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Hello and welcome to the Personal Development School Podcast. I'm your host. Hayes Atkinson, and I create regular podcast episodes to teach you about your relationships, attachment style and the subconscious mind.

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My goal of this podcast is to give you tools and awareness you need to thrive in your relationships, feel deeply connected, and find harmony fulfillment in your relationships and personal life.

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So I hope you tune in here with me each and every week.

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I'm going to talk to you about two key things. Number one, why a dismissal avoidance language is what they are.

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Because there's three core ones and I'm going to talk to you about the subconscious associations linked to that.

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And I'm also going to talk to you about how to create a breakthrough as a dismissal avoidance, because the root cause of why the DA's love languages are what they are is something that's actually based on a world. And that word can be broken through. And I'm going to give you some key steps to start off with. Okay.

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So

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Let's talk about the dismissal avoidance. So the dismissal avoidance, key love languages, the way that they communicate are they give and receive love are acts of service and gifts. Gifts I see more for females and males and acts of service tends to be the sort of pervasive one for that dismissal avoidance.

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The one that most dismissive avoidance have words of affirmation is also a huge love language for dismissive avoidance, but it's words of affirmation being received, whereas they can struggle to give words of affirmation. So it's sort of like a one way

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space to a certain degree. However, they do feel like it's a little bit easier and safer to express that love language first, as they're on the path to becoming more secure, then they think then they feel that it is to express physical touch and to really be invested in quality time.

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So if you're not familiar, by the way, the five love languages are based on somebody named Dr. Gary Chapman and some of the research he did about the way couples communicate and give and receive love. So it's based on his research. So

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specific attachments, there is a correlation with what their love language is, tend to be that I've seen very strongly. Now, the other interesting part here is that, you know, you have to ask yourself the question why? Why are these the love languages for the business? Well, what and what are the correlations? Well, what I found is that dismissal avoidance, those are the safest love languages.

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Acts of service is indirect. It's not too vulnerable. You know, words of affirmation can be received because it's clear and they value that clarity and directness. It feels a little vulnerable to express it. So sometimes they don't reciprocate completely, although they value receiving that love, language and gifts is also very safe and quite indirect. And so this is the love language that's with these are the loving which is associated with the least vulnerability.

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If you juxtapose that to a fearful avoidance, for example, fearful avoidance like love, physical touch, quality time, the deepest things that they can find, because for a fearful woman, when they had to become hyper vigilant in childhood and super tuned into everything that was happening,

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what they learned is that if I can get really clear and there's lots of transparency, there's lots of depth in our interaction, that's some kind of guarantee towards safety.

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And so fearful women tend to value depth of connection, transparency, honesty, getting as clear as you can about things in terms of your vulnerability and open communication. And they tend to have these programed and subconscious associations that say, Oh, this is safer. So it's super interesting. I'll do a little video about anxious, preoccupied love language as well. But I kind of just threw that in there to show the example.

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So when we look, when we take all of that information and then we look at why, well, obviously we know that the dismissive avoidant really fears vulnerability. So I want to give you a little break through exercise. If you are the dismissive avoidant or if you're the friend or loved one to be dismissive avoidant, you want to share.

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This here is the exercise. Number one, You want to get really clear about what vulnerability means, because at the end of the day, those things that block a dismissive avoidant from being vulnerable, from warming up, from being open are literally the programed belief patterns. They have a way around what vulnerability means. It's like a story around. It's like their primary story around vulnerability.

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So you want to ask yourself if you are that dismissive of when, what does vulnerability mean? To me? It means I am weak. It means I'm trapped. It means I will be rejected. It means I am unsafe. You know, these are some key things that you'll probably see. And what I want you to do is write down all of the beliefs that come up as many as you can, because there will probably be a lot, but there will be one or two that really stick out and resonate.

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And then what you want to do is you want to use subconscious reprograming tools to reprogram those beliefs over and over again. Now, I'm not going to go into a whole bunch of tools specifically. I do have a course that's out and it's 21 different ways to reprogram your subconscious mind. It's like a deep dive into subconscious reprograming and we touch on the very basics of neuroplasticity and neurogenesis and how the brain can actually be sort of rewired

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by.

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It's what we're looking for here is you using one of the these umbrella tools, these, these two key key components, which is that the subconscious mind is reprogramed through repetition plus emotion. So if you can take those stories and you can change those stories on a daily basis and you can work to see how vulnerability is safe by maybe doing little tiny, vulnerable things on a daily basis that aren't going to harm you, and then letting your conscious mind tell your subconscious mind, look, that was safe.

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I am courageous, I am okay, Everything's going to work out. That wasn't so bad. You know, things that are helping to change that program. If you can do this repetitively in a way that elicits new emotional associations are going to wipe out that program or neutralize it or make it become obsolete over time. And these are some first really crucial steps to changing the dismissal of what an attachment style, because it involves changing these big beliefs, structures and programed associations that are that perceptual filter.

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The dismissal of wouldn't sees the world through that impacts everything else in the way that they show up in a relationship.