00;00;00;06 - 00;00;25;28
Jake Jaffe
I came to PDS essentially to try to get this person back into my life, and I ended up cultivating a relationship to myself and that I really feel like kind of has been the biggest area of growth developing this, like, quote unquote, secure ness and cultivating secure relationships in both family and platonic relationships with friends, as well as romantic relationships alone.

00;00;25;28 - 00;01;00;29
Thais Gibson
And welcome to the Personal Development School podcast. I am so excited you're here. I am your co-host, Thais Gibson, along with our new special host, Mike Vizio. This is a podcast that discusses everything related to integrated attachment theory, the new attachment theory, a long with the subconscious mind relationships, communication needs boundaries and so much more. Throughout this podcast, you'll see a series of episodes I upload with new information, educational tips, all about how to thrive in relationships and really master your emotional state in your life.

Along with special guests hosted by Mike DiZio to discuss all of these amazing topics and some longer form content. Thank you so much for being here and I really hope you enjoy this episode.

00;01;16;22 - 00;01;36;13
Mike DiZio
Hello everyone, and welcome to the Personal Development School Podcast. My name is Mike and I'm your host. I'm very excited for today's podcast. We have a guest from the Personal Development School, who I actually have known for quite a while. So Jake has been on his personal development journey for a little over three years, much of which has been in the personal development school.

00;01;37;13 - 00;02;00;29
Mike DiZio
Jake found himself going through a painful breakup, and this had him searching for answers to why he kept seeing the same patterns come up in his romantic relationships. So he made the investment into himself to start his own mental health and healing journey. Jake works as a physiotherapist and he's recently been certified an integrated attachment theory program and recently started his coaching journey.

00;02;01;20 - 00;02;21;20
Mike DiZio
Jake loves to share his knowledge that he's learned and help others grow through their own self-discovery process and empower people with the tools to take charge of their lives. Jake hopes that those who are listening will be inspired by his story and be motivated to go deeper into learning about themselves. Ladies and gentlemen, this is Jake Jaffe. Hey, Jake.

00;02;21;20 - 00;02;22;12
Mike DiZio
How you doing today?

00;02;22;19 - 00;02;24;11
Jake Jaffe
Hey. Good about you. Thanks for having me.

00;02;25;07 - 00;02;31;16
Mike DiZio
For sure. Really glad to have you here. So, just to start off, Jake, can you just kind of briefly tell us about your background?

00;02;32;03 - 00;03;04;22
Jake Jaffe
Yeah, well, professionally, outside of my personal development stuff, I practice physical therapy, as you mentioned, and I'm still currently active, I guess, actively treating patients. I've been doing well in the personal development school for about three years. And that opportunity, as you spoke about earlier, brought me to the Iot training or the integrated attachment theory training as a means of continued deep dive into the material as well as an interest in how that may apply to some of my patients that I treat.

00;03;05;06 - 00;03;12;23
Jake Jaffe
And then as is like a little bit of a novelty, possibly doing some coaching on the side to get some of those novelty needs met in my career.

00;03;13;24 - 00;03;33;01
Mike DiZio
That's great. Thank you for sharing that. So I just wanted to kind of dig into your sort of story and what brought you to personal development school and things like that. So I was wondering like, was there a catalyst, like a rock bottom moment situation that kind of opened you up to diving into your own personal healing journey?

00;03;33;22 - 00;04;04;05
Jake Jaffe
Yeah, Rock bottom moment right off the bat might make me get a little vulnerable here. So, yeah, I definitely had that moment, like many others who joined the school and find themselves after, like a breakup. This was in a relationship with a father who Linda And at the time I was failing in AP. It was a pretty highly codependent relationship with plenty of investments sprinkled on top there and some good old fashioned resentment that had built up over time.

00;04;04;09 - 00;04;25;10
Jake Jaffe
It was sort of funny because that ex had sort of introduced me to the idea of self self work as well as that development during the relationship. It was also the catalyst to me actually putting that into practice. So it was kind of find that funny. AS Yeah, that's super interesting. So I ended up started going to therapy.

