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At the time I thought that there was like this paradox of personal development where on one hand you know, that you got to accept yourself as you are and love yourself as you are. But on the other hand, you also need to recognize that you have all these patterns that they're really on your phone. It's just your environment where you grew up and then you need to work hard to and invest time and effort to to overcome them. often times I would feel like I don't know which way to go.

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Hello and welcome to the Personal Development School Podcast. I am so excited you are here. I am your co-host, Titus Gibson, along with our new special host, Mike Vizio. This is a podcast that discusses everything related to integrated attachment theory. The New attachment theory, along with the subconscious mind relationships, communication needs boundaries and so much more. Throughout this podcast, you'll see a series of episodes I upload with new information, educational tips, all about how to thrive in relationships and really master your emotional state in your life, along with special guests hosted by Mike Zito to discuss all of these amazing topics and longer form content.
Thank you so much for being here and I really hope you enjoy this episode.

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My guest today is a filmmaker, storyteller, writer, certified breathwork facilitator, soul coach and self-described personal development buff. He's a former personal development school collaborator up in to articulate the school's message through video and has personally invested in spreading personal development tools far and wide. His journey has taken him to try different healing modalities such as psychoanalysis, traditional therapy, psychedelics, breathwork, ecstatic dance, somatic processing, Reiki journaling, and as always, on the lookout for new ways of healing.

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Being an artist who struggled with expressing himself and felt blocked for many years is now on a quest to reconnect with his art and helping others articulate their message and express themselves as well. Personal development, school gestures and viewers. Please welcome Cuauhtémoc Velasquez. Hello. How are you doing today? Very good. Thank you so much. My thank you for having me, for sure.

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For sure. Really? It's a treat to have you here. Just to let our viewers know and we'll get into this in a bit. Clough is one of the PD's team members, a really important part of our team. So we got to work together for at least a couple of years, I'd say. Wouldn't you? Yeah, I think it was from 2019.

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No. Three years. At least three years. Okay. Yeah. Yeah, That's awesome. Okay, so we'll dig into that and a whole bunch of other things. Excited to hear more about your background and your story, and I think the viewers are in for a treat here. So just to start off, would you be able to tell us a bit about your backstory, family life growing up?

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Just let our audience know a little bit more about you. I'm originally from Mexico, and, you know, I've always been interesting in storytelling filmmaking. I was that typical dude with this camera going everywhere to family events, and I was pretty sure early on that I was going to do that for a living, just like communication and the videos, that sort of stuff.

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And then after I went to college, I started to feel like it was more of a job and it took the fun away. And I guess at the time I didn't know it, but I had so many limiting beliefs around my abilities and about creating. I didn't really know myself that well, so I never really abandoned it, but I never fully pursued that with all my my strength.

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And basically I've been moving around. I lived in Japan for about five years. I've always been interested in foreign cultures, languages. Again, there's always this theme of communication, passion that I feel that has been very present throughout my life. Maybe because I struggled a lot to communicate or express myself. So of course I had to go to Japan, right?

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Looking back, these are some of the ways in which I feel like our patterns sort of manifest in different ways. And after Japan, I moved to Canada, where I currently live. And I think that when you make such a big change, it's almost inevitable that you're going to go into a bit of a journey because you're almost like rethinking.

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What is your life about. And then you have to make new friends and you have to get a new job and you have to all these things that inevitably make you look inwards. So in Canada, I pretty much from day one, I started going to personal development and I was so lucky and so grateful that I met Ty's Gibson and Giovanni Bartolomeo, the founder of the Personal Development School, and I was actually the first employee.

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I didn't even know that. Yeah. You know, I got to see them start the school from scratch. You know, it was just amazing when you are seeing people with a vision and literally execute it. And in a matter of months, we had like the first few courses set up and and just see how students started to come in and basically everybody saw the value in it.

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And from there that was just kind of like the main, the main, I would say, trigger for me to start to look at myself as well more deeply. Because when you're editing, I was doing mostly editing the courses, right, and at the beginning especially. And so when you're like all day hearing page talk about all these things, it's impossible for you to not to question how did this applied to me?

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Right? And that's how I was editing. I was like, Oh my God, that's me. That's me. And so that really pushed me forward. And, you know, the kind of friendships I made here, the kind of contacts I basically just got into ecstatic dancing and breathwork and all these other things that eventually contributed to my journey. And so I just continue with it.

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And it's been five years since I moved to Canada and I still learning. I think, you know, personal development never stops. So that's pretty much it. You're caught up now. Yeah. No, I love I love that story. And that's a great background. So, okay, so take me through your sort of personal development school experience working there. You know, you said when you were working on the courses, some of the material spoke to you, and I could definitely attest to that myself as well.

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Sometimes when I'm watching some of the videos to that courses or for Instagram stories or whatnot, and some of them just like jump off the screen at me and like, Oh my gosh, she's talking to me. So I'm pretty sure, like all the employees there have that same sort of realization, which is amazing because you you get to learn on the job, right?

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So what I want to know for me is sort of what impact did the last three years have when you working for personal development school? If you could share any stories or highlights of of your time there? Yeah, well, I think that obviously most of the courses or at least when I was there, they had to do with relationships, attachment style.

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So I would say that right off the bat that was like the first thing that I realized. It's like, Oh, there is this thing called Batsmen's style, so I'm not stuck with my pattern set and I can learn there are strategies, there are tools and in a way, I'm not saying it's easy, obviously it's not easy, but it is actionable.

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There is a roadmap and that gave me like a lot of maybe confidence to know that I could, if I keep working on myself, I could eventually have better relationships. So one thing that really struck me from the beginning was the power of vulnerability. I really struggle to just share about my life. And basically I make it make it a point to really share a little bit more vulnerable and a little bit more truthfully.

