00;00;00;01 - 00;00;22;17
Lindsay
Often what we're looking for when we want closure, like when we want answers from an ex, is really we just want to get out of the pain. We want to feel better. We want to feel peace. And we believe that our ex can give us that that relief. If they give us those answers, then we're going to feel better and it's all going to be okay, which usually is not the case.
So what I tell people is you actually don't need your ex to get closure. You can get closure on your own because again, what we're looking for is relief from pain. We're looking for peace below.

00;00;36;22 - 00;01;16;23
Thais
And welcome to the Personal Development School podcast. I am so excited you're here. I am your co-host, Thais Gibson, along with our new special host, Mike Dizio. This is a podcast that discusses everything related to integrated attachment theory, the new attachment theory, along with the subconscious mind relationships. Communication needs boundaries and so much more. Throughout this podcast, you'll see a series of episodes I upload with new information, educational tips, all about how to thrive in relationships and really master your emotional state in your life, along with special guests hosted by Mike Vizio to discuss all of these amazing topics.
It's a longer form content. Thank you so much for being here and I really hope you enjoy this episode.

00;01;26;25 - 00;01;48;14
Mike
My guest today is a dating coach, break up mentor and certified energy dealing practitioner. She's been on a healing and spiritual journey for 15 plus years. She claims she can spot a fake guru from a mile away. She's also known as the Real Love Alchemist, and she helps people go from bad relationship to real love with the magic of subconscious work.

00;01;48;16 - 00;01;55;28
Mike
Also, developments podcast viewers and listeners. I'd like to introduce today's guest. Lindsay Hello, Lindsay. How you doing today?

00;01;56;00 - 00;01;59;09
Lindsay
Hi. Hi. I'm doing really well. How are you?

00;01;59;12 - 00;02;10;19
Mike
Thank you for being here. So maybe just to start off or our audience doesn't know you or hasn't heard of you, you just spend a few moments letting us know who you are, what you do, and maybe a bit of your backstory.

00;02;10;22 - 00;02;37;03
Lindsay
Yeah, sure thing. I'm Lindsay, and I am a certified energy healing practitioner, break up mentor, dating coach. And really what I do is I specialize in helping my clients go from bad relationships to what I call real love, which is a healthy relationship with the magic of subconscious work. So that means I dive into their subconscious and find the different subconscious blocks that might be holding them back from moving on from an ex getting into a healthy relationship.

00;02;37;06 - 00;02;42;11
Lindsay
I release them and I also guide them through the process of dating and creating a healthy relationship.

00;02;42;11 - 00;03;05;03
Mike
So as we know, you know, a lot of people who get into this healing work or guiding other people have sort of been through their own experiences that they had to overcome. And maybe it wasn't the best time suffering and things of your own struggles with their situation or relationships or something that you had to overcome to now sort of bring you that point where you're now able to help others?

00;03;05;06 - 00;03;23;10
Lindsay
Oh, 100%, yes. So when I talk about my story, it's like, oh my gosh, it feels like it happened a lifetime ago, but it really didn't. It was maybe four or five years ago I was coming out of a divorce and on top of that, an abusive relationship. So my marriage wasn't abusive, but I had left that relationship.

00;03;23;10 - 00;03;42;28
Lindsay
It was I would consider it toxic. It was I was with a partner who was emotionally unavailable. And as I was getting separated and just newly single, I was out looking for a partner, didn't really know what I was doing at that time. And I got into an abusive relationship with someone who was very narcissistic spiritual teacher actually.

00;03;42;28 - 00;04;06;05
Lindsay
So that's how I got my initiation in spotting those fakers. I got immersed in that world for a long time and I like coming out of that. I call it a double breakup because while I was going through divorce, it was essentially going through a breakup from that short but abusive relationship. And I really hit a rock bottom and was like, How did I get here?

00;04;06;05 - 00;04;37;21
Lindsay
You know, what went wrong? And I thought, I really need to figure this relationship stuff out. I really need to understand what happened that got me into this position where I was just in so much pain. It was just so bad, it was so intense and I had an energy healing business at the time. So I was using that energy feeling on myself, doing so much research, trying to figure out how to break this cycle of toxic relationships, working with mentors, working with therapist coaches, and doing my own energy healing work on myself.

00;04;37;23 - 00;04;59;28
Lindsay
So while I was doing the energy work with my clients, I was getting a lot of people that were going through similar situations, having a hard time moving on from an ex, trying to get into a healthy relationship and the energy work while it was also helping me a ton, it was helping my clients a ton too. So I was like, okay, this is a thing I could actually really niche down into this world of dating relationship tips.

00;04;59;28 - 00;05;18;10
Lindsay
And I was learning so much on my own journey that I realized I could help others to cope watching them through that process. So that's kind of how I got to where I am today. I just go into the fire of grief and just really realizing I need to make some massive changes here if I want a healthy relationship.

00;05;18;13 - 00;05;32;25
Mike
Right, Right. Well, thanks for sharing that story with us. And obviously, I always ask people, you know, if those things didn't happen, are you almost thankful you went through this to now bring you to where you are today or is this. I don't even want to think about that for the rest of my life.

00;05;32;28 - 00;06;01;05
Lindsay
Yeah, it's it's a good question. I would say I do not I'm not thrilled that I went through that pain. But it really was a transformation process. And yeah, I don't think I could have gotten to this point. Being in a healthy relationship now, about to get married without going through that, because it's almost like I just had to see how bad it could get for some reason before I could really hit the reset button and be like, No, yeah, yeah, this is not I have to do something majorly different here.

