00:00:00:00 - 00:00:42:12
Thais
Hello and welcome to the Personal Development School podcast. I'm your host. Thais Gibson, and I create regular podcast episodes to teach you about your relationships, attachment style and the subconscious mind. My goal of this podcast is to give you tools and awareness you need to thrive in your relationships, feel deeply connected, and find harmony and fulfillment in your relationships and personal life. So I hope you tune in here with me each and every week.

00:00:42:12 - 00:00:50:04
Thais
I'm going to talk to you a little bit about whether or not fearful, avoidance and dismissive of wouldn't attachment cells can deactivate when it comes to their goals.

00:00:50:04 - 00:00:52:19
Thais
this is an amazing question we have from inside of the community.

00:00:52:19 - 00:01:07:10
Thais
I thought this was a really fantastic point. And it's about health care for wings and ideas, both tend to have a tendency to sort of shut down or deactivate completely from their goals, or they're different things that they're trying to create or complete in their lives. And as individuals asking, why does this happen?

00:01:07:10 - 00:01:20:27
Thais
so the first thing you need to know is basically deactivation is a coping mechanism, right? Just like any other response to trauma. And I find that this this deactivating coping mechanism is actually very much related to one of our four trauma responses.

00:01:20:27 - 00:01:52:28
Thais
We know that the four responses that we have in regards to trauma, our fight or flight freeze and fun one is sort of like people pleasing and definitely an anxious, preoccupied or essay with their anxious side coping mechanism more so. And it really has a lot to do with like releasing our own needs, repressing our own boundaries or feelings in favor of people pleasing because we're prioritizing our fear of abandonment, for example, or fear of being a burden or fear of being rejected or disliked over our actual need to stand up and speak up for our own truth, our own boundaries, our own needs, etc..

00:01:53:01 - 00:02:14:16
Thais
Now, when it comes to the deactivating version of this, what I find most so is that fearful avoidance, when they feel really overwhelmed or when they feel uncomfortable or upset or frustrated, they may flee from a situation this is usually they can face last case scenario resort and usually they fight back first. So they've got a strong like fight response a lot of the time.

00:02:14:19 - 00:02:36:28
Thais
And and when we look at this in the context of like towards our actual goals, the FAA version of this in relationship to their goals is often a fight against response, in other words, a sabotaging response. And you'll see a lot of fearful avoidance or disorganized attachment style individuals, the ones that sometimes like get ahead for a little bit of time, but then fight back and sort of sabotage.

00:02:36:28 - 00:02:55:28
Thais
And usually it's because they don't like to feel like they have to do something, like they have to continuously show up, like there's pressure or like there's expectation, like they're trapped. Like these are the things that they're fighting back against. It's not the goals themselves, but it's the subconscious meaning they give to their goals when they start to tire or when they don't feel like doing it.

00:02:55:28 - 00:03:18:15
Thais
And they start to sort of associate the gold pressure, ecstatic expectation, these sorts of things being controlled. And then you're going to have that sabotaging subconscious response. The failure response is going to be when like had enough ready to seriously let go of this altogether. And and that flight response can be like fleeing a job. All of a sudden because you realize that you've hit this tipping point and your needs are not met.

00:03:18:15 - 00:03:40:08
Thais
And rather than having the staying power and working on that, which I'll do a separate video about, because sometimes triple wins will think that they can't communicate about their needs are express their needs, and so they'll lack staying power to work through hard situations, have the tough conversations sometimes not because they're not capable of it, but because they get very limited modeling for tools for this, right?

00:03:40:08 - 00:03:58:28
Thais
Usually they see chaos or a lack of communication in their household. So anyway, so you'll see these strong like flee and fight against responses in extreme cases. We can also see wins. When they go super overwhelmed, they go into a freeze response. But all of these things are deactivating strategies to a certain degree, right? If I flee, I'm kind of deactivating my fight against.

