00:00:00:00 - 00:00:04:17
What I learned is that all the stuff that happened to us in our childhood, like, none of that is our fault, right? Like our environment. I work with clients with a lot of trauma in my occupational therapy work, and it's like none of the stuff is our fault, right? That. But it is now our responsibility, how we choose to go about everything moving forward, right?

00:00:21:02 - 00:01:05:02

Hello and welcome to the Personal Development School Podcast. I am so excited you are here. I am your co-host, Thais Gibson, along with our new special host, Mike Vizio. This is a podcast that discusses everything related to integrated attachment theory. The New attachment theory, along with the subconscious mind relationships, communication needs boundaries and so much more. Throughout this podcast, you'll see a series of episodes I upload with new information, educational tips, all about how to thrive in relationships and really master your emotional state in your life, along with special guests hosted by Mike Zito to discuss all of these amazing topics and longer form content.
Thank you so much for being here and I really hope you enjoy this episode.

00:01:12:08 - 00:01:38:11

My guest today is an integrated attachment theory coach and a qualified psychosocial occupational therapist. She started as a student with Taste Gibson in the Personal Development School and is now teaching this content with her clients. She was born in New Zealand, but now her and her husband live and work remotely from Europe and Mauritius. Personal Development School listeners and viewers, please welcome Natasha Leddy.

00:01:38:17 - 00:01:59:05

Hello, Natasha, how are you? Hello. Hello Mike. Very well. How are you going? Very good. Thank you for being here today. Okay, so just to start, Natasha, if you want to let our viewers know, just kind of your background, your backstory, what life was like growing up and kind of what's brought you to where you are today. Yeah, of course.

00:01:59:05 - 00:02:23:15

No problems, Mike. So, yes, as you mentioned, my family, a Polish. I'm actually in Polska right now. I don't know if you can see in the background there is this poster written. I just flew over here like a week ago to celebrate my my grandmother's bumptious 90th birthday. So she's she's turned 90. She's living at home independently in her own home by herself.

00:02:23:15 - 00:02:52:23

So it's quite amazing. And yeah, and we are celebrating with her. She is you know, she's got she's very, very good at making like liqueur and like flavored liqueurs and flavored vodkas. And she's got like a stash at home that she just has on special occasions. But we were celebrating with her. And having said Trend Nova Vodka, which is citrus flavored vodka.

00:02:53:00 - 00:03:17:08

Yeah. And and we've had a big fete. So it's been really, really nice here. But yeah, so, so sorry. You were asking me about my back story, my background. Yeah. So basically, I grew up in New Zealand, out in Iowa, and it was such it's such a beautiful country to be in and to grow up. And I was very lucky.

00:03:17:10 - 00:03:41:11

And yeah, I grew up with my Polish family there and it was cool growing up in that country and, you know, good times as a child. But also I would say that there were challenges. We had a bit of there was a level of dysfunctionality in my family for sure. And we grew up with, you know, I had family members living with mental illness, so it was tough.

00:03:41:11 - 00:04:07:10

Like that was tough. But but other than that kind of, you know, really good kind of early childhood years. And then later on, as I kind of moved into like 14, 15 years of age, then I started to have I started to experience some challenges, you know, So I started to experience, like quite significant challenges with my own mental health, you know, because I didn't learn skills and roles and things like that.

00:04:07:10 - 00:04:28:12

Growing up. It wasn't moral to me. So and so maybe I'll paint a picture of what that looks like because it's kind of hard for me to believe now, kind of looking back at where I was back then. But so some of the challenges that I experienced. So one, I had an eating disorder. I struggle with bulimia. So there was periods of time.

00:04:28:14 - 00:04:50:20

There was quite a number of years where I felt like I couldn't control the the food intake I had. I would eat massive amounts of food, you know, and then and it felt uncontrollable. And then what I would do is I would just go to compensate for that. I'd doe an exercise for like, you know, hours, you know, after after those binges.

00:04:50:22 - 00:05:08:24

What else? I experienced a lot of anxiety. So that came up in different forms. So I had I experienced panic attacks like frequent panic attacks on the bus. I remember being on the bus with lots of people and I'd be like having a panic attack. And, you know, my heart would be racing and I'm like, feeling like I'm dying or something.

00:05:08:24 - 00:05:36:08

And I'm like, Am I going to die? You know? And having this real fear is like, consistently, like in on the bus, you know, on public transport or at school. When I was at uni, I what else? There was, you know, depression periods, a very, very low mood, social anxiety. When I ended up starting like my professional career, I ended up having like it was so difficult for me to communicate to people.

00:05:36:08 - 00:06:10:07

I couldn't look at them in the eye, I couldn't make phone calls. I couldn't kind of had, you know, small talk conversations with my work colleagues. And I felt like I would not be a stumble. My words, I couldn't speak clearly to people and and so that experience and and another experience, there was a period of time where I felt like I had different kinds of diseases or illnesses, and I would go to it all the time and I would be like I would go to the emergency department and say, can you check me for like cancer, for this or for that?

