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Hello and welcome to the Personal Development School podcast. I'm your host Thais Gibson, and I create regular podcast episodes to teach you about your relationships, attachment style and the subconscious mind. My goal of this podcast is to give you tools and awareness you need to thrive in your relationships, feel deeply connected, and find harmony and fulfillment in your relationships and personal life.

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So I hope you tune in here with me each and every week.

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I'm going to talk to you a little bit about different ways to appreciate your partner or spouses in a relationship.

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this is a topic that actually comes up a lot. And I think a big part of this is because when we learn to appreciate somebody that we're in partnership with, friendship with whatever it might be, just people in general in our lives, the relationship almost always has the needle move.

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Things get better. Things improve magically all of a sudden, and people feel appreciated. They usually want to show up more. They bring more value to the relationship overall because they feel good in it and there's really like endless benefits to practicing appreciation. Also, we sort of like remove this, this lack of mindset and we can reprogram and recondition ourselves to start seeing things through more of a glass half full.

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Now, this isn't me saying like, appreciate people that aren't treating you well or anything like that. If somebody is not treating you well, hopefully you do enough reprograming work to have enough self-esteem to leave situations that are not serving you. But I'm talking about things where you just want to make improvements in the relationship. You just want things to continuously expand and thrive, etc..

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So there's two major features that are proper, properly, like getting specific in terms of what will be best received by our loved ones. And I want you to think of it like this. If you're in a situation where somebody is communicating to you their appreciation, but it's in a way that you don't understand it, then it doesn't have that much value.

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And so it's one thing to say, Oh, we should express appreciation. It's another thing to say we should learn how our partner or spouse or even a friend or family member, how they best receive appreciation. And we should give her appreciation in that form.

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so there's two main features. Number one is somebody's love language. So you're not already familiar.

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This is based on Dr. Gary Chapman's work, and he has a five major level, which is their quality time

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physical touch, words of affirmation, acts of service and gifts. And these are ways that people both give and receive love. Now, what I've seen historically in my client base practice for years is that sometimes people would say, Oh, we have to appreciate each other more in the relationship, or we have to make each other feel more loved and supported.

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But if we are getting in a way that somebody is not receiving, their subconscious mind isn't programed to receive as much. Oftentimes it goes right off some of his head. So, for example, I'd have like a couple come in to my office and they say, okay, we're going to support each other more. And let's say the husband would say to the wife, I'm going to

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show you I love you this week or show my appreciation and maybe all week he like, brings her breakfast in bed or brings her coffee or, you know, does the chores around the house.

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He may be giving in his love language of acts of service, but she may not receive that in her love language because maybe her love language is physical touch. And so she's like, well, you weren't cuddling and affectionate and so you didn't make me feel loved. And sometimes people come in the next week and be like, my husband didn't do anything.

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And he'd be like, Are you kidding me? I did it. And you see this like, discrepancy because they both give and receive love in different languages. So quality times, pretty clear. Physical touch, pretty clear. Words of affirmation is like encouragement, compliments, etc.. Acts of service are some of the things we mentioned a moment ago and then gifts. So everything's hopefully pretty self explanatory there.

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So the more you're giving in your partner or spouse's love language, the better, right? That's how you're showing appreciation. And you can say, Hey, I really appreciate you. And so I exercise that you know, I want to do this act of service. But you wouldn't say do this act of service. You say whatever the act of service is.

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Okay. So hopefully that makes sense. So I want to give you this gift. I want you to create a date night for us to have quality time together. So I'm saying these based on the different lovely, which is

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I just want to pop in here and let you know We are doing a seven day free trial to the answers. Membership pass a PDS, which means you get access to literally everything inside of the school. And this includes the four live webinars I do with our students every single week. And on top of that, you get access to all of our different courses.

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number two, is try to notice our top 2 to 3 needs. We all have these subconscious drivers that are personality needs and these really fundamentally drive a person's behavior.

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And when we can understand what somebody else is, is that we love, that we care about and we can speak to those things, it's very empowering for a relationship. Just like when somebody does that for us, we feel really see and heard, understood, like somebody is really giving to the things that we care about. So let's just say, for example,

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you take somebody who their personality needs are centered around career growth, financial growth, security achievement, and let's say they don't really have a lot of really important personality needs driving like social or emotional connection.

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And then you try to give them or show them appreciation by saying, Hey, I booked a night out with all of all my friends and we're going to have a social event. That person might be like, Oh, I really want to do that. Like you're forcing me to do something I don't like versus like if you if you do something that's supporting that person in their achievement or their growth or whatever it might be that their drivers are all about, hey, let's put a budget together for more financial security, because I appreciate you and I know that that will mean something to you.

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Like the more you can speak to what that person's personal needs are now, it's best received in that lands with the person. And so it's a really important thing to be able to recognize and understand. Now, ways of finding out what a loved one's personality needs are. By the way, I put an in-depth course on this super, super specific that will help you learn about needs or to communicate, learn to give and people's needs.

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Learn to receive, learn your own needs, or to express your needs. All the things it's called Discover embracing. Fulfill your

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Personality needs.

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So

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what we can do is we can learn at a high level. We can sort of identify what people need by things that they focus on, things they talk about a lot and spend their money on.

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there's eight major identifiers that talk about other needs course a little way more in-depth, but you can sort of check that out there.

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So let's talk about how we can even overlap these. So let's say, for example,

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somebody has a really important, really high personality need on personal growth, and their love language is gifts. So maybe you take them to a seminar or you buy them a book as a gift, right? And you say, Hey, I really appreciate you everything that you're doing.

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I wanted to give you this gift with this book that I know you love right? Let's say somebody instead has a really strong personality around

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social connection, and maybe they're lovely, which is acts of service. So what you could do in that case is you could plan a night out with all of their friends, plan an evening and get together.

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Right. Or have everybody over and set everything up. And again, it's like their needs and their leveling, which combined which is very potent. And then let's say it's work and let's say

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like career growth is huge for them and maybe they are they're loving, which is

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words of affirmation. In that case, you would be like, Hey, I see how hard you're working.

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I see how much work means to you. I'm really proud of you. I can only do things that are authentic and that you want to do. But if you're looking to create more appreciation and also receive more appreciation, and that is it, we really get a lot more when we start giving it first. So these are some really powerful ways so that when we're trying to give appreciation, it actually lands and it doesn't feel un received.

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And what I would just say is like, take some of this information and just set the intention to do it one small thing a day or one sort of medium thing a week and just have some kind of habit that's intentional that you can apply to your relationships on a regular basis. You can really see a lot of positive momentum building and hopefully this makes a lot of sense.