00:00:00:00 - 00:00:42:24
Thais
Hello and welcome to the Personal Development School podcast. I'm your host. Thais Gibson, and I create regular podcast episodes to teach you about your relationships, attachment style and the subconscious mind. My goal of this podcast is to give you tools and awareness you need to thrive in your relationships, feel deeply connected, and find harmony and fulfillment in your relationships and personal life. So I hope you tune in here with me each and every week.
00:00:42:24 - 00:00:48:17
Thais
I'm going to talk to you a little bit about six tools you can use to build self-worth.
00:00:48:17 - 00:00:55:20
Thais
number one, one of the most powerful ways we can build self-worth is to have better boundaries.
00:00:55:22 - 00:01:18:29
Thais
Why does this matter? Well, number one, we have to imagine that the relationship to ourselves is like a real relationship. And if we had somebody constantly violating our boundaries in a romantic relationship, like a spouse or a partner, that person would be diminishing our worth. It's like they don't care enough about us to respect our boundaries, to care for our boundaries, to care for our sense of self.
00:01:19:02 - 00:01:48:11
Thais
So all day long, when we're violating our own boundaries by not communicating them, not expressing them, not even noticing them. These are forms of literally sort of like tearing away or eroding your self-worth over time. So the behaviors we have and the relationship to ourselves dramatically impact our self-worth. Number two, practice actively receiving. I notice a lot of people who have low self-worth have a really difficult time receiving compliments, receiving love, receiving connection.
00:01:48:14 - 00:02:15:07
Thais
And I believe this is because it reflects our subconscious comfort zone in the relationship to ourselves. We're always putting ourselves down. It's actually outside of our subconscious comfort zone to be built up or truly encouraged or complimented by somebody and to really receive it and let it last. So when we have somebody give a compliment or give kindness to us, a wonderful practice is to be able to literally say thank you and to take it in and to feel what they're saying and acknowledge it in your own life.
00:02:15:07 - 00:02:38:27
Thais
This is a great way to really build up self-worth as well. Number three, adjust your internal dialog and relationship to yourself, especially as it exists around our core wounds. So we all of our wounds basically go through life. We get programed with specific ideas or stories about ourselves. We have these these core wounds and these pieces are like these identities we gather, right?
00:02:38:27 - 00:03:01:24
Thais
So let's say, for example, we felt unloved in childhood for some reason. We may tell the story, okay, I'm unloved, I'm unlovable, and we may take that narrative into our relationships in the moment something bad happens. That's all those dormant ideas we have stored about ourselves, because the past painful experiences really come to the surface and we're like, they're not calling me back because I'm not lovable.
00:03:01:26 - 00:03:06:21
Thais
They didn't want to go out with me and I'm not lovable. And we tell those stories and we have to really change that.
00:03:06:25 - 00:03:16:07
Thais
some different core wounds you may see, or things like I'm not good enough, I'm unworthy, I'm incapable, I'm disliked, I'm disrespected, unloved, I'll be abandoned, I'll be alone forever.
00:03:16:13 - 00:03:34:17
Thais
These sorts of narratives that we have, that we project on to our external situations. Then the other thing is like our internal dialog affects the relationship to ourselves so much until we're constantly putting ourselves down and criticizing ourselves. It would literally be as if we had a friend following us around all day, actively putting us down as well.
00:03:34:19 - 00:03:41:09
Thais
And that person over time would start to hurt us and diminish your self esteem. So we have to take care of that and the relationship to ourselves.
00:03:41:09 - 00:03:58:25
Speaker 1
I just want to pop in here and let you know We are doing a seven day free trial to the answers. Membership pass a PDS, which means you get access to literally everything inside of the school. And this includes the four live webinars I do with our students every single week. And on top of that, you get access to all of our different courses.
00:03:58:25 - 00:04:23:00
Speaker 1
We have over 55 different courses on relationships, communication boundaries, emotional mastery, guilt and shame, learning your needs. So many different facets that are really important to master our lives and feel really good about our lives going forward. And last but not least, there's a daily community event. We have trained facilitators and coaches who are in there doing that work, showing up to support you on your journey every single day.
00:04:23:01 - 00:04:31:11
Speaker 1
Please join me on the other side. Come check it out. See if it's a book for you. I'd love to see you there. Go ahead and sign up by clicking the link in the description box below.
00:04:31:11 - 00:04:46:01
Thais
Number four, not just end the self-criticism and reprograming hormones that we just talked about, but actively build yourself up in your thoughts because everything starts and ends at the level of thinking or behaviors follower emotions follow.