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And I remember that at some point I was even sharing stuff with a person on the phone from the bank, right? There was some fraudulent charge. And I just I have a fear of these. And like, at some point I realized that, okay, maybe not everybody needs to know about those things, but I guess that's one of the times where I feel so comfortable now talking about pretty much anything.

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Yeah, and it's a complete opposite than when I first started working for Priya, so I don't think I could just give you a one because there's so much, right? There's so many things. My relationships have improved. My self awareness has improved a lot in my vulnerability, my belief in myself. I mean, it's just endless. But, but yeah, that's just one of the things that for sure, for sure I'll mention one that I think I know impacted me and I think you got a lot of benefit from it too.

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But it was from Kate's meetings that she would run. I think they were every Thursday where we'd have our little team meeting with the four of us and shout out to Kate. But she would come with these questions, questions elicited to, you know, look into yourself a little more and introspect and to really, you know, questions that you're not usually asked on a regular basis.

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So these questions that we would answer every Thursday were so like they were powerful because again, there's stuff you're not always conscious about, but when asked about it, you get to share and you get to open up and they are a little bit vulnerable, right? So I think maybe early on in these meetings we probably felt a little a little shy and a little bit like, Oh, okay, this is a little different or out of our comfort zone, but I don't know about you.

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But that was usually the highlight of the week as far as as work life went, you definitely felt good after sharing and hearing other people's shares and it just filled you up and made you feel like, you know, part of a team. And we definitely felt closer. I felt closer to you for being able to do that. So I just want to know if you felt the same way during those those Thursday meetings.

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Yeah, 100%. You know, I think that the blessing of working for PDS was that you get to learn all these things, but also the people that you were working with, they're also learning. They're also in their journey. I mean, how could they not, right? Like breathing and thinking, personal development all day long. And I've never had that experience, by the way, too, to be this close with coworkers where you feel like, oh, I actually know this person.

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It's not just somebody that I have to deal with for the sake of my job, but actually become closer and become friends. And yes, you know, those Thursday meetings, it was actually a thing that you look forward to. It was not just another meeting. So I very much missed those meetings for sure. And I miss you guys. Yeah, for sure.

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For sure. I really think every company should do some form of that. And it's not to say, you know, let's spend, you know, an hour doing this. We would spend the first maybe what, 15 minutes of each meeting and I just feel it's such a big payoff to be asked those types of questions because you're with each other at work, you know, up to 40 hours a week.

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And yeah, you're you're a human, too, at the end of the day, right? So we should be able to share sort of our human side. And also, if you're not feeling good, you could share that in the meeting as well. So there was no it was such a safe space where you could share exactly what was going on for you.

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So I just encourage anybody out there, if you're like a team leader or have your own company or whatnot, I think exercises like this are just super, super important. Yeah. And improves productivity as well, Right. Like there's a lot of says, you know, people who feel seen, people who feel heard. If you feel safe enough to just share what's going on in your inner world with people that you work with, then things that have been keeping their work from going forward will come up, will come up, and you'll have the opportunity to address them, right?

00;12;19;05 - 00;12;42;23

That that will impact productivity. So definitely, definitely, Yeah. I think it's having these kind of meetings. Like you said, if somebody's listening, it's a team leader. But even even if you're not in that position, I think that you can always take that initiative and create something like this with your workplace. So yeah, definitely, definitely a highlight of my work.

00;12;42;25 - 00;13;09;02

So great, Great. Then for your own sort of personal healing journey and your own personal development and growth, was there a time in your life where a life event happened or situation? What sort of pushed you and propelled you into going really deep into your own healing journey? Well, the biggest one that I can think of is definitely the moving to Canada, you know, because like I said, I was living in Japan for five years.

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It was an amazing experience. I love the culture, I love the language. And eventually I didn't see myself there long term and I was looking for somewhere else. And, you know, Canada seemed like a very nice place. So I decided to move here. And like I said, that maybe a revisit in it. You know, often times in a very symbolic way.

00;13;31;12 - 00;13;54;07

I don't feel like life ends up giving you a very beautiful symbol for the challenges or the tasks that you need to do ahead. So in order to immigrate here, I had to prove that I had owned before, like experience and medical tests and all kinds of things, which inevitably makes you look back into your life so far.

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So I had to get my degree translated and I had to get it validated and I had to get letters from past employers to prove that I had that work experience. So it was literally like it forced me to revisit all those parts of my life to make a chicken with myself. Like, okay, this is what I've done so far.

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And when I actually, you know, in order to get here and when I got here, then it was about, okay, so my career has a little bit stagnated. So I had my residency and learn how do we lose things here and adapt to a new culture. Luckily, you know, living in Japan, it's a major lesson in adapting. So it was not that big of a culture shock.

00;14;37;24 - 00;14;57;18

If anything, I feel like Canada is closer to my original culture, which is Mexico. But but I did have reverse cultural shock, you know, which is I mean, Japan, I was used to always has permission and always has for I always had to consult things with your superiors. And there's a very hierarchical system. So here I had that a little bit.

00;14;57;18 - 00;15;27;00

So I had to adjust to being more independent and learning to trust my myself more. But basically, yeah, coming here has definitely made me revisit, Rethink that. When I came into personal development here, that's what I would say. I started my my journey. So, you know, it all came together very beautifully and yeah, I never stopped thinking about personal development, even as I left the personal development school to pursue other projects.

00;15;27;03 - 00;15;47;05

It's now part of my life. How could you not continue learning about yourself like you will never going to be finished by this? Always so much to learn. I think that as well. How could you not want to sort of continue that and continuously seek growth and understanding and bettering yourself? I guess for some people that's not it.

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They just think, you know what, this is sort of who I am and what I got. And maybe there's there's no changing. And then on the other end of the spectrum, you know, sometimes you can get a little too into personal development where it's like you're you're out of balance and, you know, you're always thinking something's wrong and I got to fix something.