00;04;25;15 - 00;04;45;08
Jake Jaffe
I was bingeing self-help books to try to fan the dang flame of that relationship. My therapist at the time had mentioned at the end of the session that I should get in touch with my emotions. So I was motivated. I was like, Hell yeah, let's go do that. Only to get home and realize that I had no idea how to get in touch with my emotions.

00;04;45;21 - 00;05;02;14
Jake Jaffe
So I ended up going on YouTube. I literally typed in word for word, like, How do you get in touch with your emotions? Some videos came up. I started bingeing that, and then eventually some places videos popped up and the like suggested column and the algorithm did its work and I was kind of hooked after that.

00;05;02;27 - 00;05;20;08
Mike DiZio
Wow. That's really interesting. It's so true. Like, sometimes people tell you these things like, Yeah, get in touch with your emotions are, Oh, you just got to set a boundary. But like, if you don't know how to and you've never really been taught, then it's, it's really not as easy as just like, oh, okay, I'll just, you know, get in touch with my emotions.

00;05;20;24 - 00;05;41;26
Mike DiZio
That was really cool how, you know, you got something out of the relationship, even though it's painful, even though, you know, it wasn't it was hard in the end. But you said you still gained something. They showed you kind of some of the things that you're learning and have learned along the way. So I guess there's always sort of things you can take from a relationship, even even if it ends up really, really bad.

00;05;42;12 - 00;05;59;21
Jake Jaffe
Absolutely. I find I'm sure other people can relate that some of the most painful moments in our lives ended up being some of the biggest catalysts for change. And what ends up happening is that kind of transforms you into the person that you are. So as much as it sucks in the moment and it kind of hurts and stings.

00;05;59;24 - 00;06;09;01
Jake Jaffe
Looking back, I've always been, you know, after some time, always been really thankful because that relationship is what got me to where I am now.

00;06;09;01 - 00;06;25;12
Mike DiZio
So that's great. That's a really great perspective there. Yeah. So obviously, you know, you took the integrated attachment theory training, so attachment theory, you're very well versed and know about. I'm just curious, do you remember when you first sort of heard about attachment theory in the beginning?

00;06;25;28 - 00;07;01;03
Jake Jaffe
Yeah, it was. Shortly thereafter, I dove into the YouTube videos and kind of found tapes was my first exposure to attachment styles or any kind of conversation about that and kind of, I guess Tastes introduces this idea of developing this intentional consciousness into your life, which was very much like a polar opposite of how I had been living at the time and just kind of like mildly coasting excuse me, mindlessly coasting through life, just bouncing off the walls of my wounds and kind of like unmet needs.

00;07;01;17 - 00;07;06;23
Jake Jaffe
And so that was kind of for me, my first exposure to hearing about attachment to be.

00;07;07;11 - 00;07;25;28
Mike DiZio
An excellent thanks for sharing. So when you first discovered, you know, attachment styles and attachment theory, what was the hardest thing about your attachment style that was causing you the most issues? And actually what attachment style did you figure out that you were when you first found out about attachment theory?

00;07;26;25 - 00;08;16;28
Jake Jaffe
Yeah. Well, when I got into the school, I was fairly sure I was anxious or AP or anxious, preoccupied. I had, however you want to look at it, I took a bunch of the aid courses. And then actually, as I as I sort of got out of that relationship, that anxious, I would say cleared up pretty quickly and very much found that the foundation for me as far as my attachment style was actually more f the the hardest thing for me was as far as like the at bay attachment style was the, the extremes that I think people like leaning more anxious and more avoidant and I guess going from that, that place of anxious

00;08;16;28 - 00;08;39;14
Jake Jaffe
ness to the avoidance just always felt like a roller coaster. And sometimes I think as just as felt like I was completely insane, you know, is like, how is it that you can so crave this proximity and closeness to someone? And then later that day you're like, I could never see this. I'd be okay if I never saw this person again, you know?

00;08;39;14 - 00;09;08;08
Jake Jaffe
And it just feels like this. This just such like polar opposite ends of the spectrum that I think for me was really hard to understand, like being in the experience and I found it really overwhelming. And to have found PDS, I think really, or the personal development school, I guess I should say, it really helped me to, I guess more so saved me from that chaos and kind of brought some sense of calm for me.