00;06;01;05 - 00;06;05;25
Lindsay
So yeah, I think I could say, yeah, I am kind of grateful for that.

00;06;05;27 - 00;06;17;16
Mike
And now you're helping so many people, so that's wonderful. So the Real Love Alchemist is your name, which I love. Romeo is sort of the genesis of that name. Was that your name right away or did that come about later on?

00;06;17;22 - 00;06;38;14
Lindsay
That was more of a recent thing because yeah, I've been working with clients for a couple of years and real love basically is my term for a healthy relationship. I heard a lot of people using that term and I was like, That's it. That's yeah, that's what this is. This is what I consider this real love. Not that the emotion of love isn't real and any emotion is real, but yeah, I call a healthy relationship real love.

00;06;38;16 - 00;06;56;05
Lindsay
But a lot of my clients would come to me and they would say, This work feels like magic. Whatever you're doing, it's amazing. I just feel so much better. It feels like you're doing magic. Oh, how can I come up with a name that incorporates magic? And I came up with Alchemist, so yeah, that's where the real Alchemist comes from.

00;06;56;09 - 00;07;17;18
Mike
So on your website you pose the question to people reading What if the break up you thought I'm would you is actually your ticket to the love you truly deserve. So a lot of people obviously going through bad breakups and I'm wondering for those people who are made in you explain to them how something that is so painful can actually be a gateway for us to find true love.

00;07;17;24 - 00;07;39;14
Lindsay
Yes, I can, because I really took this from my own story, You know, like I shared with you going through that, that double breakup, the pain was so intense and I really felt like, oh, my gosh, this feels like it's going to kill me. It didn't. It never does, but it feels like it. And what it eventually led to was a transformation for me that brought me to real love.

00;07;39;17 - 00;07;57;14
Lindsay
And so what I would tell anyone going through this is if you're trying to break the cycle of bad relationships, are trying to move on from an ex that was just hurtful to you, didn't treat you well. It's going to feel really painful. It's going to feel like, yes, maybe this is going to destroy me. I won't be able to make it through this.

00;07;57;14 - 00;08;17;25
Lindsay
But you will. You always will. And when you want to get to the point where you can have real love, a healthy relationship, you have to let go of what is not real love. So when you're going through that pain, that's you letting go of. That's the transformation process. And if you allow it, that transformation can bring you to real love.

00;08;17;28 - 00;08;18;11
Mike
Okay.

00;08;18;13 - 00;08;30;25
Lindsay
Yeah, that's that's how I got it. It's basically just from it's from my own journey of like, not going to make it. But I did. And yeah, like I said, I allowed it to bring me to the healthy relationship that I'm in now.

00;08;30;27 - 00;08;54;13
Mike
For sure. Yeah, that's inspiring. Yeah. Break ups obviously are not fun. I'd say a large portion of people come into the person about in school due to a breakup and they're just in so much pain and they just they just don't know what to do. So having, you know, someone like yourself to coach people and help people through the process and give them hope and inspiration is super valuable.

00;08;54;13 - 00;09;17;22
Mike
So that's that's amazing. So you have a YouTube channel as well. I want to talk about a video that you had there. It's entitled How to Get Closure from an Ex If They Won't Talk To You. So obviously, this is a very painful situation and really hard to move forward. If someone just leaves with no answers, you're left confused, abandoned or someone who's in that situation.

00;09;17;22 - 00;09;22;15
Mike
I was wonder if you let us know a little bit about what you can do in that situation where that happens.

00;09;22;17 - 00;09;52;28
Lindsay
Yeah. And it's yeah, it's such like you said, it's such a painful situation to be in when you don't have answers. And maybe your ex didn't even leave abruptly. They just couldn't really tell you what was going on. They couldn't give you a satisfying, clear answer. And so, yeah, my my specialty is working with the subconscious. So I have a little bit of insight into what's going on at that level and also what we're looking for when we want closure, when we want answers from an ex is really we just want to get out of the pain.

00;09;53;00 - 00;10;15;18
Lindsay
We want to feel better, we want to feel peace, and we believe that our ex can give us that that relief if they give us those answers, if they give us some sort of something, then we're going to feel better and it's all going to be okay, which usually is not the case. There might be a time where an ex can come back and give you some answers and you might feel a little bit better.

00;10;15;18 - 00;10;37;10
Lindsay
But it doesn't take away that pain and sometimes you get an answer and it's already been helpful actually hurts more. So it might have been something that you really didn't want to hear or just hurts your ego. So what I tell people is you actually don't need your ex to get closure. You can get closure on your own because again, what we're looking for is relief from hate.

00;10;37;11 - 00;10;55;10
Lindsay
We're looking for peace that your ex does not have to give you. You can do the work you can work with a therapist, go to your your school. You know, you can work with me. You can do the internal work to find that peace, to relieve the pain. And then you probably will not even care about talking to your ex anymore because we're looking for peace.

00;10;55;10 - 00;11;06;26
Lindsay
If we can find that peace on our own, the ex really becomes irrelevant. So yeah, it's a very common thing to want that from somebody from an ex, but you really don't need it. It's not necessary at all.

00;11;06;28 - 00;11;27;20
Mike
Yeah. And I can see if you're putting their sort of your, your happiness in their hands, you need for them to do this and that's the only way of course you're going to start feeling really panicky and worried and upset and constant rumination about it. But as you're explaining, there are ways you can do that within yourself and you don't need the actual acts to do so.

00;11;27;22 - 00;11;45;14
Lindsay
I can say this from personal experience to where I knew the truth about all this. I would try to get closure from exes and a lot of the exes, you know, they weren't healthy relationships, so they really couldn't give me good answers. They just didn't know. They didn't have the self-awareness. And it was so painful. I kept trying to get the answers.