00;16;02;18 - 00;16;25;09

I had to fix something. But I'm definitely with you on that one where I feel like it's a lifelong pursuit and it's worthy of taking time throughout your day or week or month to to spend time on. Because, you know, obviously, if you could look at your life before and then how it is now, you're probably so grateful and happy that you made some of those energy investments into into different things, Right?

00;16;25;12 - 00;16;46;20

No. I mean, when you mentioned about the sometimes you can't get too much into it where you're constantly thinking there's something wrong with you, that this is actually something that I struggle with a little bit. I thought that there was this paradox of personal development where on one hand, you know that you got to accept yourself as you are and love yourself as you are.

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But on the other hand, you also need to recognize that you have all these patterns, that they're really not your fault. It's just your environment where you grew up. And then you need to work hard to and invest time and effort to to overcome them. So often times I would feel like I don't know which way to go, should I accept myself or should I try to change myself?

00;17;11;01 - 00;17;40;14

And I really did so with that feeling a lot of confusion and really didn't know which way to go. And now I feel like like anything in life is just balance, right? Like, right. You know, whenever you can afford to go forward and then you can push yourself, then you should probably do it. But if you start feeling like what you need right now is just feeling safe, feeling acceptance, feeling like that, then you can give that to yourself and you can chill for a bit and understand that you're never going to finish anyway, so you might as well.

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So yeah, you then learn to live with your challenges too. So yeah, that's very well-put for sure. And yeah, there is no finish line or there's no like, okay, you've achieved perfection, you got 100% or A-plus on your, your grade in life is sort of yeah, it's one of those things that, you know, balance, like you said, balances is key.

00;18;01;18 - 00;18;19;24

That's, that's it right there. So we talked about in your intro, obviously, that you've tried many different things. You love trying all these different modalities and kind of healing things and personal development tools. So you want to touch on some of those and which ones do you find are really beneficial and maybe why people might want to try some of those.

00;18;19;27 - 00;18;52;22

Yeah, well, you know, I don't think I would necessarily say people should try this or that. I do feel comfortable saying is that people should try many different things because there's not one right approach that I think will solve all of your issues or that it's just works for everybody. So, yeah, I've tried many things. I did psychoanalysis for a couple of years when I was younger and it was definitely helpful in terms of figuring out the basics, you know, looking at the relationship with your parents, which is very, very basic.

00;18;52;29 - 00;19;14;00

But I felt that it was very wordy. It was very much based on language, and maybe because I feel like I was good at language, I kind of like it was very easy to bullshit myself in way, you know, I would be struggling with something and then I would go, Yeah, this is very hard for me, but you know, I'll be fine because obviously this is not how it is.

00;19;14;00 - 00;19;35;18

And. BOWLER So instead of processing the emotion, I would just bypass it, right? And I did that for two years with not a lot of healing. I mean, I shouldn't say that, but I did learn a lot. But it was very intellectual. So that's definitely one of the parts that it's important, right? You need to learn about how the mind works.

00;19;35;21 - 00;20;02;25

How do we create this pattern? How did they manifest themselves in our lives? But we also need to do the processing, which is just feeling the emotion. And that's why for me personally, what has worked the most has been somatic processing or anything that has to do with the body. So that includes ecstatic dancing and that includes Breathwork and that includes anything that involves your body as well as your mind.

00;20;02;27 - 00;20;24;16

Because we're not just our mind, we're also our whole body. So personally, that has worked for me a lot. So that's why there's sort of the recommend. But I do understand that everybody is different and it also depends on your beliefs, right? There's people who might be very science oriented. They they want to know the science behind everything.

00;20;24;16 - 00;20;58;10

That's very important for me as well. But I should say I'm also comfortable with more alternative ways of healing, you know, like Reiki, energy work, psychedelics, which by the way, there's a lot of ever growing scientific evidence that it can be used for healing. But, you know, it's still not completely fully accepted. And yeah, so that's why my, my, my, the only thing I feel like I should share is it's is good to try as many different things and find out what works with you, what resonates and whatever that is, use it, share it, and keep keep searching.

00;20;58;10 - 00;21;22;26

Also, because I feel like I mentioned earlier, I'm very interested in different cultures. I do think that every tradition, every cultural philosophy is from all over the world. They have something interesting to say and some wisdom in them. So you don't necessarily need to adopt them, but you could still benefit from learning from them and I just think it gives you a better picture of healing.

00;21;22;26 - 00;21;56;14

And one thing that was very interesting is I learned a bunch of things through the personal development school, and it's all based on psychology, science, you could say like Western medicine, I guess not because it's not medicine, but Western psychology. But then I also took this course called Soul Coaching, which, you know, the kind of language that they use is more about your spirit and your soul and they took a lot of very, very interesting language that I was not familiar with.

00;21;56;16 - 00;22;21;20

And a lot of the times I wasn't sure what to make of it. But what I thought it was really interesting is that eventually the result and the feeling was kind of the same that I used to get away with somatic processing, the exercise that Tyce has on the courses or or even through Breathwork. Right. I'm very interested in spirituality and exploring different spiritual traditions.

00;22;21;20 - 00;22;45;05

So I once went to a Sufi gathering here in Toronto and the kind of chanting that they were doing it was having this same tingling effect that I would get to Breathwork and the same happened at the Harikrishna Temple. I guess it just makes me really excited to know that there are commonalities between different traditions and ways of thinking and healing modalities.

00;22;45;07 - 00;23;05;18

So I think that I am a pusher for like having an open mind and trying things that are out of your comfort zone because they'll be something for you there for sure, even if it's the awareness that it's not for you, but it's still something. So it's worth trying a lot of stuff. It's it's good to know. I love that I'm the exact same way.