00;09;08;27 - 00;09;16;10
Mike DiZio
That's amazing. That's great to hear. So what would you say is one of your biggest areas of growth through healing your attachment style?

00;09;17;07 - 00;09;58;12
Jake Jaffe
Well, I would say it was a journey and I think it the intention was different things at different times. And I think initially I was really looking to heal my relationship with my ex, and I think that's where maybe some others who have come into the school or coming into the school can relate to feeling like, Hey, how is it that I really saved this relationship and what is it that I can do to get this person back and where my journey went and what I think is a really beautiful thing that comes out of PDS and something that I, you know, having been in the school for quite some time, I've been able to

00;09;58;12 - 00;10;16;19
Jake Jaffe
see is this transition of seeing people come in. They go to the webinars and they go to the different coaching or training sessions and they talk about, you know, they ask these questions about how do I get my person back and how do I get my day back or FE or whatever. But it's not very often a DA asking how they get their AP back.

00;10;17;02 - 00;10;38;00
Jake Jaffe
But you see this like externally focused questions. And what happens is as they get more and more of the material and as they do the work and the reprograming and meeting their own needs, you notice that these questions slowly transition into, well, how is it that I feel myself? How is it, you know, this wound came up and how is it that I address that?

00;10;38;00 - 00;11;02;13
Jake Jaffe
And it's less about the external experience and more about healing the internal environment and creating a relationship to themselves that I think is just a really, really beautiful transition and experience. And so I would say mine transitioned very similarly in the fact that I came to PDC essentially to try to get this person back into my life, and I ended up cultivating a relationship to myself.

00;11;02;28 - 00;11;19;24
Jake Jaffe
And that I really feel like kind of has been the biggest area of growth and developing this like quote unquote secure ness and cultivating secure relationships in both, you know, family and platonic relationships with friends as well as romantic relationships.

00;11;19;24 - 00;11;46;09
Mike DiZio
So that's amazing. And I love that. And I've seen that, you know, many times where people come into the school, like you said, maybe due to a breakup, really painful. Maybe they want tips and tools on sort of how to win their ex back. But then they start to slowly realize that, you know, when I work on myself, I'm going to be healing wounds that, you know, have been causing me problems my whole life, probably in all my past relationships.

00;11;46;27 - 00;12;03;07
Mike DiZio
When you heal those wounds, then you're going to be attracting a lot more secure relationships, you know, friendships. You're going to be speaking up more. You're going to be asking for your needs to be met. You're going to be setting boundaries. You're basically learning to do the things that you know you need to do to have a healthy relationship.

00;12;03;07 - 00;12;30;15
Mike DiZio
And yes, winning your back can be nice and can kind of feel good for a while. But really, if you haven't changed anything internally and your ex-partner hasn't changed anything internally, probably very quickly after, it's going to be the same reasons, you know, the same issues are going to come up and probably won't last. But it is really beautiful how people come into school and they get to work on themselves and sort of see the results of how things change around them.

00;12;31;01 - 00;12;54;13
Mike DiZio
It's really hard to control things outside of you, but you can control sort of yourself. So that's sort of the most power you can have there. So that's that's empowering, definitely. Yeah. So you kind of touched on it, but like how is attachment theory and healing your attachment style change your relationship specifically like with your family, with your friends, romantic relationships?

00;12;54;13 - 00;12;59;12
Mike DiZio
Can you touch on any specific relationship changes that you've noticed over the last three years?

00;12;59;26 - 00;13;38;13
Jake Jaffe
Oh, absolutely. I feel like it's hard to say. I don't know. I feel like it changed everything. And maybe that's a little cliche, but, you know, like specifically my ability to speak up for myself, my ability to set boundaries, asking for my needs in relationship and feeling like sees me like I can take up enough space to even be in a relationship with somebody, you know, meeting my own needs, resolving conflict, recognizing what other wounds are coming up in somebody else, and being able to have a conversation about, you know, hey, I see this coming up.