00:04:46:03 - 00:05:05:07
Thais
It's such a powerful part of who we are and the relationship to ourselves. So if we don't have a habit to actively build ourselves up like a self encouragement habit, some morning routine where we, you know, acknowledge three things that we're proud about in our lives or at the in the evening we have an evening routine where we write about the wins that we had for the day and we actively acknowledge ourselves.
00:05:05:07 - 00:05:23:06
Thais
We may just be in a position where we get that self criticism and we've nothing to actively build us up. And again, the absence of that would feel like having a partner who's never complimented you in your whole relationship would be like, Do they think I'm good enough? Do they think that I'm lovable? Do they like me? Like you might have those question marks?
00:05:23:08 - 00:05:38:23
Thais
So we have to show up in the relationship for ourselves that way. Our next one is number five Release of consciousness, Stored guilt and shame. This is a really powerful one. And in the school, in our seven day free trial, we also have a guilt and shame course to get access to all these things, by the way, in the trials for free.
00:05:38:25 - 00:05:59:17
Thais
So you can check it out with workbooks and tools and like really great places to get started and deeper tools for Reprograming as you go through the different modules. But anyways, one of the best things I tell people to get started with if you're trying to change guilt and shame, is to audit your guilt and shame. How often throughout the day you either put yourself down through shaming yourself like, this is so embarrassing.
00:05:59:19 - 00:06:16:08
Thais
My God, I made a mistake. And you feel that feeling of shame. When you're feeling shame, you are shaming yourself. So you can't feel shame without actively shaming yourself. And also to look at guilt in yourself. How often throughout the day you find yourself guilting yourself like, I should have done this better, I should have done that better, Probably heard this person's feelings.
00:06:16:14 - 00:06:33:14
Thais
I should have shown up more. I should apologize more often. If you constantly have this dynamic guilting yourself, that's going to diminish your self esteem as well, because you're in a space of people pleasing and putting yourself last and caring more about everybody else when everybody else thinks you even and how you're showing up and choosing to show up in the relationship to yourself.
00:06:33:17 - 00:07:05:21
Thais
And any time we're guilted chronically self esteem will lower accordingly. Last but not least, know your personality needs and live in alignment if you are not already familiar. We all have a deep set of subconscious personality needs that we tend to identify as our sense of self. These can be things for probably a lot of people watching this channel, like emotional connection, romantic relationships, personal growth, spiritual growth, comfort, security, like all these different things can be forms of personality needs.
00:07:05:21 - 00:07:23:23
Thais
And there's 40 to 45 really common ones approval, materialism, vanity, like all these different things. And they tend to drive or patterns of behavior and really govern like how we identify ourselves at the core. And if we don't know who we are, we can really live out of a line that was who we are. And then I'm going to show you what happened.
00:07:23:23 - 00:07:49:15
Thais
So let's say, for example, so some of my really high personality needs are about personal growth, emotional connection, being of service to others teaching. And so if I have these needs and a lot of them are like about growth in human behavior and connection and they're facing people and teaching with people and contributing and being of service. If you took me on, you put me in an office working alone all day where I was like crunching numbers.
00:07:49:18 - 00:08:10:16
Thais
I may have a great job doing whatever that might be, but I'm probably not going to have my subconscious mind, which is where these personality needs exist on board, to participate with my conscious intentions. So my conscious mind, they have these needs to be able to literally show up and like do a really good job and be really effective and be the best version of myself.
00:08:10:18 - 00:08:30:04
Thais
But it's not all taking place. My subconscious mind is on board the literal. My conscious mind is Let's move in this direction, and my subconscious mind says, No, we're going to go in this direction. I'm going to be around people and I may not be investing myself fully in the same way. And I have this friction between my consciousness subconscious, and unfortunately, the subconscious mind is really the one running the show.
00:08:30:06 - 00:08:45:01
Thais
And so if I'm living out of alignment, I may not be showing up as much at work. I may not be working as hard. If I'm an accountant, let's say crunching numbers alone in my office, because I have other things that I am motivated to do on my free time instead. And I'm probably not learning outside of work.
00:08:45:01 - 00:09:00:29
Thais
I'm really not expanding myself in that area. And then every day I go into work, it feels like a form of self betrayal. And also because I'm not showing up as well, I may not be retaining information in the same way or growing in the same way, like some of my peers might be in the workplace. And then I'll start telling stories.
00:09:00:29 - 00:09:16:24
Thais
I'll be like, I'm not good enough, I'm not getting things done on time. Why do you procrastinate so much when really a lot of this can actually be? I'm living out of alignment with my deep personality needs in general, and that will be a huge diminishing of my self esteem long term. So very, very important to note and to recognize.
00:09:16:24 - 00:09:20:08
Thais
Thank you so much for being here and I hope to see you on the other side.