00:06:10:09 - 00:06:42:18

So so yeah, so it's I'm, I'm painting a picture. It's quite intense, but I guess I wanted to show you guys that this was my life, you know, that I had that for quite a period of time and it had a significant impact on all areas of my life, you know? Yes. And then in terms of like, I guess what brought me here to where I am today, so naturally, like 14, 15 years old, moving into like 20, 25, you know, I had I was struggling.

00:06:42:20 - 00:07:11:18

And so I decided to go on a journey of healing to try and find answers to these problems. So what did that look like? So so, you know, I went through mainstream approaches like counseling, psychology. You know, I read a lot of books. I, I read a lot of personal development books. I then saw like alternative alternative approaches of therapy.

00:07:11:20 - 00:07:54:10

So, for example, I did like the passion of meditation retreats and saw spiritual pages and mentorship and and and Chinese medicine. So I kind of delved and dabbled in like a lot of different things, and I guess it was like I got to a point where I discovered something called neuro linguistic programing in outpatient range. And what that is is that basically like learning about like the pedants like that, we are kind of operating from a set of patterns and like it's understanding like the programing in the head and the patterns that are going on on a subconscious level and then learning how can I change that?

00:07:54:12 - 00:08:18:11

And so when I kind of discovered that shortly after that, I also discovered in and and what I loved so much about what Tai's teaches, but she's got a bit of a background in that space and hypnotherapy, but she incorporates into her teachings but she also what I loved about her work is that she focuses on subconscious mind and like how to change the subconscious mind, right?

00:08:18:15 - 00:08:43:20

To get a long lasting form of change and long lasting results. So those two pieces combined and I just was working through it like quite intensively, like significantly changed my life, like it was a game changer and, and it's brought me to where I am, where I am now in the sense that now I have a coaching practice.

00:08:44:00 - 00:09:15:17

Now I am, you know, I work with clients. I studied occupational therapy. I've been working as an occupational therapist for quite some time. But like, it's it's made me go on this path where I'm like, Oh my gosh, I must teach this kind of stuff. I must teach people tools that where they can use that to help themselves, you know, like help themselves break through and and help themselves when they feel desperate or when they are really struggling that they can can experience breakthrough.

00:09:15:17 - 00:09:38:15

You know, definitely. That's it's amazing, you know, and you even touch on yourself like anyone who's probably hearing you speak right now or seeing you or knows you in the last few years, probably wouldn't believe almost what you're saying, cause I know you've been at a lot of the routines that I used to host and you were always so well spoken.

00:09:38:16 - 00:10:00:03

You're so good at supporting people, and it just seems like you really, like, get it, you know, what's going on and sort of what needs to be done. But explaining all those things that happen in your past, it's like, wow, Like you really never know what somebody has been through and the journey they've had. And, you know, it's just so amazing to see how far you've come from all those things before.

00:10:00:05 - 00:10:22:01

Having said that, I'm just curious, like with all those things that did happen, was there like one moment or one period where you're like, Enough is enough? Like I've suffered enough, I need to get help? Was there sort of one pivotal moment that you felt, you know, I need to go all in on my healing because this is just not you know, this is not living?

00:10:22:03 - 00:10:53:08

Yeah, definitely. Great question. And to be honest, like Tait talks about it, she talks about like experiencing suffering and experiencing pain and suffering from like limiting beliefs and thoughts that are just not serving us. And then from and then she was talking about pain, where that's usually comes it comes from unmet needs, right? And so for me, what I felt like is that I just experienced those two things so often and it was like I just out of desperation, I was like, I cannot accept that.

00:10:53:08 - 00:11:11:04

I'm just going to be like living like this for the rest of my life and I'm going to be doing going reverting back to these default behaviors that are really like not healthy. And I really don't like doing them. And I feel like I can't control it when it happens. And I'm like, I can't live like that. I just can't imagine that that's my reality and that's it.

00:11:11:04 - 00:11:19:00

And I have to live like this until, like the end of my life. And so I think that I think similarly, I can relate a lot to

00:11:19:00 - 00:11:39:01

Tyson's story and kind of where she got to that She had that aha moment for herself of like, surely this cannot be it. There's got to be another way. And so for me, I think it was just, yeah, getting to that point where I'm like, I just can't accept that this is it, you know, surely there's got to be something, some other tools that can really help me to break through it.

00:11:39:03 - 00:11:55:02

And it is interesting, Mike, you know, as you were just sharing, it's like it's hard. It's something, you know, when you start to do this within yourself, it is hard to remember what you were like. And I was just speaking to my husband about I was like, Oh, what should I share? You know, And, and we were talking.