00;13;38;24 - 00;14;01;22
Jake Jaffe
You know, how is it that you and I can work together to kind of resolve these things? So even just having, like the language to communicate what is coming up, because that's definitely not something I had in the past or even would have ever brought up, You know, I think in the past it would have just been like, Hey, how do I like shove this down deeper and never touch you in a relationship?

00;14;01;22 - 00;14;14;06
Jake Jaffe
So to kind of have that capacity to speak up for myself and hold space for my partner and it's hard to say. It has touched to like just one thing. It's it's really been kind of everything.

00;14;14;24 - 00;14;42;28
Mike DiZio
Best so great to hear that's inspiring. And I know you say like before, I know my my sort of second highest percentage before was felt. So I have some say, tendencies and triggers and whatnot, but I felt not empowered to speak up for my needs. I didn't feel I knew how to set boundaries. So I've internalized anything. And if someone was doing something that wasn't, you know, good for me, what I would do is just kind of cut them off.

00;14;43;13 - 00;15;04;23
Mike DiZio
Yeah. And push them out of my life. And they were probably very confused. But for me I was like, Well, I'm not going to let somebody treat me like that. But really, I never spoke up and I never really gave them a chance to sort of change their behavior, or at least, you know, maybe they didn't recognize that they were were triggering me or maybe saying something that was bothering me.

00;15;04;23 - 00;15;23;22
Mike DiZio
So, yeah, it's there's something about learning those skills. So then you can kind of stay stay in the fire and at least try to work on whatever is going on before you just give up on it. Yeah, that. Would you say that was your experience? Sometimes. Would you sometimes cut people out because you didn't know how to communicate to what you needed?

00;15;24;05 - 00;15;47;07
Jake Jaffe
I think what ended up happening for me is like, I think my fear of rejection and abandonment was probably a bit higher. And so I was always concerned. Like, I think that's where I probably leaned a little more anxious in terms of like I always wanted to try to make it work like however I could. And if that meant like I put my own needs kind of second, then that's like that was what was happening.

00;15;47;20 - 00;16;09;06
Jake Jaffe
And then eventually what would go on is like that would build up over time and then then, you know, some little thing would happen and then I'd be, you know, I'm not much of a yeller and I never have been. But that's where I would, like, push people away is like once it got to this point of like I'm just like, so sick and tired of like, you know, essentially not speaking up for my needs, you know, not having the awareness to say it or recognize that.

00;16;09;06 - 00;16;12;17
Jake Jaffe
But then that's like, now I need space from this person right?

00;16;12;17 - 00;16;14;21
Mike DiZio
Right. And then you kind of blow up that way.

00;16;14;21 - 00;16;26;07
Jake Jaffe
You're like, I would never blow up at the person, okay. But it would be, you know, maybe some like passive aggression or by.

00;16;27;12 - 00;16;27;25
Mike DiZio
Trying.

00;16;27;25 - 00;16;32;28
Jake Jaffe
To communicate what's going on without having the tools to communicate what was going.

00;16;32;28 - 00;16;37;20
Mike DiZio
Yeah, interesting. So, yeah, definitely it was my avoidance. I would cut people out.

00;16;37;28 - 00;16;39;09
Jake Jaffe
Yeah. Now we're done.

00;16;39;29 - 00;16;52;22
Mike DiZio
Yeah, we're done here. Yeah. Okay, great. Thanks for sharing that. Yeah. So as far as the personal development school goes, like what? How did you hear about it, first of all? And what prompted you to join after you heard about it?

00;16;53;04 - 00;17;16;19
Jake Jaffe
Yeah, as we kind of discussed, I heard about it through some of the YouTube well, through Tice's YouTube channel. And as soon as I found it, I just kind of started binge watching all of Tice's videos just because at some point you kind of recognize like, holy crap, like this person finally is describing my experience like they get me, you know?

00;17;17;15 - 00;17;46;15
Jake Jaffe
And to feel that scene, I think, is what leads a lot of people to fall in love with this material. And so this was like 2019, I think, or so. And so kind of like discovered it through Discover This School of Discovered taking personal development school through the videos. And then I kept hearing tastes talk about like, Oh, there's this school that I like.