00;11;45;14 - 00;11;58;25
Lindsay
I just wouldn't get it. And I eventually figured out, you know what? I really don't need this person. It was they're doing the work that I did find peace and closure, but not through my ex. So yeah, I speak from experience trying trying to figure it out the hard way.

00;11;58;27 - 00;12;26;10
Mike
Right? I don't care. Yeah. So in one of your Instagram posts, it says The truth about missing an ex. The pain actually means you're moving on and that it reads when you feel this loneliness of a longing for your ex, that's you actually moving on. So for anyone again, going through a painful breakup and they're feeling the effects right now, can you explain sort of how this is actually not about and when you're feeling that way and how this means you're actually moving on and moving forward?

00;12;26;13 - 00;12;49;24
Lindsay
Yeah, I love talking about this topic because we can be so hard on ourselves for still not being over an ex or still feeling pain about a breakup. And really my my philosophy here is no, actually the pain is exactly what you need to move on because when we think about a relationship, we connect emotionally. So we feel a lot of good feelings, but we also feel a lot of challenging feelings of am.

00;12;49;24 - 00;13;12;09
Lindsay
I feel anxious sometimes you might feel a lot of pain, especially if it wasn't a healthy relationship. So we are we are bonding through emotion. And if you want to disconnect emotionally from an ex and move on and become emotionally available, you have to do that through emotion, which means you have to feel the emotions that are that are connected to that relationship.

00;13;12;11 - 00;13;44;04
Lindsay
So that's what we call the grieving process. You have to feel the pain of letting this person go. And there might be a lot of other emotions in there too. Could be some hatreds of anger or resentment, you know, whatever it is. But allowing yourself to feel those emotions actually disconnects you from your ex so that you can move on from them and so that you can be open in the future to a great partner right now, like we probably all can relate to being in a place where we didn't let ourselves really grieve somebody and we weren't.

00;13;44;04 - 00;13;56;15
Lindsay
We didn't get over them. It took a while to get over them. Or maybe we know somebody that didn't do that process and we tried to be in a relationship with them and they weren't available. So the pain actually means that you're you're letting go of them and moving on.

00;13;56;15 - 00;14;03;26
Mike
So you're kind of just delaying the grief process if you're just not sort of allowing yourself to feel those feelings for sure.

00;14;03;26 - 00;14;05;00
Lindsay
Exactly.

00;14;05;02 - 00;14;24;23
Mike
Me being more of an avoidant type, I think that's like a delayed reaction or I'll push it away. No, no feelings. You just, like, push it down, right? I really won't be able to move on if I'm not really setting those going through anger. Like you said, whatever it is you're feeling at the moment, you really need to feel that through it.

00;14;24;26 - 00;14;25;26
Mike
Yeah, that's right.

00;14;25;28 - 00;14;35;20
Lindsay
Yeah. The big buzzword these days is emotional availability. And if you want to be emotionally available, then we have to feel the emotion so that we can be available to somebody new.

00;14;35;22 - 00;14;56;21
Mike
Yeah, right, exactly. How just hyper. On the topic of emotional unavailability, obviously, you know, being with someone emotionally unavailable is going to be a tough, tough time. What is something that you see that somebody is emotion available where you're like, hey, this probably might not be the best situation for me.

00;14;56;23 - 00;15;26;22
Lindsay
I typically define emotional unavailability as a resistance to or a great difficulty with expressing emotions, communicating, sharing emotions. So if you're with somebody who's like like if they say to you, I'm really not feeling person, okay, that's that's an indicator that this person might be unavailable. But yeah, someone just generally doesn't want to talk about things. If you're the only person in the relationship that's having deep conversation, right?

00;15;26;23 - 00;15;48;22
Lindsay
Yeah, that's probably a sign that someone isn't available. It's just general awareness. Another way we could say it is emotional intelligence, someone who's comfortable with emotions, who can express themselves, communicate. We would say they are emotionally available. That's that's really the difference. There's just someone who has a challenge with emotions. And I say this as someone who used to be very emotionally unavailable.

00;15;48;25 - 00;15;49;16
Mike
Right?

00;15;49;19 - 00;15;52;17
Lindsay
I've gone through the spectrum. So yeah.

00;15;52;19 - 00;15;55;25
Mike
You're not just hating on emotionally unavailable people.

00;15;55;27 - 00;16;13;24
Lindsay
Still been there. So. Yeah, but yeah, but the deal is you can move through it, you can become more emotionally available. It's a journey of discomfort. It's, it's not pleasant because there's a reason that you're not sharing the emotions, that you're not getting in touch with them. It's uncomfortable. So but it can be done. It absolutely can be done.

00;16;13;26 - 00;16;32;02
Mike
I love that you said it's uncomfortable and unpleasant. There is a little bit of vulnerability required to heal this, but on the other side of it, it's such growth and such a silver lining that you know, anything really that you want badly in life takes a little bit of going out of your comfort zone. And this is something like that as well.

00;16;32;05 - 00;16;45;25
Mike
But again, look at look at what's on the other side of it, how much intimacy, how much better relationships you can have, and then best yet with yourself for your whole life if you're not fully available to yourself. That's just the biggest gift of all. Right?

00;16;45;25 - 00;17;02;01
Lindsay
So it's so worth it. It's absolutely worth it because that's where all the good stuff is. Yes. You're you're resisting the uncomfortable emotions, but you're also resisting love and joy and happiness. So, yeah, I'm 100% for diving in, becoming vulnerable and opening up emotionally.