00:11:55:02 - 00:12:19:19

He was like, Tell him about the struggles. And I was like, you know, trying to remember those struggles. And I was like, wow, I gosh, I remember frickin going to the aid all the time. Or I remember like, I got fired as well from a job once because I had such high levels of anxiety and I couldn't I couldn't use a summer job, you know, in a tourist kind of tourism kind of trade or something.

00:12:19:19 - 00:12:47:06

And I was doing it in between uni breaks. But and I sort of focused on like a simple task. So, I mean, bless them, they just let me go because, you know, it made sense that I couldn't kind of perform the duties that I had to at work. But I mean, it that's where I was, you know. And so I guess the point I'm trying to make is it's so amazing to know that there are things you can do to help yourself.

00:12:47:06 - 00:13:13:23

There are things that can give you relief and can that you have got control over to to change your circumstances. You know, you don't have to be this victim of your circumstances. And actually, I'll just I'll just add something else. I feel very passionate about all of this stuff, you know, So just allow me to preach here. But, you know, it's like what I learned is that all the stuff that happened to us in our childhood, like, none of that is our fault, right?

00:13:13:23 - 00:13:38:15

Like our environment. You know, I work with clients with a lot of trauma in my occupational therapy work, and it's like none of the stuff is our fault, right? That. But it is now our responsibility, how we choose to go about everything moving forward, right? So there's yeah, and that's actually where we actually can get our power back is like, okay, what can I do?

00:13:38:15 - 00:14:07:08

Like, what can I control? What can I change? Like, where am I empowered and where do I have control? And then the things that I don't have control over, it's like letting go of the things that, you know, controlling the control balls and letting go of those things that we cannot control. But it's amazing when you start to delve down that kind of, I guess, path of when you start to discover, oh my gosh, there's so much things that I can actually do to help myself that I may have never

00:14:07:08 - 00:14:08:07

known.

00:14:08:09 - 00:14:29:23

Yeah, and I love the idea of also, you know, and I'm so thankful that you're sharing vulnerably about what you went through and whatnot. You know, some people might feel a little oh, I don't know if I want to say that, but I think it's so important A for like letting people know what's possible because there might be people listening or watching right now who are going exactly through what you went through.

00:14:30:00 - 00:14:52:10

Yeah. And to hear, you know, that there are ways to get out of it, there are ways, you know, there's hope, basically. And also for you to revisit sort of what you've been through. Like, I know sometimes I don't think about the past that much. I mean, usually I could be a little more like now focused. I'd like to say, Oh, I'm super Mr. Mindful, but it's more so like worried about what's happening right now.

00:14:52:10 - 00:15:08:16

Like, you know, but sometimes you have to take time to work and be like, Holy cow, like five years ago, There's no way I would have been able to do this. Or like even when you said before, it resonated with me. Like I've had times where I've worked with coworkers and I was so depressed I couldn't look them in the eye.

00:15:08:16 - 00:15:31:00

I couldn't I'd be so nervous and I'd be like hiding in my cubicle and forget about going out for lunch with coworkers. I was like, like hiding the whole time. So you know, looking back and thinking about those things, it's like, holy cow, like, give yourself a pat on the back, because that is like a monumental step forward and like, getting out of those types of situations.

00:15:31:02 - 00:15:51:23

So I think, you know, it's good to revisit like not stay in like victim mode or like, why did this happen? But see, you know, if you are doing work on yourself and the healing work, it's good to go back once in a while and see sort of how far you've come and for yourself. It looks like you came super fast and I'm really happy, really happy to hear that.

00:15:52:00 - 00:16:18:14

And I guess what's so amazing, as well as just those people out there, such as Ty said, have dedicated their lives to making these resources available so that people can access them and use them or like, you know, pay like the master's behind that, that. Yeah. Thank God that they that they created what they did and that there is the teachings are available for people to utilize.

00:16:18:16 - 00:16:40:13

Christian so grateful that there are these resources out there. You know I think it's beautiful too. I think as humans like if we find something that just completely changes our lives and makes us feel so much better, we know how hard it is to suffer. And it's almost our duty are almost like we have this urge to want to just share it and help as many people as we can.

00:16:40:13 - 00:17:06:06

Because really, when you're in those low moments, you wouldn't wish that upon your worst enemy. Like you just know how awful it is. And then having overcome it, you know, holy cow, there's actually a way talk. I need to share this with as many people as possible. So Amazing Grace is doing this. You're doing this. And obviously, you know, countless other people and it's inspiring to see for sure.

00:17:06:08 - 00:17:34:18

Yeah. So I wanted to ask you, wa Yeah, for sure. Yeah. I actually am the fearful avoidant. If I am, I thought at the beginning that I was an AP, which is anxious, preoccupied, but it's interesting.

00:17:34:18 - 00:17:56:18

Like Taystee, that's quite common for if I that at first think that they are the AP. So I had to identify with that for a period of time. And then later looking back at it, I was like, Oh, you know, as I keep doing the work, I was like, Oh no, no, no. Differently. I feel like I identify more with the FBI in terms of like, I guess the challenging things about the detachment.

