00;00;10;17 - 00;00;33;09
Thais Gibson
Hello and welcome to the Personal Development School podcast. I'm your host. Thais Gibson, and I create regular podcast episodes to teach you about your relationships, attachment style and the subconscious mind. My goal of this podcast is to give you tools and awareness you need to thrive in your relationships, feel deeply connected, and find harmony and fulfillment in your relationships and personal life.
00;00;33;21 - 00;01;03;01
Thais Gibson
So I hope you tune in here with me each and every week, though. Are you in a relationship or even a situation shared with the dismissive avoidant attachments? Well, and feel like things are just not really on track. Maybe you feel like the spark is kind of fading. You're seeing each other last year, communicating and texting a little bit less often, and you're really wondering how can you rekindle the spark?
00;01;03;16 - 00;01;25;25
Thais Gibson
Well, in this video, I'm going to cover exactly how to do that with five key steps to rekindle the spark with the dismissive avoidant. By the way, if you're not familiar with what a dismissible wooden attachment style is, it's one of four main attachment styles. Everybody has an attachment style, a.k.a. love style in a relationship and essentially a dismissive avoidant tend to be the ones in relationships that are withdrawn.
00;01;26;05 - 00;01;49;17
Thais Gibson
They're afraid of commitment. They can be slower to warm up, and it's because they definitely have neglect wounds from childhood where deep emotional connection wasn't really there. And so they have this longstanding history of not really feeling that type of connection was model to them, and it can lead them to be a little bit hesitant to try to incorporate that kind of connection in their adult romantic relationships because it feels like an unknown.
00;01;49;23 - 00;02;22;13
Thais Gibson
So without further ado, the five major components of rekindling the spark with a dismissive avoidant attachment sell arms number one, some kind of lightness and ease. No, I don't just mean like being light and easy in your text messages and just sort of keeping things at a high level. But if things are falling off course, one of the things that will actually create a deactivation for dismissive avoidant first and fastest is if things go from being, you know, sort of on the rocks to somebody pushing too hard and too fast to create deeper connection.
00;02;22;28 - 00;02;49;00
Thais Gibson
So think of it this way. If you're finding that things are just not going so well, start with just keeping things at a high level, but adding in more consistency. Keep things simple, keep things easy. And what you're actually doing here in this step is you're building rapport, you're meeting somebody where they are at, and it's actually a really important skill of empathy to be able to meet somebody where they're at, because sometimes we just want people to be where we are and on the same pages we are in the level we are.
00;02;49;13 - 00;03;09;11
Thais Gibson
So we have this thing that we can do where we subconsciously project ourselves onto another person. We're like, Well, I want to be deeply committed, so they should want to be deeply committed. And we try to push for that without actually considering where that person currently is. And sometimes what we have to do to get somebody on the same page as us is first just return to their page and bring them along with us.
00;03;09;22 - 00;03;28;15
Thais Gibson
And so it's really valuable to start off with a little bit of lightness, ease and then build consistency around that for 1 to 2 weeks as you just reengage that connection with the day. The second really big thing to add in here, if you're trying to get things back on track and rekindle that spark is acknowledgment and appreciation.
00;03;28;16 - 00;03;46;04
Thais Gibson
Now, I want to be really clear here. This myth of avoidance do not respond to acknowledgment and appreciation when it seems superficial or exaggerated. They tend to respond to things like, Hey, I notice X, y, or z about you like these small things, like things you notice, things you appreciate. You see that they're trying to be more interested in the relationship.
00;03;46;04 - 00;04;07;26
Thais Gibson
You appreciate them for showing up the little things that you can acknowledge, those things that seem very sincere in terms of what you actually appreciate. If you try to say things like, Oh, you're the best ever in the world or nobody's as good as you at X, Y, Z, like if you have these really magnified compliments, these will feel like it's superficial and overwhelming and they'll tend to withdraw from things like that.
00;04;08;07 - 00;04;31;22
Thais Gibson
So you really want to give small, consistent pieces of sincere acknowledgment and appreciation for things that are real, things that you actually can find. Appreciation in within the relationship. And it helps admits, avoidance, feel seen, and also feel encouraged like they can do relationships in a healthy way because believe it or not, and I can tell you this from working with so many people in my practice over the years, believe it or not, what actually ends up happening is so many dismissive avoidants.
00;04;32;09 - 00;05;03;09
Thais Gibson
They feel incapable of really doing relationships, and so they won't try to do things or try to put themselves out there because it feels too vulnerable. And so knowing that they can do those things tend to actually really positively reinforce them to be able to show up more effectively and more consistently. Now, number three, if you pair the lightness and the ease and consistency with the acknowledgment, and then you sprinkle in a little bit of humor, you know, sharing funny means or a little funny jokes or funny videos or just things at a high level that bring out that humor.