00;17;02;02 - 00;17;24;02
Mike
Yeah. Yeah. On that call, you got singles from that? Okay. Okay. I was going to move on to dating in a moment, but I want to ask one last kind of breakup or one last breakup point, just because I know, again, how many people are going through breakups and just feeling absolutely awful and like they don't know if they can go on.

00;17;24;05 - 00;17;33;25
Mike
So for anyone experiencing a breakup right now, you already gave us a lot and shared a lot with us. But what words of hope and inspiration would you give for that?

00;17;33;27 - 00;17;56;12
Lindsay
I would say two things here. No emotion will last forever. That's one of the things like when you're going through a breakup and there's so much pain, it's it feels like it's going to last forever. Feels like you're never going to get out of it. And therefore we can kind of resist sometimes just fully feeling our feelings because it feels like, oh, no, if I really let this be there, I'm going to get stuck in it forever.

00;17;56;15 - 00;18;11;18
Lindsay
But you won't. I promise you, it will not last forever. And what actually happens is the more you can allow that emotion to be there, the quicker it will move through you. Because it's an emotion. It's just energy, just wants to move through you. And so, yeah, you're in a lot of pain. Dive into it. Don't resist it.

00;18;11;18 - 00;18;33;28
Lindsay
It will flow through you. And the other thing I would say is if you're going through a breakup, you can use it as a transformation like I was sharing in my own experience. If if you choose, it's an incredibly potent time to make some massive changes in your life. Positive changes, changes for the better. Yeah, that double breakup, I went through a completely different life.

00;18;33;29 - 00;18;41;04
Lindsay
I'm now living and it's so much better than the life I was living before.

00;18;41;06 - 00;19;00;29
Thais
So I have some exciting news, which is that we are doing $1,000 off of our lifetime membership sale to the Personal Development School, which means you get access to literally everything at price for your entire rest of your life. Essentially, that entails all of our different courses you have lifetime access to. I do four life webinars a week every single week.

00;19;00;29 - 00;19;26;22
Thais
You can access them on going and you get access to all of our daily community events permanently. So literally access to everything at the PDC platform forever. And if you're looking to find a community, you're looking to connect with like minded people who are also working on their relationships, care about emotional connection and healing. We've got all those different events, and if you just want the security of that ongoing support and connection whenever you need it, that's just on demand that is there for you.

00;19;26;24 - 00;19;50;13
Thais
We have that 24/7 sort of component because you can post in our specific chat channels, connect with other community members, and we literally have so many people from across the world supporting each other, helping each other out, and most importantly, really becoming securely attached and seeing the results. So I'd love to see you on the other side and you can access it by using the link in the description box below.

00;19;50;15 - 00;20;09;17
Mike
Okay. So I want to move on to one of my favorite topics, which is dating. So let's start with on your YouTube channel. You have a video. Our topic there is a user that asks the question about who should be paid on dates. So I guess there was a female and she was asked, should the man pay? Should it be 5050?

00;20;09;24 - 00;20;16;22
Mike
Should it be the person who makes more money here? Answer it. Very interesting. And I was wondering you could summarize your perspective for our audience.

00;20;16;22 - 00;20;40;21
Lindsay
Yeah. Yeah. No, I love talking about this because, well, my answer is it it really depends. It depends on what kind of relationship dynamic you're looking for. Some people are looking for a more traditional dynamic where you're a woman and you want to be a stay at home mom. And so you would probably be looking for a man who is willing to pay more in the relationship so that you can stay home and take care of the kids.

00;20;40;21 - 00;21;00;29
Lindsay
So that's what you're looking for then? Yeah, you can go into dating with that expectation. And if you meet people who aren't into that, that really you just wouldn't be compatible. If you are looking for more of an equal relationship, then yeah, you're probably going to want to go into dating expecting more of an equal split. When it comes to dating.

00;21;00;29 - 00;21;16;09
Lindsay
Now, I do always like as a woman, when a man is on the first date, I think that's just a nice gesture. But you know, it doesn't have to be something super expensive, like the coffee drinks. It doesn't have to be crazy. But yeah, I think I saw shared in my video. I kind of have two minds about it.

00;21;16;09 - 00;21;34;27
Lindsay
It's tough because as a woman, I do have that tradition where it's like, Oh yeah, it would. It's nice to have someone pay for you. But then again, I have to remind myself that this is not the 1950s yet. Start back when women couldn't work and then it was necessary for a man to pay. This is a completely different time.

00;21;34;27 - 00;21;54;14
Lindsay
And women actually in many cases make a lot more than men. And so I do tell my clients, if you're wanting an equal partnership, do do expect to at least pay for some of the dates. But it's a really good opportunity to have the hard money conversations early on because I did this early on when I was dating my partner.

00;21;54;14 - 00;22;16;11
Lindsay
I asked him at the beginning, kind of like, Hey, what's your what's your philosophy on paying for dates? So we really had to talk about our financial values and what we see is fair, not fair. So I think that, yeah, as women, unfortunately, I do think we have to kind of let go of those old dating norms again if we want that equal type of partnership.

00;22;16;14 - 00;22;43;11
Lindsay
But right this is just all it's all stuff to be talked about. If somebody makes a lot more than splitting things 5050, it wouldn't necessarily feel very fair. And so it's really just ongoing conversations you can have with your partner about what feels fair, what works for you, what doesn't. And if you're not on the same page, then that's really good information, too, because that's probably just not compatible with how you view finances and what kind of dynamic you want in a relationship.

