00;00;00;01 - 00;00;19;08
Lindsay
I mean, when I first came into Kewanee, I felt so supported and cared for and people wanted to help and answer my questions. And then my getting to know people over time, I felt like people could see my progress and then remind me of that even when it was hard to see for myself, which has been really amazing.

00;00;19;12 - 00;00;35;06
Lindsay
The practice of supporting each other in our wins and by talking to people and then seeing other people also break through their subconscious comfort zones or different practices, I was able to try out different things and learn from people in that way.

00;00;35;09 - 00;01;17;22
Thais
Hello and welcome to the Personal Development School Podcast. I am so excited you are here. I am your co-host, Titus Gibson, along with our new special host, Mike Vizio. This is a podcast the discusses everything related to integrated attachment theory, the new attachment theory, along with the subconscious mind relationships. Communication needs boundaries and so much more. Throughout this podcast, you'll see a series of episodes I upload with new information, educational tips, all about how to thrive in relationships and really master your emotional state in your life, along with special guests hosted by Mike Zito to discuss all of these amazing topics into the longer form content.

00;01;17;25 - 00;01;31;22
Thais
Thank you so much for being here and I really hope you enjoy this episode.

00;01;31;25 - 00;01;53;29
Mike
My guest today has been a member of the Personal Development School for almost three years. She is now integrated Attachment theory Certified, and is on her journey to coaching others through healing their own attachment style. Her coaching practice is called My Garden and the slogan is Garden Your Precious Mind. Talking today a little bit about her own healing journey and what it's been like over the past three years.

00;01;54;00 - 00;01;59;23
Mike
I'd like to welcome my guest, Lindsay McKenna. Hello, Lindsay. How you doing today?

00;01;59;25 - 00;02;01;07
Lindsay
My name, right?

00;02;01;09 - 00;02;19;09
Mike
I did. I practiced a few times. Thanks for being here today, Lindsay. So I'm excited to talk about sort of your journey and what things have been like at personal development school and your life for the last three years or so. I want to start out by asking, can you share how you first recognized the need for healing your own attachment style?

00;02;19;11 - 00;02;52;12
Lindsay
I knew I needed therapy, so I tried out a couple different modalities and I tried an LP, which is neuro linguistic programing with a coach who also had attached preparing videos. So she had that knowledge. But I found it to be very expensive and not very effective for what I wanted. And then I kept searching after her. So that was the first time I figured out that I was fearful, avoided, and I ended up finding out that your avoidance of the same as disorganized attachment.

00;02;52;20 - 00;03;13;08
Lindsay
Right. And finding place on YouTube and her videos are incredible. I was so hooked by them because she's so empathetic and has science backed research with all these different studies that she'll say. So I was just like, This feels like the right thing. And very quickly after I joined the school and then got into all the courses and been doing the material.

00;03;13;12 - 00;03;27;10
Mike
Yeah, I hear a lot of people say when they start watching your videos, they're like, How does she know so much about me? You know what I mean? Did you get that feeling where you're like, Wow, she knows so much about fearful avoidance and, you know, my behaviors, my patterns, all those kind of things.

00;03;27;13 - 00;03;52;11
Lindsay
Yeah. I mean, everything she said made so much sense and explains a lot of the things that I'd been wondering about for a really long time. I feel like my whole life since I started meditating with Deepak Chopra was in this solutions finding and question answering these. And nothing really seemed to kind of quench that or help me have really effective change.

00;03;52;11 - 00;04;09;12
Lindsay
Like I would meditate every morning before work, but at the end of the week or the end of the day, I would be so drained and I couldn't figure out why I was so unhappy. Even though I had realized this dream that I really wanted and achieved it. But I was living it and I was still not happy.

00;04;09;14 - 00;04;26;16
Mike
Wow. Yeah, that's I think a lot of people can relate and, you know, they seek to find answers. And then when they do find something that resonates, they're like, Wow, this is super helpful. So I'm glad you found Tyson today. So what would you say some of the key challenges you faced at the beginning of your journey?

00;04;26;19 - 00;04;48;23
Lindsay
I think at the beginning of my journey, it was definitely trying different modalities of therapy and having them not work out or be what I needed. And then finding Tyson was a huge relief from that. But then even once I entered the school, I kind of had this emotional and st dealing with change and with engaging the emotions.

00;04;48;26 - 00;05;15;21
Lindsay
So my work around that, I think I started off as a very relieving working day. Mm hmm. And so my work around was just to kind of learn it on the logical level, as logical as I could, and just kind of make connections in the material and explore the school. And then I got comfortable over time with doing the emotional classes tool and engaging the emotions to really flip my negative voice into something more positive.