00:17:56:18 - 00:18:18:22

So I'd say I think the challenging thing for me that I was experiencing was like a I mean, there were many, but like, you know, intense emotions, like very intense of like in I think I remember times sharing that this is quite classic attachment style, but like when I would feel emotions, they were extreme, they almost like they were so extreme and so overwhelming.

00:18:18:22 - 00:18:39:22

But like when I would feel angry, I felt rage, you know, Or if I felt sadness, like it was really low, you know, like, so these these kind of changes in mood that were just so intense was probably something very like one of the most hardest things for me. But then and then again, not knowing what to do with it, right?

00:18:40:01 - 00:18:59:13

You feel these emotions and you're like, what do you do with those emotions? You know, you never got taught that it was never moral to you. You don't have emotional literacy, so you feel like, Oh my gosh, I'm experiencing this emotions and I don't even know what to do with them. And so that was really challenging. You know, I just like kind of learning how to navigate this.

00:18:59:13 - 00:19:23:19

What do I do with this? What does it mean? How can I manage? Just how can I give myself relief? You know, totally. And having said that, so I was going to ask you this later, but you mentioned emotional literacy. So what is emotional literacy and why is that so important to learn? MM So from my understanding, emotional literacy is just like understanding what are your emotions?

00:19:23:19 - 00:19:43:06

What are they there for? What are they doing? How old are you when you experience in, what do you do with them? You know, kind of emotional intelligence and emotional regulation, being able to regulate your emotions, you know, being able to time yourself, serve yourself, you know, help yourself become more alert or, you know, it changing your state.

00:19:43:06 - 00:20:16:17

Right. Emotionally speaking, which is linked with physiologically as well. But and even if we look at it from a somatic perspective, you know, understanding that our emotions also have sensations linked with them and then knowing what to do, what can we do with those sensations? You know, and it's amazing when you start to learn about somatic processing and that you can actually intentionally and consciously do the opposite, kind of imagine and visualize and kind of try and do the opposite of whatever those sensations are that you're experiencing.

00:20:16:17 - 00:20:43:01

And to give yourself relief and an experience like a level of emotional equilibrium action. And then of course, you know, behind that the wounds, the limiting beliefs, the unmet needs that are influencing your emotional state as well. So kind of learning all about that, which is, you know, what Tice is teaching in her amazing courses. So people get that opportunity to learn about themselves and that in that area totally.

00:20:43:03 - 00:21:06:08

I remember seeing that emotional feelings well and before I thought I had like two feelings, like I feel good or I feel bad. And then I see there's all these different shades and like, you know, dozens and dozens of different, different emotional states you can be in. But it takes a while to sort of go back in and start feeling those again and paying attention to the subtle shifts.

00:21:06:10 - 00:21:10:20

So that's really helpful, that explanation of emotional literacy. Thanks, Natasha.

00:21:10:20 - 00:21:18:09

So, Natasha, what has been one of your biggest areas of inner growth through working on healing or attachment style, Would you say?

00:21:19:00 - 00:21:47:06

So definitely vulnerability, being able to be vulnerable, feeling comfortable, to be vulnerable. I definitely felt like a huge difficulty around like how I'm perceived by others. I wanted to control the way that others would perceive me, and that's part of like the perfectionism kind of challenges. Yeah, And, and funnily enough, like, I did struggle massively with perfection and control.

00:21:47:08 - 00:22:13:12

And then it's funny because I ended up reverting back to, like maladaptive behaviors such as like more that were uncontrollable, such as that eating disorder and, you know, the anxiety and, and different components of that. But yes, so definitely vulnerability and then boundaries. Oh, my gosh. Like, you know, I had no idea that anybody can have a boundary and that we can have internal boundaries with ourselves as well as, you know, communicate boundaries externally.

00:22:13:18 - 00:22:36:17

I had no idea. Emotional boundaries, time boundaries like it completely. You know, I think for most people that have I think most people because most people, I would say are growing up in families where they don't have all these skills, you know, necessarily they they have all these emotional literacy skills. And there are some families that are secure attachments.

00:22:36:17 - 00:23:00:23

You know, that the parents of secure the children are lucky enough to grow up in that dynamic. But I think from the majority of families and people out there and fortunately that just wasn't moral to them, that just they had never learned that. So obviously, naturally, they passed down to the family members, you know, the things that weren't necessarily the best kind of coping strategies or techniques, but, you know, it just gets passed down.

00:23:01:00 - 00:23:36:16

Yeah. So, so yeah, in a nutshell, like vulnerability was very difficult, boundaries was very difficult. And probably the two biggest areas maybe that I, you know, for me that I went through that I learned, yeah, that's wonderful. Yeah. I remember for myself two boundaries. Like I thought boundaries equals conflict to me in my mind is if you're setting a boundary with someone, you're going to make them feel bad or you're sort of attacking them and end up in a conflict and potentially the end of a friendship or relationship or whatever.