00;22;43;14 - 00;23;11;13
Lindsay
But I also said in that video that something that I was more looking for versus like trying to find a person who had a lot of money because I know like from a woman's perspective, that can often be a value that we hold. But I kind of was more interested in finding somebody who is very generous necessarily having to do with money, but just a generosity of spirit where they felt like they could share their time with me, their affection with me, and also finances too, because that's how I am.

00;23;11;15 - 00;23;25;04
Lindsay
I'm very generous and I was looking for someone who had that quality more so than somebody who just had a lot of money and could pay for dates because you can have a lot of money but not be very generous with it and you won't feel very good in a relationship like that.

00;23;25;11 - 00;23;28;03
Mike
I love that. So many things you said there and I said.

00;23;28;03 - 00;23;28;17
Lindsay
A lot there.

00;23;28;17 - 00;23;47;28
Mike
Yeah. No, I love how you open the dialog too with the person because everybody's probably coming from a different perspective and background. But if you have a dialog about it, you can kind of see where the person's coming from and what their values are or whatnot. And really, if it doesn't line up, then that's okay too. I like how you said about, you know, it's not all about financial wealth.

00;23;47;28 - 00;24;09;03
Mike
Like for me when I when I think about I want to be abundant, I'm not just thinking about looking at my bank account, wanting the numbers to shoot up. Abundance to me that abundance of love or friendship or family, physical activities, abundance is a whole huge category. So yeah, looking for someone who is abundant or generous. Like you said, we come in all different shapes and sizes.

00;24;09;10 - 00;24;10;15
Mike
Yeah, that's really helpful.

00;24;10;15 - 00;24;25;24
Lindsay
Thank you. Yeah, because. Because. Yeah, you can find so you can be very happy in a relationship where somebody doesn't make a ton of money, but they're just super generous with the things that they do have. You know, you don't necessarily need somebody to make a lot of money unless that's what you value. That's what you value. Cool.

00;24;25;24 - 00;24;30;05
Lindsay
No big deal. But yeah, generosity I think is just so much more important.

00;24;30;08 - 00;24;56;23
Mike
And life experiences. There's so many things you can do that are so fun and different that don't cost $1,000,000 either. So I can create a portfolio. So you have another great video on your channel for how I knew I was dating the right person after a toxic relationship. So I know a lot of people are nervous to date again and they might feel doubtful and worried, especially after a bad relationship or maybe a series about relationships.

00;24;56;25 - 00;25;03;17
Mike
So how do you really know if you're dating the right person? And what are some good, good signs that you're dating someone that's healthy?

00;25;03;19 - 00;25;21;15
Lindsay
Yeah, it's it's such a good question because it's I feel like the landscape trying to date after relationships, it's so confusing. It's just very confusing emotionally. And usually if you're at that point, yeah, you've gone through a bunch of bad relationships and you're like, ever even know if I can trust myself here. I don't know if I can trust my feelings.

00;25;21;15 - 00;25;38;13
Lindsay
So yeah, in that, in that video I went through and I shared how I knew and I just yeah, I just thought through some of the things here. One of the things was he was willing to change his behavior if there was something that made me uncomfortable. So there were in my past relationships that really was not happening.

00;25;38;13 - 00;25;55;09
Lindsay
I would bring up an issue and the person which is not willing to accommodate me. So my partner was very willing to accommodate me when something came up within the reason, of course, like he had his own boundaries, but he had a growth mindset, so he was able to make those changes. And also he was on his own healing paths.

00;25;55;09 - 00;26;11;03
Lindsay
It wasn't like me coming in trying to be like, Hey, you should you should heal all this stuff because he was doing that already. And so that was a that was a big plus for me. The other thing was he was clear that his goal was marriage. I had been married before and I was pretty pretty clear that I wanted to get married again someday.

00;26;11;03 - 00;26;23;02
Lindsay
And so we made sure we were on the same page about that and not just saying that, but taking steps to consistently move in that direction. So he was escalating the intimacy just as I was. So we really matched on that.

00;26;23;05 - 00;26;32;23
Mike
Just to interject the words and matching the action. So it wasn't just, Oh yeah, yeah, I want to get married. Sure. But then never like any conversations around that. Avoid or not try to go there.

00;26;32;28 - 00;26;51;06
Lindsay
Exactly. Exactly. So yeah, like he would introduce me to friends, eventually introduced me to family. You know, we we moved in together. Like the relationship was progressing. It wasn't just empty words, it was the words followed by actions. Yeah, exactly. Another thing was we were able to resolve conflicts, and that was not happening in my past relationships, early conflicts.

00;26;51;06 - 00;27;12;01
Lindsay
But they really would just feel painful, like they wouldn't get resolved in my relationship now we're always able to talk through them. And that was a really big sticky point for me because I actually thought that healthy relationships didn't have any conflict. I learned that that is not the case. There will there will be conflict. It's just what makes the relationship healthy versus not is how you resolve it.

00;27;12;09 - 00;27;32;29
Lindsay
So if you can talk through things and come to an agreement, come to a compromise, come to a resolution, that's a healthy relationship. Lots of green flags there. I felt safe in the relationship, which was a new feeling for me. It was kind of strange because I thought that I felt safe in my prior relationships, but really I was actually just feeling attached to that person.

00;27;33;01 - 00;27;54;21
Lindsay
Even now, I feel this sense of safety. This person isn't going anywhere. I can really feel my nervous system relax and calm down with them. And yeah, that was that was a new feeling that I didn't have before. And I also talked about with my partner and I, the reason I know I'm dating the right person is because I genuinely like and enjoy the time that we have together.