00;23;05;18 - 00;23;26;20

And I've loved living in Mexico for the last two years because I got to try like ten mescal ceremonies, which is like an indigenous kind of sweat lodge ceremony. People might know more with that term, but the scale ceremony has been amazing, ecstatic dance. I had never done that until I moved to Mexico. And you'd mentioned you've done that many times.

00;23;26;23 - 00;23;52;26

And yeah, first of all, learning different cultures and sort of personal development or ways that they do things is so interesting. And I just feel so blessed that I got to expose myself to that and be in that environment. And as far as exotic dance, I just want to touch on how for someone who is all up in their head and sort of logically trying to understand everything, yes, you can definitely learn a lot.

00;23;52;26 - 00;24;19;08

And with with science and psychology and trying to really rationalize and make everything logically make sense in your head. But as you mentioned, doing body work and even ecstatic dance, the movement is sort of what's moving the energy through you. We're thinking that everything's in our mind and maybe it needs to be just solved mentally. But when you're doing things like ecstatic dance, you're moving energy, you're moving stuck things out of your body.

00;24;19;08 - 00;24;39;16

And after you feel this, I don't know, a lot lighter and just kind of like clear and ready to go about your, you know, the rest of the day. And I don't know about you, but I feel more connected to the people that are around you that you're doing ecstatic dance with. For anyone who doesn't know exotic dances where you go, they have a deejay who leads you kind of on a on a journey.

00;24;39;21 - 00;25;02;06

And it's very much there's no alcohol, there's no cell phones allowed. There's actually no talking aloud. You're not supposed to you know, it's not like a social gathering. You can look at people and smile and dance with them and sort of enjoy the music together, but very much so. It's sort of like an inner journey. And again, with this movement of energy, it's such a beautiful thing.

00;25;02;06 - 00;25;28;24

It's very freeing. And for somebody who's a little more repressed, you do feel a lot more open after. And I think one of the reasons why, too, is we can be kind of locked in a lot of the same thought patterns. But if we're moving our body in different ways instead of the normal ways that we're moving our body, I think that opens up a lot of different things in our mind that we wouldn't normally get if we're just sitting all day or walking here and there.

00;25;28;26 - 00;25;55;19

So I know for myself, ecstatic dance was was amazing and I can't wait to do it again. Yeah, Yeah. And the thing is that when people are coming together to dance for healing purposes or to express yourself and it allows others to, to do the same, like there's no judgment. There's no I mean, there is shyness if you are a little bit shy, but you can easily comment by being in that safe space.

00;25;55;19 - 00;26;14;19

And yeah, and I actually said, you know, the thing is that a lot of these events, they they tend to use kind of like a very interesting language that might not resonate with everybody when they talk about the energy or when they talk about your soul and all those kind of stuff that might put some people off. And that's totally okay.

00;26;14;22 - 00;26;38;00

But that doesn't mean that you can still benefit from it because let's say you only believe in science, which is completely fine. Then there is there is a lot of evidence for somatic processing, processing and in mind. And I think that this is what most closely resembles ecstatic dance when you're just processing an emotion through your body, like you're actually feeling it.

00;26;38;02 - 00;27;03;23

And I actually did have a very powerful experience recently. I see a therapist and it's kind of like traditional therapy, and I was just talking about some stuff that I've been dealing with lately, and eventually I hit that point where, you know, that something triggers you and you start to feel it in your body. And for me, it was kind of in the sinuses, activation of the sinuses.

00;27;03;23 - 00;27;29;08

So I have many theories about what that's connected to and what that's about, you know, the feel of survival, because I didn't get enough attachment as a kid. That's kind of like my intellectual theory, and it is helpful. But eventually what I felt like actually created healing was me staying present with the feeling and ride the waves, because then it would come and go.

00;27;29;08 - 00;27;51;26

It would get very intense. Sometimes it would make me cry, and sometimes you would just calm down. And I was like literally crying and smiling and crying and smiling. And my therapist was guiding me through it. And, you know, saying prompts very subtle prompts, like, think about the cost of this story that you would be carrying. But again, it was not very intellectual, it was not theorizing.

00;27;51;26 - 00;28;22;18

It was just about just feeling that grief and feeling that activation of literally was a fear of not surviving. Right. And I got to a point where after half an hour of this writing the waves, I got to a point where I had never felt so in my body, in my life ever, and where I felt like my eyes were on my chest, like this was coming from my whole body, not just up here.

00;28;22;20 - 00;28;48;20

Yeah. So that was a very, very powerful experience. And I'm convinced that that is the actual healing. Not that the intellectual part is not healing. You don't need like a prerequisite, but and actually might not even be a parenthesis because a lot of people released without even knowing what that was about yet. But you are releasing. So that's the important part in my mind.

00;28;48;23 - 00;29;11;29

Yeah. So I just wanted to share that because I really understood the power of getting into the emotion and, and that can be tough sometimes and because we try to run away from it, right? Yeah, it's painful to relive it because as you're feeling it, you're technically reliving it. You are believing that fear or reliving that or whatever it is that you're processing.

00;29;12;01 - 00;29;26;29

It's not fun, but it is very necessary. So. Well, thanks for sharing that. They gave me chills when you were explaining sort of how that how that felt. That was wonderful. I'm glad you got to experience that. And thanks for sharing.

00;29;26;29 - 00;29;44;27

So I just wanted to pop in here and let you know We are running a seven day free trial to everything at the personal Development school. This means all of the courses, literally every single one combined with the For Life weekly webinars that I host with all of our students. You can come in and you can leave your camera on.

00;29;45;00 - 00;30;06;06

You can ask questions. You can turn your camera off and just do audio or you can take your questions in the chat and we get this live interaction for any relationship or any questions whatsoever that you have. And we also daily community events that are hosted by trained facilitators, coaches, and we have them so that you can set up communication practice and you can work through communication scripts.