00;05;15;22 - 00;05;17;03
Lindsay
That really resonated for me.

00;05;17;07 - 00;05;35;18
Mike
That's great. I love how you mentioned yourself. You're kind of on the more on the avoidant side, engaging the emotions first might be a little tough because it's not. Avoidance can be a little more logical brain grade. So you're taking in the information and that's all good, but it takes a while if you're not used to it, to get to more emotional parts.

00;05;35;18 - 00;05;45;20
Mike
Sort of active, right? Can you highlight or think about a specific moment or exercise from the person around school that really impacted your understanding of attachment style?

00;05;45;23 - 00;06;13;00
Lindsay
I think in the emotional mastery course, I this story was really impactful in terms of a moment where I felt super understood. I mean, there were like Tyson's YouTube videos, which are awesome, but the ones you get into the school, I think that was one of the most impactful things that I saw early on. I actually recently and I see this is kind of an emotional mastery exercise that I missed, and it's getting to the root of the core group.

00;06;13;03 - 00;06;28;17
Lindsay
So it's asking yourself, what am I afraid of? And then what do I make that mean? And repeating them over and over again. And then you get down to the root root of what you're really afraid of, and then you can work from there. So that has actually been really game changing for me recently.

00;06;28;20 - 00;06;42;06
Mike
That's so interesting. So you're saying if you're on first glance, you might look at what am I making this mean? What am I afraid of? But there's layers to it. Sometimes you have to ask yourself that multiple times to get to the root of it.

00;06;42;08 - 00;06;43;05
Lindsay
Yeah.

00;06;43;07 - 00;06;52;14
Mike
And how did that tool exercise help you make a breakthrough in your healing process? Do you remember kind of a moment where it was like it really impacted you?

00;06;52;17 - 00;07;06;13
Lindsay
I thought that de facto was like a a more intense one for me, and I have done work on it, but underneath that it's more like I'm afraid to be alone. So I've been kind of working on that now.

00;07;06;15 - 00;07;17;04
Mike
That's so interesting. So first is the defective one seemed like it made the most sense, but the more sort of impactful wound was actually around being alone.

00;07;17;06 - 00;07;24;29
Lindsay
Yeah. Yeah. It's interesting because I never really thought very deeply into, like, the wound under the wound and how they're linked.

00;07;25;04 - 00;07;44;19
Mike
And then I guess having the I am defective will sort of keep you from being alone. If you're afraid of being alone and then having the I am defective wound is sort of keeping yourself away from people like, I'm not good enough, I'm defective. You know, I don't want anyone to really see who I really am. So you're keeping people a little bit at a distance, right?

00;07;44;21 - 00;07;45;14
Lindsay
Totally.

00;07;45;17 - 00;07;53;05
Mike
How would you say your relationships have changed since you started using the personal development school courses and tools to work on your attachment style?

00;07;53;06 - 00;08;18;16
Lindsay
I would say I'm way more aware just in general of like things that are coming out for me, which is really helpful in being able to communicate those things. And that awareness extends into going slow and getting new people, but also deciding where the level of closeness is for the people currently in my life and how do I interact with them in that sense.

00;08;18;20 - 00;08;27;00
Lindsay
So something I'm phoning the levels of closeness, but I'm excited because I feel like I have all the tools to like, dive more deeply into that.

00;08;27;06 - 00;08;47;19
Mike
I'm just curious, with your existing relationships, have you found now you're able to deepen them and there's more of an intimacy in more of a depth? I imagine there's some of that. But also, is there some people or, you know, others that you had to sort of remove or maybe realize, hey, this is maybe people that aren't aren't the best people to be in my life right now.

00;08;47;19 - 00;08;53;06
Mike
And as I heal, I can sort of see more clearly that, you know, these people aren't in my best interest.

00;08;53;09 - 00;09;26;04
Lindsay
I think the school gave me tools like awareness of what people's backgrounds are so I can have a lot more empathy for their actions and understand them on a really deep level. So I don't personalize things as much and then having distance with some people is really helpful because I can have that empathy for them and I can speak up for what I need, and if they can't give me what I need, then I just I don't personalize it as much, but I will act accordingly and like looking to what do I need for myself then?

00;09;26;05 - 00;09;46;09
Lindsay
Can I give that to myself? And then how do I adjust the relationship moving forward and then with the people that I emotionally trust? And it's actually really accelerated my feeling, which has been awesome. I realize that emotional state is so important for me to feel free and playful and to be happy and at peace in a relationship.