00;27;54;24 - 00;28;13;24
Lindsay
Because I talk to a lot of clients who go from bad relationships, then they move into kind of like the complete opposite where they found a nice person that they feel safe with. But there's really not a lot of compatibility, there's not a lot of chemistry. So it's really important for me to make sure that I did really like the time that I spent with this person.

00;28;13;24 - 00;28;35;00
Lindsay
We do have chemistry and yeah, I just have so much fun with him. And the last thing was I had this intuition that really the whole time that I was dating my partner, that things were actually going to be really, really good with this person and that was new for me too. I didn't have that intuition in my past relationships.

00;28;35;00 - 00;28;53;27
Lindsay
I just was going by feelings and attraction. But I had this sense that this was a good person for me, not a sense of, Oh, this is the one right away. It wasn't like that. He was just this very quiet whisper that said, Keep going here, because I wasn't sure in the beginning. I, like I said, it was confusing.

00;28;53;27 - 00;29;11;15
Lindsay
I was trying to recalibrate my my guidance system, basically. And I had a lot of doubt. But that that intuition kept me going. And yeah, it was it was correct. This this is a a good relationship for me. So I just about it because that was a a new thing that I hadn't experienced before.

00;29;11;18 - 00;29;30;23
Mike
I've heard a lot of people say that when they've healed, sort of done a lot of interview work and whatnot, and I guess regulating their nervous system sometimes when they're insecure, they meet someone who's secure, It feels kind of boring and there's not this chemistry. Would you feel that way? Did you feel like you did work on yourself?

00;29;30;23 - 00;29;37;21
Mike
And now here is six year relationship and you're like, Hey, where where's the fireworks there? Where is this wild chemistry?

00;29;37;25 - 00;30;00;11
Lindsay
Yeah, that was pretty much it. Yeah, I was still when I when I met my now partner, I was still in the process of healing. I mean, I'm still healing now, but we are in a much different place. Yeah, I did go through that and I. Yeah, I was used to feeling this really intense, what I call like a toxic chemistry where it's very fiery, it's very passionate, but it's also mixed with a lot of pain and a lot of anxiety.

00;30;00;11 - 00;30;19;18
Lindsay
And I was used to that. That was, that was my literal definition of love. And so subconsciously, I'm going around looking for that. That chemistry. And it wasn't here in this relationship. Now, we had some chemistry, but it's more what I call healthy chemistry. But it was missing that thing that I had always known or at least thought was love.

00;30;19;18 - 00;30;36;01
Lindsay
And so, yeah, it took me a time to really detach from that toxic chemistry experience, really be happy and content with the healthy chemistry that I have now. It's worth it. Like I'm so happy now. But yeah, there was I call it a transition. It was definitely a transition period.

00;30;36;05 - 00;30;52;15
Mike
Because of the extreme highs. I feel so amazing, but obviously just like the pendulum swings that way, it's going to swing back the other way and it's going to be, you know, equally as high. So you want a more, more sustained, not so emotional roller coaster type chemistry.

00;30;52;21 - 00;31;02;10
Lindsay
And a healthy relationship forces you to just deal with yourself because there's not all that drama. You're just left with your own stuff. So it can be a bit uncomfortable in the beginning.

00;31;02;15 - 00;31;19;11
Mike
That's right. That's right. And yeah, I'm one of your posts. You said you'll never find the same level of chemistry you had with your toxic ex. A lot of people almost more. Not for a bit, but like you said, you know, it's it's actually for the better. And you don't want to have that same sort of level of chemistry with someone.

00;31;19;11 - 00;31;41;24
Mike
It's not a good indicator. Okay. So you have a video entitled Why is it so hard to find a partner in 2023? So I would love it if you could share with anybody less the single dating pool and you can totally resonate with that. There's no good people out there in 2023. What are what do you think the reason is for this?

00;31;41;24 - 00;31;50;19
Mike
Why do a lot of people have this mentality, or is this a limiting belief that people are saying and it's kind of keeping them from seeing there is actually good people out there?

00;31;50;21 - 00;32;10;14
Lindsay
I love how you ask, is it a limiting belief? Because. Yes, Yes. And that's what I like. That's what I specialize in releasing. So, yes, it is a limiting belief. And there is also something unique that's happening that I see in 2023 that is making it a bit challenging at times to find somebody. And that's really the effects of the pandemic.

00;32;10;15 - 00;32;38;20
Lindsay
The pandemic was was quite difficult for many, many people. And, you know, as someone who specializes in the subconscious, what I see, what basically when we're hurt, when we're wounded, when there's any sort of trauma, we tend to close up and push away love and intimacy. So I see a lot of that happening. I think we're just starting to realize how much the pandemic really impacted us, especially socially relationship wise.

00;32;38;20 - 00;33;06;04
Lindsay
I think it yeah, a lot of us had a hard time. And so what I'm seeing just collectively is a lot of resistance to intimacy. So I do think that it is it is somewhat challenging in 2023. But what I also see that's really hopeful is a lot of people willing to do this, this type of work. They're willing to go to therapy, join, join a program, you know, work with a coach, work with someone like me to open themselves up to heal so that they can find real healthy love.

00;33;06;11 - 00;33;26;20
Lindsay
So, yeah, I think if you're out there and being like, what is going on? Why is it so hard? Yeah, there is something real that's happening out there and you can get stuck in that limiting belief of there's no one out there that can become kind of like a self-fulfilling prophecy. The reason I do the work that I do is to release things like that so that you can see that, yeah, no, there are there are healthy partners out there.

00;33;26;20 - 00;33;31;24
Lindsay
I work with them all the time. They're out there doing the work and you can find them too.