00;30;06;06 - 00;30;22;12

There's so many different features of PDSA and I would love for you to come in, try it out, check it out, see if it's for you. Dive into some of the courses you can download and print off the workbooks and I would love to see you on the other side.

00;30;22;12 - 00;30;32;01

So I know you touched on Breathwork and I know you're a certified BREATHWORK instructor. I think most people have heard of Breathwork or whatnot, but you want to just touch on it a little more.

00;30;32;01 - 00;31;03;10

What what is breathwork and why is it so beneficial? Yeah, well, you know, humans have been breathing from day one, and I think that there's very ancient old traditions, even within yoga, you know, all the pranayama and all these different techniques. Basically it just means connecting to your breath and use that. It's kind of like a meditation because you're using your breath as the object of meditation, which helps to bring you into your body and out of your mind.

00;31;03;12 - 00;31;26;19

And there's many ways of doing that recently has been popularized by warm clothes, the winter method, and actually the kind of breathwork that I am certified on. It's called the Elemental Rhythm Breathwork, which was founded by Giovanni Bartolomeo, who is also the founder of the school. That's why I got in touch with it. And basically it's just breathing at different patterns and different rhythms.

00;31;26;22 - 00;31;54;09

And these rhythms are designed to connect you with your body. And when you do that, that inevitably stuff that you have been carrying around repressed memories, repressed feelings, stuff that need to come out, they will come out because it's like a very focused meditation. A lot of people struggle with meditation because they cannot get their mind still and they're invaded with thoughts, which is completely normal, by the way.

00;31;54;12 - 00;32;18;12

You know, you just need to push through and constantly bring your back to the present moment. But with Breathwork, I would say it's a little bit easier because you have something to do, which is the breath, your always breathing, breathing, breathing and your mind will still go places, but you are following the promise of the facilitator and you're basically very focused on the breathing.

00;32;18;14 - 00;32;44;28

And then there's a lot of things that goes on in your body because you are altering the in your blood. You are getting in more oxygen, you are becoming a more efficient breather. There's all kinds of benefits. But basically what happens is, is that you get in touch with your with your body and you communicate and you learn about all these things that maybe you weren't consciously aware of, but they come out right.

00;32;44;28 - 00;33;15;16

So people sometimes end up laughing like crazy. They end up crying, they end up remembering something, they end up having all kinds of really well. It's almost like a psychedelic experience. It's all on your on your breath. So yeah, it's a very powerful tool and you can always ease into it. You don't need to like the super intense breathing right off the start, but I just think it's a great idea to get in touch with your brain.

00;33;15;16 - 00;33;45;15

It is just like the most basic thing that we have and available to everybody. All fitness levels. You can just focus on your breathing, practice, any kind of breathing patterns. Some of that like the box breathing, which is 4 seconds in 4 seconds for 4 seconds out, 4 seconds for you can instantly calm you and or even in the elemental rhythm we do the we do rhythms based on the elements of the earth.

00;33;45;18 - 00;34;07;09

So the earth breath is very calming and grounding the water breath, and it goes faster as it progresses. The water breath is more flowy. It's just 2 seconds in, 2 seconds out. Air breath is one second and one second out, and firebrand is pretty much as fast as you can, which for some people that can be a little bit anxiety inducing.

00;34;07;12 - 00;34;48;09

Yeah. So you get there's so many different patterns and different ways that you can approach it and different methods that again and I think experimenting and finding what works for you is best the best thing to do. But it's again, another tool, another tool that we have definitely and obviously remember this time, but I'll mention it for our viewers and listeners, Geo, the company we had a companywide call, so we had about, I don't know, 20 people on the call NGO led us in a breathwork kind of ceremony and oh my gosh, I don't think anybody a lot of people had never done it before and kind of didn't know what to expect.

00;34;48;12 - 00;35;08;15

By the end of it, half the people were just sobbing and crying and just releasing so much emotion. And it was I couldn't believe what happened. Like it was actually quite, quite shocking myself. I had to take the call in a hotel lobby and, you know, I really wanted to do it and I did it as best as I could.

00;35;08;17 - 00;35;26;06

But I knew when it came time to sharing, I was like, If I share right now, I'm just going to start bawling in this lobby and come to think of it, I should just done it like, sure, right. If you don't have room to really let that happen, just let it happen. But yeah, it was. I just remember that was so shocking.

00;35;26;06 - 00;35;44;10

I was like, Wow, this is really powerful stuff and I think everybody should try it out at least once because you could have a really big impact just doing it once. It's not something you need to do for years and years to become good at it. I'm sure you'd agree if you have a good facilitator, you're probably going to have a really good experience.

00;35;44;11 - 00;36;14;12

Yeah, So I think it depends on your level of vulnerability because I guess I was kind of spoiled, you know, working with people who are in the personal development space or the wellness industry. Every time I did it, everybody had these crazy experiences. But through the summer I got the chance to facilitate at a studio here in downtown Toronto and the people there, there were just maybe at the beginning of their journey or they were sort of it was a fitness studio.

00;36;14;14 - 00;36;40;27

So it's mostly focused around fitness. But they did have this class Breathwork class that I facilitated and people were a little bit more hesitant because they're not necessarily part of that personal development world, right? So it was like, Oh, such an interesting crowd, because then it took them a little bit more time to be open and it was not as intense as what I had experienced.

00;36;41;04 - 00;37;08;02

And and that's why I say it's important to to pace yourself. Not everybody's going to have the same reaction. And for me, it was a great learning to know that, okay, you need to also respect where people are and not everybody is going to be bawling at the end of it and having life changing revelations. But if you are already in a personal development journey, you are likely to have those because then you're more open to it.