00:23:36:18 - 00:24:05:14

So with myself being a people pleaser before, you know, I wouldn't dare set a boundary because I wouldn't want to offend anyone or, you know, God forbid, I stood up for myself. But it's scary, you know, like, especially in childhood, if, you know, you tried setting a boundary, it probably didn't get met with too much warmth, you know, might have got met with a physical beating as a child or, you know, being yelled at or having love withheld from you.

00:24:05:16 - 00:24:20:22

So it's understandable why boundaries are so scary. But the beautiful thing is when you start to learn how to do them, it's a skill like any other skill. You have to learn how to do it. It is. I'm not going to lie when if you're not used to it and you start doing it, it can be very scary.

00:24:20:24 - 00:24:38:12

But once you start doing it and doing it sort of the right way, you see the results of that and it's very empowering and you feel very good that you're sort of sticking up for yourself, almost like sticking up for a little kid who is being bullied. You know, you would come in there and say, Hey, that's not cool.

00:24:38:14 - 00:24:59:05

And then it's beautiful to see that other people, if you do it in a right way, there's no reason someone should get, you know, upset or angry. It actually, you know, I think twice said this or saw this in a video where it's like this is actually what brings people closer together because I don't know you and what your boundaries are until you tell me.

00:24:59:05 - 00:25:26:07

So once you do share that with me, I now know more about you as a person. Mm hmm. Yeah, it's it's. It's good all around, but it can be very scary at first. I'm sure you can agree. And I remember times also talks about, like, how it makes you see safe boundaries have to keep you safe, you know, And also boundaries help to make your relationships healthy, you know, So it's so important.

00:25:26:12 - 00:25:55:09

Right? Right. I like that. Keeping you safe. Peace. Because the idea would be like, oh, people, please, you will keep me safe. But boundaries and essence will keep you the most safe in those situations. So great. Natasha So you've been a member of the personal Development School for a while now. What would you say is sort of a teaching or a lesson or a tool that you sort of found to be just super beneficial on your kids journey?

00:25:55:11 - 00:26:14:24

Mm hmm. All of them are amazing. All of those that I, you know, app emotional processing tool is like the classic, you know, you've got that it component of being able to kind of become more aware of what your emotions are like. What am I feeling in this moment? You know, why do I feel that way? To see the link?

00:26:15:01 - 00:26:41:12

And then you've got that ability to see if you are what you're making things vain, You know, Am I making any meaning here? And then you've got that opportunity to perspective, check and question your stories or question the thoughts and the beliefs, you know, to see whether they're accurate. And you've got. So that relates that that kind of helps to get give a bit of relief regarding like the suffering component that we can make sometimes that we can create for ourselves.

00:26:41:14 - 00:27:06:06

And then you've got that other component as well with needs, right? That you unmet needs, you know, what's the, the need here that you need to meet and what's the strategy to get the need met. So you've got that second component. So I love it because it's like a double whammy of like needs and limiting beliefs and then, you know, and then of course all the worksheets regarding how to communicate boundaries is amazing.

00:27:06:08 - 00:27:38:05

And you know, Tice has got resources on the boundaries, like auditing, you know, in your different areas of life, you know your boundaries. But and of course, auto suggestion, you know, so you've got that ability to start reprograming like for wounds that keep coming up or keep getting triggered and, and reprograming them over a period of time so that, you know, it starts to kind of go into the subconscious mind as being activated here and you're able to make a subconscious change here with these beliefs.

00:27:38:05 - 00:28:06:01

So it's not like you're believing it on a conscious level, but it's like, it's like you kind of knowing it intrinsically, but it's not accurate and or that there is a different truth than that. Again, game changer. Um, so yeah, many, many tools, but probably those are some of my favorites. Yeah. Yeah. Wonderful. Wonderful. So for anyone who's listening, right, be like, would you say that what would be a good starting point?

00:28:06:01 - 00:28:32:11

Is there like, should they start with understanding their needs? Should they start with boundaries? Should they start with ending perfectionism? Like, is there a good sort of starting point that fearful avoidance should dive into first? MM Good question. I would say like, you know, takes always seems to everybody, you know, start off with emotional mastery, start off with the needs, you know, delve into those, do those two courses or learn about those two areas.

00:28:32:11 - 00:28:49:19

And I feel like, you know, you're the expert on yourself. You'll start to you'll start to understand through those two courses. Okay, This is the area that I really need to go into next door or like, wow, boundaries, as was mentioned. And these courses, like, I have no idea about that. Now I'm going to I feel like I should explore that.

00:28:49:19 - 00:29:13:13

So I, I think it's like just doing those two foundational courses and then kind of moving from there based on what you feel kind of resonates with you most or the area that you were lacking education and the most, you know that you want a deeper understanding of? Sure, sure. I love that. So I know that you you're married.

