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Thais Gibson
Hello and welcome to the Personal Development School podcast. I'm your host. Thais Gibson, and I create regular podcast episodes to teach you about your relationships, attachment style and the subconscious mind. My goal of this podcast is to give you tools and awareness you need to thrive in your relationships, feel deeply connected, and find harmony and fulfillment in your relationships and personal life.

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Thais Gibson
So I hope you tune in here with me each and every week.

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Thais Gibson
Are you dating a fearful avoidant and you feel like the connection is breaking down? Maybe there have been one too many arguments or there's resentment starting to build up in the relationship and you're really looking to just rekindle the spark. Or perhaps you're fearful avoidant yourself. And you were looking to really just reconnect in your relationship more deeply.

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Thais Gibson
Well, if any of this sounds like you, we will be covering five crucial ingredients to rekindle the spark. If you are in a fearful, avoidant relationship, fearful avoidant is one of four major attachment styles. The fearful avoidant attachment style itself tends to have both anxious and avoidant sides to them. And so we tend to think of the fear of Liquidnet as the hot and cold partner because of your body can go back and forth so often between that warm side and wanting to be all in and that cold side and wanting to withdraw and be all out.

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Thais Gibson
It is also fairly common for the fearful avoidant to kind of be a pendulum swinging that can actually cause a lot of destruction to relationships over time because they're constantly going from feeling really invested to feeling really doubtful about their relationships. And then obviously will come out in the way that they argue or the way that they express themselves, because they're going through a lot of that inner turmoil to begin with.

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Thais Gibson
So five crucial things that you want to know if you're trying to rekindle the spark with the fearful avoidant attachment is, number one. Novelty is key. And I think that's sometimes what happens, especially a worker. Will, wouldn't they think that like the novelty stage of the relationship is only at the very beginning and once you reconnect or once you, I guess, more deeply connect and move through the dating stage and honeymoon stage of relationship, that all of a sudden it's like, oh, the novelty is gone.

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Thais Gibson
But there may be a sense of novelty at the beginning of a relationship because you're newly getting to know somebody. But I really want to stress how valuable and important it is, especially as the relationship progresses through the six different stages for an individual to be able to really show up and start doing new things together, take a new road trip somewhere, try a new sort of skill that you learn together.

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Thais Gibson
Just try different things and new things in the relationship overall. And the more that you do that, the more you still get the need for novelty met it just being met in a different form. It may not be matters like you're you're newly getting to know somebody. It may just be met in the form of like hey, we try new things together in the relationship that bring us closer all the time.

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Thais Gibson
So it's a really important thing for rekindling the spark number to have open, transparent conversations and continue to get to know each other in different forms. I can't stress how important this one is because fearful avoidance tend to feel like they need to keep understanding. Somebody needs to keep getting to know somebody. And if you're in a long lasting or longstanding relationship, chances are you're not going to find yourself in a position where you stay the same for years and years and years, especially if you're with a fearful avoidant.

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Thais Gibson
Careful wouldn't tend to change and transform frequently until if you're dating a fearful avoidant. It's really important that you keep getting to know each other because you know who you are one month into the relationship versus who you are five years into the relationship, it's going to be a drastically different person. And so it's really important that in your connection, you keep having deep conversations, you keep opening up, you keep asking each other new questions, you keep getting to know how one another are changing over the course of the year, and it's not actually going to be like a glue that binds the two of you together because it's so massive for if you're full

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Thais Gibson
of wanting to feel like they're constantly discovering new things, connecting more deeply with their partner on an ongoing basis. So after conducting many polls and surveys at the Personal Development School over the past few years, we have found that students come in and 92% of them become dominantly, securely attached within 90 days. If they focus on six crucial areas, the six crucial areas have to do with what it takes to become secure, according to Gibson Integrated Attachment theory.