00;09;46;11 - 00;10;09;15
Lindsay
And so I'm able to speak up for my needs. And you're really aware my awareness of people that I trust as it gets so fast sometimes in the past, I would say it would take me at least a couple of days to realize that something emotionally bothered me, and now it's within an hour, if not immediately. So I'm super happy and proud of that.

00;10;09;15 - 00;10;18;18
Lindsay
And then I'm surprised at myself sometimes when I ask for what I need because I'm like, Wow. Like, I realized that right away and then I just ask for it. And it went really well.

00;10;18;21 - 00;10;41;03
Mike
That's amazing. You definitely should be proud of that. That's that's that's amazing there. And especially, like you said, if you don't know sort of what's wrong or something's bothering, you can take a long time to sort of figure out. I know I don't feel good right now, but I'm not sure what it is. But if you're able to sort of hone in on what you need and then go ahead and communicate it, you're just saving so much time and effort and energy.

00;10;41;04 - 00;10;48;15
Mike
That's great. So, Lyndsay, what advice would you give to someone who's just starting their journey towards healing their attachment style?

00;10;48;18 - 00;11;16;15
Lindsay
I would say trust yourself. Just see what you're drawn to. Go into the school and explore and see what resonates for you. Because I believe that different people learn differently and what we all need will be different. But that being said, I would say making the connections in the courses between material that really helped me to just kind of watch the videos a first and then see what I wanted to work on.

00;11;16;15 - 00;11;39;24
Lindsay
And then the Q&A is are really amazing because you can look at what other people are going through and sometimes it'll be really similar to what you're going through and you can learn from the answers that I give them. And talking to people in the school, sharing their experiences will give you kind of insight into other people's experiences, maybe in your life or maybe other attachment styles.

00;11;39;25 - 00;11;52;01
Lindsay
There's so many avenues where you can learn and grow and connect with people and get comfortable with the work. And I think it's just all really good and it's hard to go wrong.

00;11;52;03 - 00;12;13;00
Mike
Yeah, that's great. And I love how you mentioned the Q&A is and it's so true. How, you know, a lot of times we think we're suffering alone with something and like we're the only one with this problem. But then you hear time after time that people are going through a lot of the same stuff you are. So just by listening to the questions that are asked and then the answers that are given give you a lot of like insight.

00;12;13;03 - 00;12;24;02
Mike
And then of course, you have the opportunity to ask questions as well, which which can be very helpful. So I love all that. Thanks for sharing, though.

00;12;24;02 - 00;12;43;11
Thais
I have some exciting news, which is that we are doing $1,000 off of our lifetime membership sale to the Personal Development School, which means you get access to literally everything at PDS for your entire rest of your life. Essentially, that entails all of our different courses you have lifetime access to. I do four live webinars a week every single week.

00;12;43;11 - 00;13;09;06
Thais
You can access them on going and you get access to all of our daily community events permanently. So literally access to everything at the PDS platform forever. And if you're looking to find community, you're looking to connect with like minded people who are also working on their relationships, care about emotional connection and healing. We've got all those different events, and if you just want the security of that ongoing support and connection whenever you need it, that's just on demand that is there for you.

00;13;09;09 - 00;13;34;08
Thais
We have that 24/7 sort of component because you can post in our specific chat channels, connect with other community members, and we literally have so many people from across the world supporting each other, helping each other out, and most importantly, really becoming securely attached and seeing the results. So I'd love to see you on the other side and you can access it by using the link in the description box below.

00;13;34;10 - 00;13;42;25
Mike
Are there any specific tools or techniques that you found really helpful in the personal development school that you would recommend to somebody new on their healing journey?

00;13;42;28 - 00;13;54;26
Lindsay
Yeah, somatic work was really helpful for me when I was highly triggered. Like when I first started doing the healing work and I, you, if I got highly triggered, it would help me calm down.

00;13;54;28 - 00;13;56;00
Mike
Mm hmm.

00;13;56;03 - 00;14;08;13
Lindsay
Yeah. So that's like, especially there's this practice of trying to name the emotion in the body of healing into your body. What does it feel? And then what are my feelings?

00;14;08;18 - 00;14;16;23
Mike
And for anyone who doesn't know, who might have not heard this term, somatic work or somatic processing, do want to break that down for us.