00:03:58:28 - 00:04:23:19
Thais
These are like avoidant oriented behaviors as coping mechanisms rather than approach oriented behaviors, coping mechanisms. So you'll see these different dynamics in here. Dismissive avoidance. They tend to freeze or flee. Usually they will freeze for a little while. This will show up in their life is sort of just an avoidance like not wanting to touch, not wanting to go there like almost like a an over compartmentalization where they'll compartmentalize, but to the point where it becomes unhealthy.

00:04:23:19 - 00:04:41:06
Thais
It's not like, I have to compartmentalize. I'm like, put my head down and work through something. I'm not enjoying that much for 30 minutes and then move back over to the things I do. Like, it's not like a temporary. This will get things done or achieved, or sometimes we can't always do what we always want to do in every part of our work.

00:04:41:06 - 00:04:59:12
Thais
Even if we love our job overall, it's like a compartmentalizing where it's like I compartmentalize and it's like I park away and I hide it in the corner of my garage and I pile all these different things on top of I don't have to look at it kind of compartmentalization like it's a a strong avoidance. And so we'll see that a lot for dismissive avoidance.

00:04:59:15 - 00:05:23:13
Thais
And then, of course, the flea response as well. But there are a lot less likely to fight back because they usually are but converse at a deep subconscious level unless it's very particular cases. But as a general rule, we won't see that and they're definitely not much of foreigners in life. So it's interesting to see how these different like trauma responses can impact are subpar just coping mechanisms.

00:05:23:16 - 00:05:42:25
Thais
And because that's part of our subconscious programing as a whole, this actually like what our programing is, will spill into everything in our life, right? We have a relationship to each of the areas of our lives. So when we have a relationship to our goals in our life, whatever we haven't retrained or reprogramed at a subconscious level for us is going to show up in the relationship we have to our own goals or dreams.

00:05:43:09 - 00:05:51:14
Thais
So when we have trauma responses, these are a great call for nervous system regulation techniques. We have our somatic processing and nervous system regulation course

00:05:51:14 - 00:06:00:21
Thais
with a lot of powerful tools for like being able to get in charge of your emotional state, but also learn what it feels like to be up, regulated or down regulated.

00:06:00:21 - 00:06:25:18
Thais
Sympathetic nervous system Motor parasympathetic Nervous system mood sympathetic operate regulated. Parasympathetic is more like in a state of homeostasis. And when we're in like rest and digestive healing mode and ways to actually trigger which system we want to be in because both serve at different times, but sometimes we're too upregulated, that's not always the best thing. So anyway, if you see this in yourself, check out that course.

00:06:25:18 - 00:06:38:16
Thais
If you want to do a deeper dive into a lot of this stuff, I would love to see in the training I'm super excited to be able to share this and get more tools out there. Sort of the world from what we talk about in PDFs. And thank you for watching and for being here. Let me know you've any other questions about this stuff.

00:06:38:16 - 00:06:50:12
Thais
The fearful and dismissive word deactivation in relationship to their goals or any other area of their life. Thank you for being here. Please lecture and subscribe if you haven't already and you hang around here sometimes. I would really appreciate it

00:06:50:12 - 00:07:15:08
Speaker 1
So I have some really exciting news and it's that integrated attachment theory training is back. In other words, you can be trained to become a relationship coach, certified an integrated attachment theory in literally 60 days. So who is this for? Well, of course it is for any individual who wants to make an impact and really be of service to others while also obtaining freedom and flexibility and abundance in their lives.

00:07:15:10 - 00:07:43:20
Speaker 1
And this is also for anybody who is already a counselor, a therapist, a coach, and just really wants to expand their toolkit. We've had so many people enter into the Integrated Attachment Theory program because they're just looking to obtain a certain degree of mastery in terms of understanding their own attachment patterns and also the attachment patterns of maybe their children or partner or other loved ones in their lives so they can really support those people and understand them more deeply.

00:07:43:23 - 00:08:03:08
Speaker 1
So please keep in mind that the last two times we ran this program, we filled up very fast. In fact, we oversold the programs and sold out completely. So if you're interested that, click the link below to learn more and dive in with me. And I'd love to see you there on the other side before seats run out.