00;17;47;01 - 00;18;07;07
Jake Jaffe
And I honestly I completely thought it was like a scam. It was like, this is like going to be anything great, blah, blah, blah. And I put it off. But I like kept listening to her videos and like, I kept hearing her mention at the end of the videos and it kind of got to this point where, you know, that relationship had totally ended.

00;18;07;25 - 00;18;34;00
Jake Jaffe
And I was just like, All right, I'm committing to this like developed, like personal development self-growth, like however you want to describe it, this, this journey. And like, I'm going to take this step of joining the school as kind of like my first investment into myself. And so that was kind of my prompt of like, All right, give it a shot.

00;18;35;04 - 00;18;48;10
Jake Jaffe
You don't have to love it. You know, I think I did like at three months membership or something at first and was like, it's only three months. You know, if you don't like it, who cares? But at least, you know, take that step for you. And so that's kind of how I do it.

00;18;49;00 - 00;19;14;26
Mike DiZio
That's great. You mentioned, you know, watching the YouTube videos and her explanation of of things really resonated with you previous to that. Did you think like, jeez, I got problems and I feel like nobody can really point to what's going on here? Like, did you feel like you were sort of suffering alone and that you were you didn't really know the path out of it or you didn't know sort of anybody else who was going through the same type of thing.

00;19;15;25 - 00;19;46;04
Jake Jaffe
Yeah, very much so. Yeah. I think feeling alone in it was like a very accurate way to describe it because like I would go to my friends and talk to my friends and they could sort of like give me bits and pieces. But it was always from like their experience. So it never totally like, although some of the advice was like, Oh yeah, okay, that I see that or I get that there is always, I guess, like something missing and that the therapist I had at that time wasn't like a super great fit.

00;19;46;04 - 00;20;07;21
Jake Jaffe
And I just realized that I didn't feel like I was getting anywhere. I felt like I was talking about it, which is helpful. But I wasn't making any progress. I wasn't moving forward. I wasn't like nothing felt any better. It was just like, I'm just in this crap, you know, to avoid an expletive and just like, felt like crap all the time.

00;20;07;21 - 00;20;19;26
Jake Jaffe
And I was like, I hate this feeling. Like, how do I get out of it? Like, my therapist is helping. My friends aren't helping. Like I don't have any tools to do this. So yeah, like, felt it felt very stuck in it.

00;20;20;15 - 00;20;24;14
Mike DiZio
Yeah. Wow. I'm so glad you. You found personal development school?

00;20;24;16 - 00;20;28;10
Jake Jaffe
Yeah, we do have a super.

00;20;28;10 - 00;20;49;20
Thais Gibson
I just want to jump in here and let you know that we are doing a 14 day free trial, which means you get access to the personal development school and everything we have going on. On the other side for free for 14 days. That means you get access to the four live webinars I do every single week. You can come in, you can ask me questions with your camera on, we can chat, you can leave your camera off if you prefer, or type your questions in the chat.

00;20;49;20 - 00;21;11;03
Thais Gibson
There's lots of opportunity to get your questions answered and on top of that you get access to all of our different courses. We have over 55 different courses on relationships, communication boundaries, emotional mastery, guilt and shame, learning your needs, so many different facets that are really important to master our lives and feel really good about our lives going forward.

00;21;11;13 - 00;21;30;20
Thais Gibson
And last but not least, there's also community elements in there. So there's a daily community event, whether it's practicing communication or doing a guided morning routine or a guided reprograming exercise. We have trained facilitators and coaches who are in there doing that work, showing up to support you on your journey every single day. So I would love to see you on the other side.

00;21;30;20 - 00;21;49;04
Thais Gibson
There's lots of exciting stuff in there and we have had a 99.7% NPS score, which means we have literally that many people who report being really successful apprize and wanting to recommend us to others. And it was all done anonymously. So I felt really honored that everybody shared that. So thank you to those who did. But yeah, please join me on the other side.

00;21;49;04 - 00;21;55;07
Thais Gibson
Come check it out, see if it's a book for you. I'd love to see you there.