00;14;16;26 - 00;14;40;25
Lindsay
That's something I'm still learning about. But I would say it's kind of like the mind body connection of how your emotions are stored in your body and how we experience emotions in the body. And yeah, it's interesting because when you make yourself aware of what you're feeling and how it shows up in your body, then it's a lot easier to calm down just the way that the brain functions.

00;14;40;25 - 00;14;57;14
Lindsay
It brings us from a really triggered state into like a more logical, rational part of the brain. Even though all of our decisions are emotional. But you can have kind of a more conscious view of what's going on in the subconscious.

00;14;57;17 - 00;15;08;13
Mike
Yeah, I love that. Know, you describe that really perfectly. Thank you. Have you found the value in connecting with other members who are also working on their attachment styles in the school?

00;15;08;15 - 00;15;33;16
Lindsay
Yeah, for sure. I mean, when I first came into ACU and I felt so supported and cared for and people wanted to help and answer my questions and then like getting to know people over time, I felt like people could see my progress and then remind me of that even when it was hard to see for myself, which has been really amazing, and the practice of supporting each other in our wins.

00;15;33;16 - 00;15;53;10
Lindsay
And also I would say people would guide me away from years in such a amazing way by talking to people and then seeing other people also break through their subconscious comfort zones or different practices. I was able to try out different things and learn from people in that way.

00;15;53;13 - 00;16;16;12
Mike
And I love that. I'm always blown away at, you know, the routines that I host in the school. I see sort of the knowledge and the care, I guess, you know, people are relative strangers. But then when you come in and you foster this sense of community and you just see people want to go, you know, above and beyond to support people and help them through whatever they're going through.

00;16;16;14 - 00;16;38;24
Mike
And I always encourage everyone to share if you think you might have something to add, if somebody is going through something, you don't have to know everything about attachment theory, but you're experience in itself just sharing with someone, you know, Hey, I've been through that type of experience. This is what happened with me. And it's just such a gift that people are offering the perspective that you don't usually get.

00;16;38;24 - 00;16;55;27
Mike
You won't get that on social media. You might have a hard time, you know, getting that from friends and family. But here everyone seems very open and vulnerable. And yeah, it's just a great, great environment to heal in for sure. Lindsay Looking back, what would you say is the most significant lesson you learned at the personal development school?

00;16;55;29 - 00;16;57;22
Lindsay
I have a lot.

00;16;57;24 - 00;16;59;18
Mike
Go ahead. We got time.

00;16;59;21 - 00;17;27;04
Lindsay
I think the first one is neuroplasticity. The idea that you can change your patterns and your habits is so beautiful and that like it, it spans any age. And there's this thing for fearful avoidance that I'm super passionate about, which is like empowerment, because there's been a lot of therapy that didn't know what to do with fearful avoidance or said, you know, you're kind of just at a loss if that's your attachment style.

00;17;27;04 - 00;17;36;16
Lindsay
But I think it's really awesome that you can use these tools and actually have growth and change even when the trial is really challenging.

00;17;36;17 - 00;18;00;04
Mike
So no, I love the hope that it gives to people. You're thinking if you have fearful avoidance and someone is telling you you're on your own, there's not much you can do about that. You know, just try to find a secure person today and that's your best hope. Like, that's going to feel disempowering. So, you know, it's wonderful how there's a path kind of to heal, fearful, avoidance and there's a lot of fearful avoidance in personal development school.

00;18;00;07 - 00;18;14;29
Mike
I've mentioned this before, I forget where, but they say 5% of the population is fearful avoidant. I still think it's got to be way more than that. I don't know if you agree or not, but there just seems to be a lot more fearful of avoidance, I believe, than 5%.

00;18;15;02 - 00;18;22;17
Lindsay
I wonder how they do those studies. But I feel like if that's the case, the whole I don't know, it's got to be like 3% or in this school.

00;18;22;19 - 00;18;35;19
Mike
Yeah, 3% of the worldwide 5%. Yeah. No doubt. And that's great. So how would you say that the personal development school is not only impacted your relationships, but your overall sense of self?

00;18;35;21 - 00;18;59;01
Lindsay
Yeah, I would say my awareness is a lot better for my sense of self. And self-love has definitely been like a journey that I've been on and like a habit to form. So that's that's definitely improved since I started PBIS because there's so many tools that are so tangible in creating that. Whereas before it felt like a real challenge.

00;18;59;01 - 00;19;24;01
Lindsay
I was trying a lot and I didn't see a lot of progress. So that's been really awesome. And then just the empathy and the awareness and the knowledge of what's happening in my day moments has felt really amazing with, you know, some of my most challenging relationships. I've been able to just being able to see what people are going through and not take it personally is a huge thing for me.