00:29:13:14 - 00:29:33:23

We mentioned you have a husband, so you've been in a relationship for five years around around that point of time. What would you say is kind of one of the most important things to do or maintain or what on your end is sort of something that you need to be doing to kind of keep the relationship in a good place.

00:29:34:00 - 00:29:58:09

MM Great question. Definitely. I would say, Mike, it's about like communication. Like communication is key. You know, I'm sure you maybe hear about that many people talk about that, but it really is true and like being able to kind of boundary vulnerably communicate what you're feeling in a given moment and what your kind of why you're feeling that way and what you need to feel good.

00:29:58:09 - 00:30:24:03

And even though that may feel so scary or uncomfortable and especially for anything, but gosh, is it powerful and then you're kind of like opening up space and giving them permission to do the same thing. They can say, Oh my gosh, no idea that you were feeling this way for this reason. And then they say, you know, wow, I was feeling, you know, this way for this reason and this is what I need.

00:30:24:03 - 00:30:43:15

And then, you know, you can kind of from there I had that open dialog and come to like a win win for both parties, but I'm too busy. And that's the healthiest way I think, to go about it. And and then, you know, it's interesting, even the I with our relationship, there were even times where I was like, gosh, I cannot kind of process this right now.

00:30:43:15 - 00:31:11:02

And what I need from you is space. So then I would take that to Chris and then he would give me that space and I would go away and kind of, you know, try to understand what was happening, were like, you know, you know what was going on, why was I triggered or whatever, whatever was happening. And then I've given I've had that time to kind of think and become aware of that, and then I can come back to him from like a much more kind of regulated and calm place and be able to have open dialog, right?

00:31:11:04 - 00:31:36:04

So yeah, I think that communication is like non-negotiable. It's essential. It's like the crux of, of a healthy relationship, you know, any book. I like how you said to, to tell the why of, you know, you communicate something and then why. So for example, if you're taking space, you know, you would explain I just I really need space right now.

00:31:36:06 - 00:31:53:06

I just, you know, I might feel my emotions right now are a little high and I don't think the conversation's going to go great right now. And if the way I process things is to go away and sort of, you know, internally think about it and reflect because let's say if you're dating an anxious type, they wouldn't be able to, like, comprehend that.

00:31:53:06 - 00:32:15:11

Oh, you're you know, you're upset right now and you want to go away. Like when people are upset, they come together and they try to come with a solution. But from a more avoidant type and fearful leaning avoidant, they're going to want to go away and they're going to need that time to, you know, a calm down and be, you know, maybe have some reflection and know what direction they want to take the conversation.

00:32:15:13 - 00:32:41:11

So, yeah, explaining the why is just really, really big and communicating why you feel a certain way. And partners, I think, are more receptive to that. If if you know, you get triggered for a reason and you're getting really upset at your partner, they might think what you're getting upset at is very small or petty or little. But if you explain like, oh, you know, in childhood, this will happen.

00:32:41:11 - 00:33:01:03

Or my mom would always say this. And when you do that, it reminds me of that. I think it really puts the partner in your shoes and it's like, Oh yeah, that would be pretty hurtful. Or I can see how that would sort of sting when somebody is doing doing this or doing that. So I love the piece and I think that's super important with communication.

00:33:01:05 - 00:33:35:24

The Sure. Okay. So switching to your coaching, I want to talk about your coaching a bit. Is there an area that you sort of focus on in your coaching practice? Yeah, for sure. So I'm mainly working with so I work as a psychosocial occupational therapist and then I've got like a coaching practice separate from that. But I'm working mainly with clients that are like mid twenties upward that are working professionals and basically they I'm working with people that want to change the relationship they have with themselves, right?

00:33:35:24 - 00:34:11:23

Because once we start to change that, then our reality changes externally. When we change the internal, you know, our relationships change, you know, our experience and now workplace or and our, you know, whatever our goals are that we're working towards, like all of those external factors change as a result of the internal change. And so basically what that looks like, I'm, you know, we're focused on like what the person's relationship to boundaries, person's relationship to be needs, tertiary needs as well as like personality needs are they living a life in alignment with that?

00:34:11:23 - 00:34:35:08

It's so fascinating how many people may not be aware of what those are in their work and their careers completely differ from that. Or it's meeting one need, but it's not meeting all of those needs or many of those needs. And if it's not, that's okay as well. But it's like, okay, what about the other activities that you're doing in your day or like your leisure pursuits, your hobbies?

00:34:35:08 - 00:35:09:12

Are they in alignment with your personality needs because there's such a I've noticed such a change with people's like level of film and their mood when they're in a living in alignment with your personality needs is it's like it's like a game night and day change, you know, truly so. And then of course, we're looking at like limiting beliefs and cool wounds and like exploring and what are the what are the ones that are coming up that is stopping a person from that Presenting is barriers and stopping the person from doing they really want to do.