00;37;08;05 - 00;37;33;16

And I'm sure that our is definitely primed for it. So give it a try. Yeah, definitely. Thanks for sharing. Okay, so switching the combo more into attachment theory stuff, I was just curious with you. Did you know about attachment theory before you started personal development school or was that something brand new? It was completely. Bryan You know what that meant?

00;37;33;18 - 00;37;56;13

Yeah. Yeah. Until I was editing the course, it's pretty much sure. And then editing. Okay. So then you mentioned, you know, I don't know if we mentioned before, but you were dismissive avoidant, you'd say or dismissive of what was sort of a dominant attachment style. Yeah, yeah. I would say that I was I had a very textbook dismissive of boyfriend qualities.

00;37;56;15 - 00;38;16;18

But now looking back, I'm not even sure I could have been. There was a lot of anxious as well. And I know that when you have a little bit of both, then as you're most likely fearful of quitting. So I think I was not such a typical, dismissive avoidant, but that was my dominant. Yes, right, right, right. Yeah.

00;38;16;18 - 00;38;39;07

I feel like me and you were pretty similar. Maybe you were. Yeah. And then RFA not too far behind. Maybe DACA was your dominant. So I just want to know what were some of the big challenges that you felt you were having before that were sort of rooted maybe in dismissal avoidance? Do you remember any specific things that sort of caused you aussi some problems or issues?

00;38;39;09 - 00;39;16;23

Well, definitely so. I mentioned earlier the vulnerability. It was extremely hard for me to be vulnerable and also believing that other people can meet my needs. But I would just not even try. I wouldn't even ask for what I want. A lot of it was communication, right? Like going back to the same theme. But that inability to communicate or ask for one and one that was rooted in thinking to begin with, that other people are not going to be able to meet my needs or even believing that my needs where worthy to be met.

00;39;16;25 - 00;39;42;10

Right. Which I think we're getting into the territory of. Fearful of yourself. Yeah. Yeah. Where you think that you're not worthy of love or you are. Yeah. Because you didn't get that attunement or that attachment growing up. And, you know, my needs are not going to be mad. And you become hyper independent and yeah, because we became so hyper independent at a young age, we sort of decided we got to do this all on our own.

00;39;42;11 - 00;39;57;26

No one's going to be meeting our needs. Nobody's going to be giving us anything. Is there also the flip side where you're like, Then you project that onto other people. You're thinking, I'm not here to meet your needs. You're here to do that for yourself. Why are you why are you sort of bothering me with what you need here?

00;39;57;27 - 00;40;26;00

This is kind of like a you problem, not a me problem. Did you have that at all in your most unhealed state? Yeah. Yeah. And one thing I completely didn't even realize until I heard about it being a trade was this this need of protecting your resources. Yeah. So it's not that you're selfish. It's more. You're afraid that your resources are going to be taking out by other people, especially your time.

00;40;26;03 - 00;40;47;16

Yeah. Or your energy. Your energy especially. You know, I think for me, it's a big one. It's like, yeah, if somebody demanded too much of my time or was being too honorable or too needy, then I would almost close off and push that person away because it was too much for me. So yeah, definitely that was a big thing as well.

00;40;47;18 - 00;41;10;18

And even know I should, I should say honestly, even with material resources, again, it was not. Now I understand that was not just selfishness, but it was like this fear of people are going to get my stuff and I need protect my, my time, my energy, my, my stuff. Yeah. And again, I think it comes from that feeling of like, I want to be super independent and it's just me against the world.

00;41;10;21 - 00;41;32;02

Yeah. Which is not realistic because we are social creatures and we depend on each other. So yeah, there's obviously such thing as over, you know, dependance or codependence. Sure, sure. But at the end of the day we, we do and each other so pretty sure we wouldn't have got this far as a species or whatnot if we weren't helping each other out.

00;41;32;02 - 00;41;54;09

And I think a lot of avoidance too, don't realize they do have their needs met by other areas, like they think they're doing everything on their own. But if you look at it, there's so many areas in your life where you are depending and taking from others. And that's not a bad thing because, you know, we want, I guess, healthy interdependence where you're in a flow of giving and taking it at a pretty equal level.

00;41;54;13 - 00;42;15;19

But yeah, what you mentioned before is, yeah, I was so stingy before, like I was not generous with my, my money for sure. I was a little more worried, always counting, counting pennies and making sure that like, okay, I have this much money, I can spend this much. It's like an unexpected expense came up. I'd get really stressed out and really upset about it.

00;42;15;23 - 00;42;39;26

Anything to do with money? It was. It was very touchy. And again, that's not I you know, I wasn't born like a cheapskate. It was being, you know, avoid end. You're again you think that you're responsible for yourself. These resources that you have are limited and no one else is just going to give you anything. So I have to be very careful with how I how I spend these things.

00;42;39;29 - 00;43;04;22

So that was the mindset before. But it's wonderful as you heal, you kind of see, first of all, the world sort of has an abundance of everything. Truly, there should be enough resources, food, housing, shelter for everybody there is. But we could easily get sort of tricked into thinking like, oh my gosh, I don't have enough. I'm not I don't know if I'm going to make it till the end.

00;43;04;24 - 00;43;32;05

And, you know, in healing some of the avoidant personality, I'm going to say disorder, actually there isn't a point in personality disorder, but in healing, you sort of understand that, You know, for me, anyway, I've been taking care of my whole life. I've never not had what I needed. Why would I project that in the future? Why would I predict that one day everything is just going to be taken from me and then I'm going to have like left with nothing.

00;43;32;08 - 00;43;59;13

So, you know, I understand everybody's born into different positions and whatnot, but I could just speak for myself. There's really there was no nothing in my reality pointing to I should be worried that I'm not going to have enough because I was always provided for. My family was always there for me. And, you know, I take comfort now and knowing, you know, we're there for each other and I'm going to be okay for the rest of my life.