00;21;55;07 - 00;22;13;08
Mike DiZio
You know, in the school, there's a lot of tools and exercises that we teach. You took the Integrated Attachment Theory program. You probably learned a lot of tools within there. What tool can you kind of point to that you found to be sort of the most helpful or the most impactful? If you want to let our viewers know that?

00;22;13;08 - 00;22;44;11
Jake Jaffe
Yeah, I think the most eye opening one for me excuse me was the auto suggestion or the thought reprograming and tell you. So it talks about how we have all these unconscious thoughts that are running all the time. And I had a lot of thoughts that I felt like I had a lot of those and calling those into my conscious awareness and then being able to take the time to change that script or that narrative for me was really helpful.

00;22;44;17 - 00;23;05;23
Jake Jaffe
And I feel like it was kind of a big step for me in the sense of like I felt like, you know, earlier I talked about like feeling really stuck and like, I wasn't getting anywhere and just like, that little thing or what felt like a little thing felt like it just kind of catapulted me into this, like, oh, like I can do something I can do, you know?

00;23;06;10 - 00;23;15;19
Jake Jaffe
And so that, that for me, I mean, there's lots and lots of tools. But personally for me when on my journey, that was what I felt or found really, really helpful.

00;23;16;10 - 00;23;20;26
Mike DiZio
That's excellent. And you're going to get to show that to lots of people with your coaching.

00;23;20;26 - 00;23;23;14
Jake Jaffe
So that's yeah, looking forward to it.

00;23;24;02 - 00;23;44;17
Mike DiZio
So just to change gears a bit, I'm just going to ask a few questions. We'd like to know sort of what people are doing on a daily basis, kind of regular type things. You know, we can get lost in trying to heal this whole big, you know, childhood trauma and attachment trauma and all that kind of stuff. But I think it's really important to know what people are sort of doing on a micro level as well.

00;23;45;05 - 00;23;52;04
Mike DiZio
So, you know, we hear a lot about self-care. So I was wondering what does self-care look like for Jake?

00;23;52;04 - 00;24;13;25
Jake Jaffe
Yeah, it's a it's a mix. It for me often entails I really enjoy journaling. I find it super helpful to get kind of my thoughts out of my head. I go to the gym pretty regularly and that kind of access is like a form of meditation and a means of reducing stress. For me. And similarly to that note, I really love hiking.

00;24;14;13 - 00;24;37;17
Jake Jaffe
I think there's something about being outside and in nature, just like something about putting my body like physically on autopilot, doing something hard. So like my body's just like, all right, like, go do that. And I have like, some time to kind of sit with my thoughts. And again, similar to the, like going to the gym as it just feels like really, really meditative for me.

00;24;37;17 - 00;25;06;02
Jake Jaffe
And I can just like, dive really deep and then something new that I actually just incorporated or have been incorporating is sensory deprivation tanks, right? And that's been really fun and kind of like a different way of getting into meditation than like I do or have meditated. But I've always had trouble and I feel like getting much out of it is like literally, you're like, it's pitch black, You can't hear anything, you can't feel anything.

00;25;06;02 - 00;25;14;02
Jake Jaffe
You can't see. You know, it's just like a very forced deep meditation. And I'll feel calm for like a week after I do that.

00;25;14;10 - 00;25;17;23
Mike DiZio
Well, really? Yeah. How long are you in the tank for?

00;25;18;09 - 00;25;20;25
Jake Jaffe
The place that I go to, it's 90 minutes, so, like an hour now.

00;25;21;01 - 00;25;33;11
Mike DiZio
Wow, that's really great. Yeah. Imagine after a while, you just kind of feel like a floating consciousness. Like you don't feel your body, like you don't hear anything. You just literally feel like you're just. You're just being.

00;25;33;28 - 00;25;54;19
Jake Jaffe
Yeah, it's pretty wild. Like, there's times where I experience that, like my so obviously, like, you're stationary, but you'll feel like you're like your whole body is rotating. Really? Yeah. I felt that like, you know, you're laying on your back because you can't breathe water. And I felt like I've been like, it's like I'm standing up, but like, obviously I'm still laying down.