00;19;24;03 - 00;19;55;27
Mike
Yeah, I love the it's such a big piece because if you're taking things personally, you're probably going to be putting up a wall and feeling defensive. If somebody is doing something and your mind's not going to be interested in trying to understand sort of what they're going through and why they're acting that way. But when you can sort of step back and not personalize it and sort of begin to see, hey, I can actually see how that person would act that way or would say something like that, we can cultivate more empathy and compassion and come to better understanding of each other.

00;19;55;27 - 00;20;07;01
Mike
So that makes perfect sense. Lindsay Where do you see yourself in your attachment journey in the future? Or how would you say personal development school fits into your future?

00;20;07;08 - 00;20;32;23
Lindsay
Yeah, I would love to have the tools be just a lifestyle that I continue with for my whole life. And then with IHT and starting the coaching practice and helping people through that, that's going to be another phase of my journey. And then down the line I would love to do attachment theory based art and have it be really impactful and uplifting.

00;20;33;00 - 00;20;50;02
Mike
That's great. I know art therapy is super helpful for a lot of people and then combining the two would be like very impactful. So yeah, I get on that. Don't let anybody steal your idea there. How do you integrate the lessons you learned from personal development school into your everyday life?

00;20;50;08 - 00;21;10;21
Lindsay
I do just kind of make it a habit to use the tools every day and combine the tools, and it's fun to get creative with them. So in terms of auto suggestion, I use the emotional processing tool to inform my auto suggestion. And I recorded and sometimes I recorded in I'll journal at the same time. So really hone in on the feeling.

00;21;10;23 - 00;21;27;14
Lindsay
I'll combine it with auto suggestion and I love the somatic processing, kind of just being able to relax and know that I'm a human. That's one of my favorite exercises because it's so, so.

00;21;27;16 - 00;21;33;04
Mike
How do you integrate the lessons you've learned from the personal development school into your relationships?

00;21;33;07 - 00;22;01;28
Lindsay
I think it's totally transformed the way that I look at relationships and interacts. Having that emotional trust with people and being able to grow from there. But also it's like exposure work in the sense that I'm interacting with people and then it's going well. So it's a positive cycle, which is really awesome. And then I love this thing that one day in her somatic course talks about glimmers.

00;22;02;00 - 00;22;28;05
Lindsay
It's kind of along there's a beauty, a beliefs, starts, emotions, oxygen spectrum where you can get into some positive thought cycles. And I started doing this thing when I was traveling, like if I was in a really beautiful place, I would just feel into it and feel super grateful. And then I can have that as a memory and go back to that memory and feel good from what I, what I experienced.

00;22;28;05 - 00;22;41;07
Lindsay
And you're supposed to be able to do it like when you're triggered as well. But I just kind of like to think about it in that way, like creating memories and having that be an act of self love and care.

00;22;41;09 - 00;23;11;08
Mike
I love that. Yeah. Thanks for mentioning. So that's definitely helpful. And shout out to Rene, who's doing the emotional resilience routine a couple of times a week, very helpful and beneficial. So we're coming towards the end of the podcast today. Lindsay, thank you so much for being here. Again. I just wanted to say personally, I've seen you over the last three years or so, you didn't do a bunch of my routines in the past and definitely have seen growth in you and it's been really nice seeing that and.

00;23;11;11 - 00;23;19;06
Mike
Lindsay before we go, I was just wondering if you can let our audience and listeners know how can they get a hold of you if they wanted to work with you or follow your journey?

00;23;19;14 - 00;23;38;20
Lindsay
Yeah, check out my IHT coaching. It's my Jordan mind and then Jordan J are Diane. So it's Franklin Sports Garden in your mind, which is the metaphor of watering the flowers, growing the weeds, planting new seeds.

00;23;38;23 - 00;23;44;01
Mike
I love it. Is there anything else you wanted to mention before the end of today's podcast?

00;23;44;04 - 00;23;59;28
Lindsay
I'm just so super grateful to have found peace and for the community and for I know the people who work at the schools and definitely been the life changing journey. And yeah, it's awesome.

00;24;00;03 - 00;24;07;05
Mike
So nice to hear. Well, thanks again, Lindsay, for being here today. Really appreciate your time and we'll be seeing you really soon, I'm sure.

00;24;07;12 - 00;24;08;22
Lindsay
Thank you.

00;24;08;25 - 00;24;14;03
Mike
Okay. And to our viewers and listeners, thank you again. And as always, best of luck on your healing journey.