00;43;59;15 - 00;44;26;12

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, that's definitely something that I'm thinking about it that way can really help to bring you back to reality in a sense, because these these fears, this idea of there's not enough to go around to protect my resources, these these are all really just strategies or coping mechanisms or patterns that fell through at a time where, you know, maybe you didn't get what you needed.

00;44;26;18 - 00;44;48;17

Maybe it was like a tension or in many different ways. But it just like you said, you projected onto different areas. And and I think it's important to remember what the truth is. And even if let's say we're talking about somebody who was born into poverty or where there was all these kind of situations, that doesn't mean that you can't reprogram that.

00;44;48;17 - 00;45;13;01

Obviously, it's going to be hard there because that was what you experienced. But in the end, you know, in order not to perpetrate that, then you can definitely do that work on yourself to really that you can provide for yourself, that there is enough to go around. And not just in that because sometimes it's not just about money or resources, it's also about love and attention and your needs.

00;45;13;01 - 00;45;47;07

And, you know, people who struggle with not having enough love or enough attention, then it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy, because then you continue to see the world through those letters. And unless you do this work and realize that just by being born, you're valuable and deserving of love and you recognize that as the truth, I keep saying the truth because it's a very interesting term that my my therapist use when I have like this powerful experience that I had, getting touch with the emotion.

00;45;47;13 - 00;46;09;26

And I felt very calm, very safe, because in my mind I had made the equation of not having love equals. I'm not going to survive like I saw that equation so clearly, right? I feel that I wound was exactly what I was processing right then, and that's when I was able to get in touch with it and processing out, or at least a big chunk of it out.

00;46;09;29 - 00;46;36;06

My therapist kept saying, This is actually the truth. This is actually you. You are where you are. You are okay. You're not dying, are you are going to survive. Yeah. And and I really felt that with my body, not just intellectually because I knew this, Right. We all know that. But we know it intellectually. And it's so important to have this distinction of actually knowing it with your body when you're actually feeling.

00;46;36;09 - 00;47;04;13

And then you realize, oh dear, I am worthy of love. There is enough to go around. That is the truth. And everything else is just filtered through which we see the world that is no longer serving us. And I guess the next step for me is even becoming grateful that you've had it because it help you cope at the time, despite that, it costs you so much hurt and it's a huge cost because obviously you behave accordingly.

00;47;04;15 - 00;47;28;16

I do feel that the next step is like even becoming grateful for it, but I might not be there yet. But definitely, you know, just relaxing at least that it's not the truth and really feeling. It has been incredibly helpful. And I think that that was a big step. You know, I love that. Yeah. If if your body doesn't accept it as truth, you know, you could tell yourself I'm abundant, things are great.

00;47;28;18 - 00;47;46;15

But if you're if your body's not feeling that, it just won't accept that as a reality. That's really awesome that you had that experience. Sort of. You got to feel it on the body level and that probably gave you so much more confidence and just comfort moving forward that you're taking care of. It's really wonderful. Thanks for sharing that.

00;47;46;17 - 00;48;08;02

So, okay. I just want to talk about sort of on your day to day level. Are there any non-negotiable rituals that you do every day? Is there anything you do consistently that just keeps you in a really good place? Yeah. Yeah, for sure. I would almost say that without the basics of just taking care of your physical body very hardly can you move forward.

00;48;08;02 - 00;48;44;25

I would also say that it's half the battle. I mean, again, it depends on the person. I don't want to make general statements, but for me it's like I going begin to function and just have the right mindset without just sleeping well, drinking water, eating healthy, meditating, having hygienic practices. For me, that's very basic to thrive. And in the past I, you know, I abused substances, alcohol, cannabis, and I've been sober for a month, exactly like zero.

00;48;44;26 - 00;49;09;06

Anything, even caffeine, because I didn't want to replace one thing with the other. Right. What they did to me was that first of all, I remove all of the instruments for escape. For escape. So this person has been very consequential because I was forced to sit with the emotions because you can do that in breath or you can do that in therapy.

00;49;09;08 - 00;49;44;05

But they're kind of like always there in your daily lives. Yeah, and but if you numb them away substances and stuff, then they're still kind of there. You're just not feeling them as much because you're numbing yourself. So yeah, so definitely getting rid of substances was a big thing for me and that allowed me to just have a very clear morning routine which involves, you know, just like brushing my teeth, washing my face, which by the way, the face, for example, I didn't have a face routine, like I didn't care for my skin.

00;49;44;08 - 00;50;21;01

I didn't learn about that until now. And I kind of like saw it as something extra like, oh, you know, now I have to wash my face and everything and I did it very fast because I felt like, Oh, let's get this over with. And now I've completely changed my approach and I almost take my time because I realize that that's what self-love looks like, you know, like taking care of your teeth and your face and weighing myself and and at night journaling and meditating again and doing these things.

00;50;21;04 - 00;50;47;26

They're good for your health, but they're also good for your mental health, Right? With every step that you take, with every minute that is spent caring for yourself, you are reminding yourself that you are worthy, that you you're teaching yourself to, that you matter, basically. Sure. And it's almost like that was the unexpected benefit of doing these things because I did it for my physical health.

00;50;47;26 - 00;51;08;10

But it turns out you had a huge impact on my mental health as well. So yeah, I mean, nothing, nothing too crazy. Like I said, just meditation, journaling, even taking care of your skin can be a ritual, as you're saying that I was like, Oh, man, I'm missing out on this crucial thing. I don't have a face routine.

00;51;08;11 - 00;51;28;00

I just, you know, go for the shower and flip everywhere. But I don't out of daily facial routine. So maybe after the interview you can can give you some tips on that. I wouldn't even know where to start, though. Me neither. I'm very beginner. All I know what you need to cleanse, moisturize and protect. So that's okay. Yeah.

