the thing for you to ask yourself and to have a conversation and share the information with them about number four, what are important needs for them in a relationship?

00:08:32:22 - 00:08:53:14
Thais
Okay, so what are the most important needs that they want to get that from you in a relationship? And do they feel comfortable communicating about these things and advocating for them in real time? Right. Not after you haven't done something or haven't met a need for a week. They get angry, but instead, do they feel comfortable speaking up about these needs, reminding you, seeing those needs through?

00:08:53:20 - 00:09:11:11
Thais
Okay, these are really important batting questions. And number five, if we do commit to a relationship, how are we going to handle conflict together? Okay, you know, how what are our standards going to be for how we show up? Are we going to make sure that we don't go to sleep angry? Are we going to make sure that we don't leave any stone unturned?

00:09:11:11 - 00:09:35:23
Thais
Are we going to make sure we actually get to a resolution and don't sweep things under the rug? These are really powerful questions to ask. So this can be something before you get into a relationship. I highly, highly recommend some of these questions can even be like, you know, soon after you've just entered into a relationship. But these are things that you want to know the answers to because you don't know the answers, the proactive way you're going to learn them the reactive way instead, which will always be more difficult.

00:09:35:23 - 00:09:39:10
Thais
Thank you so much for being here and I hope to see you on the other side.