00:35:09:12 - 00:35:38:05

Or maybe they'll go into these default maladaptive behaviors and they don't know why and they don't want to go there, but they keep reverting back to it. So I like to just explore and help that person to develop a healthier relationship with themselves, you know, and so that they can regulate themselves, so that they can experience an internal peace and harmony and a balance, you know, and and then, like I said, it has a domino effect on every other area of the life.

00:35:38:05 - 00:36:03:05

You know, they find other tasks so much easier to do and and their life becomes richer and more fulfilling when they experience a change internally. Absolutely. I love that. I love how you kind of let them know what their own personality needs are specifically because a lot of people are there living, you know, and what they think society thinks that they should do, what their parents think they should do, what their friends think they should do.

00:36:03:07 - 00:36:30:18

And that's okay. But if left on autopilot, you're always going to go in these directions. But until you really, like kind of check under the hood and go inside, you have to really get specific and understand what your specific personality needs are because yours are going to be different than your brothers, your partners, your bosses. Like there's going to be all these different people who might want to push their needs you, but you're going to have your own individual personality needs.

00:36:30:20 - 00:36:51:24

So if you don't start to honor them, you're going to be in a period of, you know, people pleasing. You're going to be doing things that take your energy, that don't make you feel as good. And yeah, it's just wonderful to see the change when you know, okay, my top three personality needs are, you know, emotional connection, personal growth, whatever else.

00:36:52:01 - 00:37:16:22

I know that I put attention and time in my day towards those things that I'm going to feel like pretty darn good. Yeah, Yeah. See my and it is a radical change. I've noticed a radical change in these people when they uncover that and then they get they give themselves permission to do it. But what's really follows with that is that there are limiting beliefs around doing those things.

00:37:16:22 - 00:37:36:03

So then we got to unpack. You know, they'll usually be, you know, there's shame and guilt and like belief that like this is not okay to do, you know. So we have to unpack that as well. But also I find that clients can reflect back on times in the past when they, you know, if they get stuck, I don't really know, you know, what those things are that fulfill me.

00:37:36:03 - 00:37:57:15

And then they go back and they're like, Oh my gosh, yeah, I did that all the time, you know? And then we and then when we kind of discover what those needs are, they're like, Oh, yeah, that makes so much sense. Of course, that's why I keep doing those things. So anyway, that's quite like a that's a breakthrough exercise in and of itself, you know, And I love it.

00:37:57:17 - 00:38:21:03

And then with your coaching, what sort of like the big picture, do you have any ideas of where you want to take your coaching in the future? Yeah, well, it's interesting because I feel like and I remember kind of saying this, I'm pretty sure it was on his website, like her goal, her mission is to make emotional literacy become mainstream, and I 100% agree that this is needed.

00:38:21:03 - 00:38:45:05

And what's fascinating again, with my clients is they're like, why wasn't this taught in schools? Like, why is this not taught everywhere? And I agree. Like, why is it not taught? You know, there aren't many families out there that are securely attached. Like, sure, there's a percentage, but I would say the majority unfortunately don't have that. Those skills, those knowledge, those tools.

00:38:45:06 - 00:39:18:18

And so like knowledge is power, right? And so it's like this should become mainstream. And I guess for me where where I'm seeing this going is I want to kind of go in that direction where I can make this available for different groups of people that really need it, you know, people with trauma background as But, but people yeah, as our world is changing I'm seeing as well there's different groups of people that are kind of presenting themselves where I feel like this is really, really needed here but needed generally everywhere.

00:39:18:24 - 00:39:38:19

So I'm going to be moving in that direction with this, you know, wanting to kind of expand this out so that it's accessible for more people. Yeah, I love that you're going to do great and help a lot of people. Excellent. So I want to talk to you about self-care. We like we like digging into what people are doing for self-care.

00:39:38:21 - 00:40:04:15

What is health care look like for Natasha? Yeah, and great question, Mike. I think that emotional part of all of our all kind of beings and you know, making sure that we're kind of making ourselves having a routine that's healthy for our emotional mental health is important. But another part that's very important that sometimes people are underestimating is that physical component, right?

00:40:04:17 - 00:40:26:18

It's like so sized and like nervous system regulation work, but like changing our physiology, you know, and the exercise component sometimes can be under a lot. And I so for me, I'm making I'm trying to make sure that I have like a very regular kind of exercise regime where I'm able to do that each day or as many times as I can throughout the week.

00:40:26:20 - 00:40:51:09

And and I've recently started as well. Cold therapy, cold showers. I've just recently I've, I've found it to be quite cold. I kind of powerful and changing your physiological state but yeah, exercise as well is linked directly to mental health. It's also got an impact on our gut health as well. Right. Which then has an impact on our mental health.