00;51;28;00 - 00;51;49;15

So just like clean with something that's good for the face. Not like a soap. Or should that like other kinds of soap and then just moisturize and then protect. So sunscreen. Okay. I mean, there's a million different. Yeah, Yeah, definitely. But there's a thing. I don't want to make it too complicated, because then when you adopt and you have it, it's really hard.

00;51;49;17 - 00;52;11;11

If you start off with two tonics and all these different things, just like, you know, let me just build the habit first and fill it up. Right, Right. Makes sense. Makes sense. Okay, so we're towards the end of today's podcast. I just have a few more questions and thank you again for being here today. I wanted to ask, what is the next thing on the horizon for you?

00;52;11;12 - 00;52;45;12

First of all, what do you put your focus on these days? And is there anything on the horizon that you're looking to achieve? You're sitting there in the intro, definitely working on reconnecting with my art. So right now I'm a freelance filmmaker, Videography. I do those kind of things. I help clients in the wellness space and really any kind of industry articulate their message and helping them communicate, which by the way, one dear friend of mine I remember Dele when he said, I'm recording this.

00;52;45;14 - 00;53;23;16

He said, like your biggest pain can become your biggest strength. Yeah, for sure. So I struggle with communication. So now I help people articulate their message and help them express themselves. So that's my my main job. But I also want to put more energy and focus into my creativity, just making more creative projects. I've been doing that, but I want to put more energy into that and like I said, spread more personal development tools in fun, interesting ways because not everybody is as committed as the beautiful community at the personal development school, which are so committed there.

00;53;23;16 - 00;53;45;16

You know, they show up. I think they're very well on their journey where maybe general population is still not there yet. I feel. So part of my mission is how do I make these tools ever more so relatable and easy to adopt and even attractive or even trendy or, you know, can you imagine if person was about me became friendlier?

00;53;45;16 - 00;54;08;23

People did it just to be cool. Then a lot of people will be on their journeys. So yeah, that's part of kind of like my. And on a side note, I am also getting into the whole expedition, Expedition cruises and expedition trips, promos. I'm going to Newfoundland in October on a cruise ship to make promo videos about their trip.

00;54;08;26 - 00;54;38;20

And that's just mainly because I feel like being in nature is such. It's also one of those hacks where it's like, if you're a teenager, then you will be healing even if you don't do anything else, right? Yeah. So I just spent five wonderful days in Vancouver Island and that was incredibly good for my mental health. So I figure if I start to search for gigs more in the space of going to the North Pole and going to these beautiful natural spaces, that will also help my mental health a lot.

00;54;38;20 - 00;55;05;27

So that's where my career is headed. I feel a little bit, but like I said, I'm always I'll always be doing personal development work and always be in the space and just helping myself and others I like. Yeah, inspiring others for sure. Okay, so before we wrap up today, is there a tool or a strategy or something you want to leave with our audience that maybe they could use in their everyday lives?

00;55;06;00 - 00;55;29;29

Well, we've mentioned a couple of meditation or some interesting I think meditation is the one that I have with no matter who you are, no matter what you're going through, will help people like I do have that faith in it. It's also been extensively proven science. So meditation, not all meditations are for everybody, but you. Maybe find one that works.

00;55;29;29 - 00;55;52;13

And just as a bonus, I would say journaling. I never thought how big of an impact journaling would have on my life. And it took me a while to develop that habit. But now it's a major keystone habit that I think really helps you process that. They put it all on paper and then go to sleep and it'll even improve your sleep quality.

00;55;52;13 - 00;56;14;01

And it's really good for me. So journaling as well. Yeah, I agree. Thanks for sharing. And then, are there any services you're offering these days? Anything you want to let the people know about as far as offering services or teaching or whatnot? Yeah, well, like I said, I'm a biographer. I make promo videos, I make content for social media.

00;56;14;04 - 00;56;41;07

So if you have I mostly work with wellness entrepreneurs. But like I said, I'm expanding also to expedition trips and ideally something that has to do with personal development. I always love working with people that are making a difference. That's kind of what I offer. In addition to Breathwork facilitation, wine and wine and for events and soul coaching as well, which soul coaching is.

00;56;41;12 - 00;57;08;22

It's not so much therapy because you do talk a little bit, but then eventually the whole point is to get into the emotion, and that's work. So the somatic work is what I really think where hard. So I'm always open for coaching sessions and the breathwork sessions and helping your crafting your message. If you have a business or doing something in the well in the space, I'm happy to help.

00;57;08;25 - 00;57;30;16

It's amazing. Awesome. Last but not least, how can people get in touch with you so you can check out my website for my film stuff that's the way you do the MOOC, B or a Z. Q You said dot com at the mouth pull. I'll just write it. So we'll put that in the show notes for sure. Yeah.

00;57;30;18 - 00;57;57;07

Thank you. And then my Instagram is c u A you feel on Instagram? Yeah. So feel free to say hi. Yeah, perfect. Thank you so much for being here today. I know I've seen and witnessed your growth over the three years from the time I met you until, you know now, let's say, and it's it's been really fun to watch and see you sort of grow, evolve and just, you know, you're an inspirational person.

00;57;57;07 - 00;58;13;21

And I think a lot of people are going to get a lot out of this conversation. So I just want to thank you for being here today. No, thank you, Mike. It felt like those old days on the Thursday reunion where it's just like sharing and. No, thank you so much for giving me the opportunity to talk about myself.

00;58;13;21 - 00;58;24;18

That's always nice to have you share. So awesome. Thank you. Okay. Take care. Wow. Thanks everyone for tuning in. And until next time, good luck on your healing journey. Thank you.