00;05;03;09 - 00;05;22;24
Thais Gibson
It actually helps the dismissible going to feel really relaxed and connected. And it's something they tend to respond very positively to. It's like more of these indirect ways of connecting, sharing things that you both find amusing or funny or interesting or, you know, things that you can acknowledge. Like all of these things tied together will help get things off the rocks and just into a more positive space overall.
00;05;23;12 - 00;05;46;02
Thais Gibson
So after conducting many polls and surveys at the Personal Development School over the past few years, we have found that students come in and 92% of them become dominantly, securely attached within 90 days. If they focus on six crucial areas, the six crucial areas have to do with what it takes to become secure. According to Gibson Integrated Attachment Theory.
00;05;46;08 - 00;06;11;28
Thais Gibson
And this is to tackle for wounds, learn your needs, learn to emotionally regulate, develop boundaries, communicate better, and update old behavioral coping mechanisms. Now we have these roadmaps and course tracks laid out for you on the other side of when you join. So everything is simple and in front of you to help you take exactly the steps that you need to to master your love life, create thriving relationships, and really see the results in your healing journeys.
00;06;11;28 - 00;06;36;25
Thais Gibson
You can let go of old wounds, old baggage, and truly leave it behind. And on top of that, included in this 30% off promotion for life, you also gain access to our daily live events webinars. I'll be there three days a week to answer any questions that you have in your journey. And we have amazing certified integrated attachment theory experts who are there to support you with their daily live events and webinars Monday through Saturday.
00;06;37;07 - 00;06;59;27
Thais Gibson
And this is a great opportunity to connect with like minded people to get your questions answered and receive any extra bonus support that you need. And last but not least, we even have social events on a daily basis so you can practice through sharing circle being a little bit more vulnerable, connecting with other like minded people. You can practice through communication scripts, having tough conversations and really modeling that out.
00;06;59;27 - 00;07;23;02
Thais Gibson
And there are so many other supportive events that are there for you on your journey. So I'd love for you to join and take this opportunity. I would love for you to be part of this challenge, to become securely attached within that 90 day period. And I can't wait to see you on the other side. Number four here is you want to have an absence of pressure, but you want to have more time with one another.
00;07;23;02 - 00;07;42;07
Thais Gibson
Something that I find can really make a relationship go off track with the day because they're so sensitive to criticism and they won't ever show it. So you probably won't know. It is when they feel like they are being told what they're not doing rather than what you would like to do with them. So these are much more likely to respond to communication that says, actually, let me just show you the difference.
00;07;42;07 - 00;07;59;08
Thais Gibson
Let's say that I say to a day, you never spend enough time with me. You never make time for me. I'm sick of it. Okay. Which is how a lot of people communicate versus if I say, Hey, I really miss spending time with you. Let's do a really fun date night on Saturday and let's specifically do X, Y, Z.
00;08;00;07 - 00;08;23;08
Thais Gibson
Like the absence of pressure. It's not about what you didn't do. It's not about how you're not doing enough or not good enough. Instead of really communicating about like a fun idea in the in the present or near future that I really want to incorporate. And there's a lightness. There's a fun about this and the fun about that, Isn't it like excitement or something to look forward to rather than, Hey, you never asked why I said you don't bother.
00;08;23;18 - 00;08;43;28
Thais Gibson
You know something I'm like, really telling you and communicating about negatively or retroactively, right? So the difference between proactive communication and reactive communication is huge. It sounds like a small thing. It was a very, very, very, very long way in relationships. So that absence of pressure in how you communicate and really making sure you communicate in that proactive format, massive.
00;08;44;10 - 00;09;05;29
Thais Gibson
And number five, moving towards being more supportive of each other in a harmonious way. So dismissal avoidance, they generally have a pretty strong love language around acts of service, which for them feels like supportive ness. If somebody is doing acts of service, it feels like they're being supported. Seeing, cared for, understood all these things that are really important for dismissal points in terms of connection.
00;09;06;00 - 00;09;38;12
Thais Gibson
So doing that in that form, but making sure that you are also expressing your needs as well because, you know, we have to acknowledge that if a relationship has fallen off track and a spark is not really in a great space, it's probably because there's two people in the relationship that are accidentally contributing to that. So making sure as well with a day, you are also communicating what your needs are to feel supported, making them small, simple, chunked, down, easy to understand and, and then giving those needs as well through acts of service, through care, through support and supportive ness to create more of that harmony and relationships is huge.
00;09;38;24 - 00;09;54;04
Thais Gibson
It helps make a whole lot of sense. If you want to learn more about attachment styles, your subconscious mind boundaries, reconditioning the subconscious mind as a whole to heal our wounds or limiting beliefs we have, and so many other things. Julie Subscribe to the channel.