00:40:51:09 - 00:41:12:21

So I think that all is part are they're all linked. And then of course the spiritual practice, you know, whatever that is for you. And so I'm making sure that, you know, I'm and I admit that at the moment I'm not where I want to be with that. But I'm getting, you know, I'm slowly kind of going to be getting into a more consistent routine with that.

00:41:12:21 - 00:41:38:21

But so for me, I think it's important to look at it holistically and have something that is also like it's sustainable. Not that you want to just mess about spending your morning doing is in the morning and you know, it's like 3 hours of passion. You're like, Right, I'm ready for the day, you know, nothing like that. I think that those extreme things can be for me anyway, because I've tried that.

00:41:38:23 - 00:41:59:03

I feel like those extreme things are just not sustainable. They don't end up working long term. I think that what's sustainable is doing something simple, but that is effective for you and that you can just do a little bit of it each day. You know, So it's not overwhelming, you know, and you can continue on with it. I like yeah, a lot of you mentioned the physical, too.

00:41:59:03 - 00:42:24:20

And actually I was listening to a podcast from, you know, David Goggins Have you heard of him? Yeah, he's a really interesting guy, but he does like extreme. He was a Navy SEAL and now he does a lot of extreme physical challenges, not recommend you do exactly what he does. But what really shifted for me was he started out his whole physical journey not to get fit, like he didn't care to have a six pack or be like a big buff guy.

00:42:24:20 - 00:42:48:01

It was more for a mental sharpening and more to like proved himself. He can do something and build up self esteem, build up resilience and build up, you know, doing things that are uncomfortable and pushing it to kind of see how far you can go. So I thought that was really interesting because as I mentioned, personal growth is definitely one of my highest personality needs and physical.

00:42:48:01 - 00:43:07:20

I always thought of as I know it does have mental benefits, you know, endorphins and all those types of things. But until you framed it for me like that yesterday, like there is a lot of mental benefits from exercise, not just, you know, hey, my clothes fit me pretty good right now, or, hey, I can take my shirt off for the beach.

00:43:07:22 - 00:43:32:14

The mental benefits are amazing. So I'm glad you brought up the physical aspect of this, this whole journey as well. So and I want to ask you about rituals. Do you have any, like daily rituals that you engage in meditation or whatever rituals you do on a daily or weekly basis? Yeah, or I'm not I don't want to like I don't want to overwhelm myself with all these different things.

00:43:32:14 - 00:43:53:07

So I feel like I just kind of keep it simple. I stick with like exercise, you know, and making sure that I sleep well because it has a significant impact as well on our mental health and in our overall quality of life. But yeah, I do like it 30 minutes a day of like doing something related to like emotional work.

00:43:53:07 - 00:44:15:04

So whether it be I don't know, doing an total of I need to was doing, you know, exploring some of my beliefs or just learning the content from refreshing my memory on courses or like her webinars or writing some books on an LP or something. So I try to do a little bit of that just to keep myself fresh and kind of help myself continue to learn about myself.

00:44:15:04 - 00:44:41:01

Because, you know, we are we my dad said to me, we will never stop learning until we die. Like that's when we will stop learning. And I hundred percent agree that I don't feel like you can kind of ever stop learning about yourself internally. Like, you know, you can always learn. And and if you get to a point where you don't feel like friggin, you need to feel any kind of you feel always emotionally kind of stable, well, then, you know, do something wild.

00:44:41:01 - 00:45:09:12

Go go to go join some I don't know, adrenaline sports, you know, like jump jump from a helicopter or go to India or do something a bit wild and then see what comes up for you. You know? Sure, there will be plenty of opportunities there for you to kind of understand yourself a little bit deeper, you know, and be like, wow, you know, this is coming up for me right now and like, you know, how do I process this and kind of explore other signs of yourself because you can never stop learning.

00:45:09:12 - 00:45:31:23

So, yeah, I love that. That's awesome. So what services as we're coming to a close, first of all, thank you so much for being here, but I just want to know and let our audience know what services are you offering these days? For sure, for sure. So I'm mainly working with people for 3 to 6 months and I'm working with individuals and groups.

00:45:31:23 - 00:45:36:21

You know, in my private practice coaching. So yeah, that's wonderful.

00:45:36:21 - 00:46:00:02

lastly, Natasha, where can people get a hold of you? Where can they find you online? Yes, I have a very simple kind of link tree link. So it's link tree. Forward slash Natasha Levy online and set. Very simple, very easy. So and Mike, I'm sure you'll just put that in the in the space below. Definitely share. Well.

00:46:00:04 - 00:46:21:18

Well thanks again Natasha for being here today. Really appreciate your time and hearing about your passion and the journey that you've been on and how far you've come. And again, just thank you so much for taking the time today. And thank you so much, Mike, for asking me to come on and speak. Really appreciate it. For sure. We'll catch up with you in a couple of years and see how you're doing.