00;33;31;26 - 00;33;53;17
Mike
That's right. That's helpful. And that's the other thing I got out of it all. I have a really good friend who she is the most social person I know. She would be on stage at stadium shows and performing and all this stuff, and she's now a little bit socially anxious and affected by it. So definitely there was some trauma there that's now being worked through.

00;33;53;20 - 00;34;17;06
Mike
But as you said, when something bad happens and go to the other side where there's a period where you can grow so much from it, so I think we're all collectively sort of growing and I think we're coming out for the better. But it is still sort of slowly getting back to where we were and hopefully we're going to come back to an even better and more connected and realizing what's really important, things like that.

00;34;17;13 - 00;34;18;28
Mike
Yeah, those are that too.

00;34;19;00 - 00;34;27;15
Lindsay
Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's there's it know a lot of people have used it as like a giant reset and Yeah, yeah. There's, there's a lot of cool stuff happening but I think oh yeah.

00;34;27;15 - 00;34;51;00
Mike
The level of awareness and not just dating but I think a lot of different things in life. And again, like I said, kind of what's important, I think people are having a lot more perspective and putting more importance on things that are really, truly important and sort of the noise that is usually always said to us, they're pushing it away and they're going, No, I want to do what makes me happy now.

00;34;51;05 - 00;35;11;02
Mike
So yeah, that's awakening. Yeah, for sure. Okay. And just our app of dating is such a big topic and I can talk it all day, but for people who are dating right now, what are some of the things you coach people on when dating or what are some important things maybe people can spot? Consider or be aware of as we get back into dating?

00;35;11;06 - 00;35;11;24
Mike
Yeah.

00;35;11;24 - 00;35;38;10
Lindsay
And as as someone who specializes in helping people go from bad relationships to real love. If there was just one thing I could tell them, I would say, When you're dating, focus on how you feel in the presence of this person. Because how a lot of us used to date is mainly just looking for attraction chemistry and are they checking off my boxes or like whatever it was, it like just just arbitrary things like, do we have the same interests?

00;35;38;12 - 00;35;54;27
Lindsay
But if you want healthy love, you have to really pay close attention to how this person is making you feel. So when you're in the presence of them or like you've just come off a date, they just check in with yourself and say, okay, do I feel like the best version of myself with this person? Do I feel attractive?

00;35;54;27 - 00;36;18;27
Lindsay
Do I feel desired? Do I feel like I was heard? Like I had a really good connection in a good time with this person? Or did I walk away feeling anxious, kind of insecure not really sure how this person feels about me, are they bring out the worst in me, Like I'm starting to obsess or like going into old patterns that will tell you so much about whether this is a good person to pursue or not.

00;36;19;00 - 00;36;39;09
Lindsay
It's so much about feelings I get. Not so much the attraction, not so much the chemistry, but just what does this person bring out in me? Because that's how you're going to feel throughout the relationship. If you feel insecure in the presence of this person in early dating, that's going to be how it is. But if you feel really good in the presence of that person, that's how you'll feel in the relationship.

00;36;39;09 - 00;36;50;19
Lindsay
That's one of the reasons why I'm so happy in my relationship now, is because this person brings out the best in me. Like I truly feel very content and like my best self in this relationship. And that's that's also new for me too.

00;36;50;21 - 00;36;59;26
Mike
That's wonderful. Whenever I hear these amazing relationship stories, I almost wish your partner was there. Okay, bring them on the spirit and we could have a chat.

00;36;59;28 - 00;37;10;29
Lindsay
But anyway, right over here. Yeah. Yes. No, I'm glad you said that, because I know I think I actually would love to do more with my partner. Maybe. Yeah, well, maybe we'll do some videos together because he's actually a therapist, and so.

00;37;11;04 - 00;37;12;06
Mike
Is that right?

00;37;12;09 - 00;37;14;13
Lindsay
Yeah. We have some really good discussions. Yeah.

00;37;14;20 - 00;37;36;21
Mike
In the future we'll do it. We'll do a podcast with you and your partner, and we'll talk about some other stuff. Yeah, sounds good. Okay. So moving on to the scientific slash energy type stuff that you do, which is very important work. As I mentioned, you are trained in emotional code and body code and it was based on Bradley Nelson, who's the author of the Emotion Code.

00;37;36;23 - 00;37;49;14
Mike
So it's my belief and correct me if I'm wrong, that you help people release suppressed emotions so they can feel better and have more joy. Can you just basically explain how does the emotion code in the body code work and what benefits do they bring?

00;37;49;18 - 00;38;13;29
Lindsay
Yeah, I love talking about these modalities, so they were literally lifesavers for me. I found these modalities years ago when I was in such a dark place going through spiritual awakening and it was literally like a miracle, like I had tried all the things to just get some relief. I mean, therapy. I was seeing shamans do anything I hadn't tried at that time with psychedelics, but everything else, Yeah, I was there and they were just huge, huge breakthroughs for me.

00;38;13;29 - 00;38;32;12
Lindsay
And so, yeah, what they do is they release suppressed emotional energies, but also other interviews that you might have going on too. You can have energetic chords between people, you can have certain subconscious resistances to things. But also and I'm training to become certified in the belief code, which is a new modality they have coming out that addresses subconscious beliefs.

00;38;32;15 - 00;38;49;17
Lindsay
So sometimes you might have one specific subconscious belief, but sometimes you can have a whole system where it's like one belief just feeds off the other and it's like this thing that's sticky that you have to release. And once you do that, you can experience a lot of shit. So yeah, I call all of those things subconscious blocks.

00;38;49;17 - 00;38;51;21
Lindsay
They're just so many things that could be going on.