00;04;44;06 - 00;05;09;25
Thais Gibson
And this is to tackle for wounds, learn your needs, learn to emotionally regulate, develop boundaries, communicate better, and update old behavioral coping mechanisms. Now we have these roadmaps and course tracks laid out for you on the other side of when you join. So everything is simple and in front of you to help you take exactly the steps that you need to to master your love life, create thriving relationships, and really see the results in your healing journeys.

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Thais Gibson
You can let go of old wounds, old baggage, and truly leave it behind. And on top of that, included in this 30% off promotion for life, you also gain access to our daily live events webinars. I'll be there three days a week to answer any questions that you have in your journey. And we have amazing certified integrated attachment theory experts who are there to support you with their daily live events and webinars Monday through Saturday.

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Thais Gibson
And this is a great opportunity to connect with like minded people to get your questions answered and receive any extra bonus support that you need. And last but not least, we even have social events on a daily basis so you can practice through sharing circle being a little bit more vulnerable, connecting with other like minded people. You can practice through communication scripts, having tough conversations and really modeling that out.

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Thais Gibson
And there are so many other supportive events that are there for you on your journey. So a lot for you to join and take this opportunity. I would love for you to be part of this challenge, to become securely attached within that 90 day period. And I can't wait to see you on the other side. So number three, for rekindling the spark with a fearful avoidant because it is so important to have growth, fearful avoidant, even if they are kind of in a state of chaos because as we know, if whole ones can really have a dysregulated nervous system and be making decisions from like fight or flight freeze or find mode all the time,

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Thais Gibson
it is so valuable and so important to make sure that you are growing with a fearful avoidant. They tend to really value growth. They want to see that the relationship is growing and improving. They want to see that they are personally growing and improving even a bit. Sometimes they are going through a difficult time to know that there's a path for growth.

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Thais Gibson
To know that there is a potential for growth is absolutely massive, for fearful avoidant, attachment style and number four, depth is huge. And then it will kind of talk a little bit about this one earlier in terms of like constantly getting to know each other, but depth of conversation is really important, depth of connection, depth of commitment to things, depth of planning, because sometimes revisions, buttons can be a little less inclined to plan.

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Thais Gibson
Sometimes they're super inclined to plan. They can kind of go either way, but to know that there's a lot of depth in the relationship overall, there's a lack of superficiality. There's not like surface topics or discussions or surface things that you're committing your free time to doing. Like there has to be substance, authenticity, depth with this person. And I think sometimes what I've seen over the years where he was so many couples in the past is that sometimes couples can get into situations and dynamics where they get so accustomed to spending so much time together that that depth piece really goes out the window and can really go missing.

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Thais Gibson
Whereas depth is really important to continuously rediscover in anything that you're doing the fearful one because it is so meaningful to them and it will really help them feel like the relationship turns a dial and gets back on track very, very quickly. It's huge for effort. And last but not least, having a fun time is your whole wins are usually really good at having fun as long as they're not in a state of distress and so fearful avoidant, they can sort of, you know, go all in on things and have a great time, really present in the moment and really invested.

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Thais Gibson
And sometimes I think that wins also have a tendency to become so serious. So actually making time and space that's committed to having fun too, just doing things that are different and new and spontaneous and enjoyable where you have a laugh like all of those things are super valuable to reconnecting with the fearful avoidant an overall. So I hope this makes a whole lot of sense.

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Thais Gibson
I will say of one bonus piece here that also if you have resentment in your relationship, you have to resolve it. You have to actually communicate through things or else you're going to see that a lot of these things we just talked about, there's a wall of resentment between these things and your ability to make these things happen with a fear of losing partners.

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Thais Gibson
So please make sure that you are good at communicating through issues, through challenges, you know, unresolved wounds, fears in the relationship. I unmet needs like a lot of these things have to be discussed and worked through in order for these five ingredients to really, really apply. And again, if you're stuck on that and you just need relationship preparation, support that, how to heal any relationship is literally a course designed just for one person to go through, have the tools to be able to apply those things.

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Thais Gibson
So the connection in the relationship overall.