00;38;51;23 - 00;38;52;11
Mike
Yeah.

00;38;52;14 - 00;38;57;21
Lindsay
It's it's pretty self-explanatory. Yeah. We find the energy, we release it and it can help us. So many different.

00;38;57;21 - 00;39;07;11
Mike
Things. That's amazing as are like intuitive type word or is that a lot of sort of talking to the person, finding out where some of their blocks may be and then working with them that way?

00;39;07;14 - 00;39;24;14
Lindsay
I do it through muscle testing. So what I would do is like if I was working on you, I would test as you, so I would be testing as a proxy and I get a yes answer from your subconscious. The muscles hold strong and I get a no answer. The muscles go weak. And I have in front of me a chart of hundreds of different possible energies or beliefs that could be going on.

00;39;24;14 - 00;39;43;21
Lindsay
Technically, a belief is an energy that you can just release, and the subconscious takes me to exactly where we need to go. And then I take my little magnet and I run it down the the governing meridian, which is the main energy line of the body a couple of times, and it instantly releases from your energetic system. And then it takes takes a little bit of time to process that of your physical body.

00;39;43;21 - 00;39;56;22
Lindsay
A couple hours. Yeah, that's it. I love it because it's so fast, so quick. You don't actually have to remember anything that happened. Your subconscious remembers everything for you, so you can just sit back and relax. And I do the work of releasing for you.

00;39;56;25 - 00;40;17;15
Mike
I love that sound so powerful. I remember I was at a bookstore not too long and it had the book, The Emotion Code, and then another book and I don't know, but I chose the other book and it was such a good it was not a good book at all. So meeting you and talking about this, I have to go back and get the emotion in something very valuable.

00;40;17;17 - 00;40;24;07
Lindsay
Oh, yeah, Yeah, I highly recommend it. I have a lot of clients who love it so much they go on to become practitioners themselves. It's that life changing.

00;40;24;07 - 00;40;34;17
Mike
Yeah. Okay, so we're coming towards the end of our talk today. You shared a lot, but is there a tool or a strategy or a mindset you want to leave our audience that might help them in their everyday lives?

00;40;34;17 - 00;40;54;16
Lindsay
Yeah, I would love to. I can share something that was really helpful for me when I was going through a lot of intense emotions during my breakup because I would get into cycles of just obsessing and constantly thinking about this person and finding myself oftentimes and just these thought loops, these story loops that I had such a hard time getting out of.

00;40;54;16 - 00;41;18;23
Lindsay
And so what I learned how to do was instead of focusing on the story, the thoughts that the emotions were telling me, I brought my attention back to the body. And so if you can do that, if you can really focus on figuring out how this emotion is feeling in your body, what's what sensations are you experiencing? Don't don't label it, but just really feel into your body and say, okay, what is it feeling like?

00;41;18;23 - 00;41;39;24
Lindsay
Is there some pressure is there a burning sensation? Am I feeling some sort of tingling? And if you can do that, that actually does two things get you out of your head, get you out of the story, brings you back into your body, but then it also helps the emotion flow through faster because when we're in our head about it, it's harder for the emotion to just move on through you.

00;41;39;26 - 00;41;50;15
Lindsay
So yeah, that that was a game changer for me. So yeah, I hope that that be helpful for other people to bring it back to the body, focus on the sensations and see if you can get out of your head. It helps a lot.

00;41;50;17 - 00;41;59;21
Mike
Wow, I love that. That's helpful. And then lastly, I just want to ask, what are you offering these days programs to do one on one coaching? You want to talk about those?

00;41;59;23 - 00;42;27;23
Lindsay
Yeah. So currently, yeah, if you want to work with me, I do one sessions where it's mostly energy healing, but I also do some coaching in there too, or whatever you're going through, whatever you need some advice on. And I'm also working on a group program. I think it will probably be coming out sometime next year where I'll just basically be teaching you everything I know about how to date, to find real love, how to create a healthy relationship, and we'll probably be doing some energy balancing in that too, because I'm a newly new I'm a new, scuse me, Reiki master practitioner.

00;42;27;23 - 00;42;31;22
Lindsay
So yeah, I'll be doing a little bit of that in my group program too.

00;42;31;24 - 00;42;38;09
Mike
Nice. I love it. And if you want to follow your journey, Instagram, YouTube and you have a website as well.

00;42;38;09 - 00;42;47;14
Lindsay
Is the real About.com dot com and that's where you can find me on Instagram. The Real Alchemist. Same with YouTube and you can even email me at Lindsay at the Real Alchemist dot com.

00;42;47;16 - 00;42;53;22
Mike
Awesome. Okay, So yeah, we covered a lot. Thank you so much. Is there anything else you want to mention?

00;42;53;25 - 00;43;13;20
Lindsay
No, I would really just say to anyone who's just been in bad relationships, there is so much hope for you to find real love. There really is. Don't give up on yourself. I know it can feel like you want to, and maybe you're meant to be single. But now just again, use this. Use the breakup as an opportunity to heal and you can find the relationship that you want.

00;43;13;22 - 00;43;27;17
Mike
That's great. Thank you so much for your time. Your wisdom, and I wish you the best. And again, we'll see you in the future with you and your partner. We can talk more about relationships and whatnot, but thank you again for being here today.

00;43;27;22 - 00;43;31;27
Lindsay
Oh, you're so welcome. My pleasure. Yeah, thanks for having me. It's a real honor to be here.

00;43;31;27 - 00;43;37;27
Mike
And thanks for all the listeners and viewers. And like always, best of luck on your healing journey and we'll see you next time.