00;25;54;19 - 00;26;06;24
Jake Jaffe
So a lot of, like, really interesting, unique experiences and sensations and yeah, just sort of like a, I don't know, like a great way to have like some mental digestion time, I guess.

00;26;07;01 - 00;26;19;24
Mike DiZio
Yeah. Unreal. Those are great self-care rituals. Yeah. Speaking of rituals, is there any, like non-negotiable rituals that you like kind of have to do every day to, like, keep you in a good place, keep you grounded?

00;26;20;22 - 00;26;51;14
Jake Jaffe
I know. Tell you, you would say you should have something every day. I don't do a great job of, like, doing things every day. My life's a little chaotic. I guess that's an excuse. But no, like I would say, there's something that I end up doing every day. So I would say I try to journal every day. It doesn't always happen, but if I'm not journaling, then I'm going to be at the gym or like hiking or doing this, you know, sensory deprivation tank or there's always at find some form of like self-care in my day.

00;26;52;00 - 00;27;06;01
Mike DiZio
So yeah, that's great. Yeah. Okay. And just for the viewers and listeners out there, like, can you share a tip for tool strategy? Just something with our audience that might help people live a more fulfilling life?

00;27;06;28 - 00;27;27;15
Jake Jaffe
Yeah, well, I think the best tip that I can share while you're on your I like to use the word journey, but is the capacity to be kind and gentle with yourself while you go through this personal development journey. There's times that it feels like you're going to be moving backwards. There's times that you're going to feel like you haven't moved at all.

00;27;28;11 - 00;27;50;24
Jake Jaffe
It's, you know, a little bit of a cliche, but it's not a linear path. Everyone has their slips, their missteps, definitely myself included. But they aren't signs that you're not progressing or moving forward. They're literally just reminders that there's some work to do and you can complete it at your own pace. Everybody is on their own journey, so don't compare yourself to other people.

00;27;51;06 - 00;27;55;03
Jake Jaffe
But yeah, I guess a big thing is being with yourself.

00;27;55;19 - 00;28;16;15
Mike DiZio
Definitely. That's huge and comparison. Like you said, let's look at the quote comparisons. The Thief of Joy. Yeah, so true, because you know, the social media and all that kind of stuff, it's very easy to compare yourself, but, you know, you're seeing people's highlights and best moments. But I'm not supposed to be in gentle. What's that joke? Sorry.

00;28;16;15 - 00;28;39;07
Jake Jaffe
No, I was just saying, like, even within the school, right. We're around a lot of other people who are going through and learning a lot of the same stuff. But, you know, I'm the slow learner, right? So it's like, you know, when I join the school, I see all these people who joined the school and I'm competitive, which can bite you, but like, you're on your journey, they're on their journey.

00;28;39;08 - 00;28;52;29
Jake Jaffe
They may pick some things up a little quicker than you, or they are coming in with some different tools, or maybe they've done some of their own reading that kind of integrates with this stuff a little differently. So yeah, right.

00;28;53;14 - 00;29;19;18
Mike DiZio
So Jake, as a fearful avoidant, you know, he's done a lot of work on healing or attachment style. I was wondering like if there's somebody who's maybe just learned they're fearful, avoidant or just starting to understand their attachment style, might feel a little scared, intimidated to do the healing work. Can you kind of give insight into what things are like sort of three years later, what they might have to look forward to if they dive into the healing journey?

00;29;20;06 - 00;29;40;11
Jake Jaffe
Yeah, so I can say life isn't the roller coaster that it used to be. As you do the work, you'll notice those peaks and valleys smoothed out. It becomes less of like a vertical drop or rise, and that kind of smooths more out into like a rolling hills, if that makes any sense. I can understand the fear of jumping in and starting to work, are starting to do the work.

00;29;40;11 - 00;30;09;05
Jake Jaffe
Excuse me. And it feels like a big process. A lot of unknowns. Will it even work out too broken, Right? All these big scary beliefs that come up when we look at change or doing something we haven't done before. And nothing, nothing is more important than you are to yourself or your relationship to yourself. And learning about yourself and gaining the tools to understand your wounds and your needs, how you cope and your emotions.

00;30;09;05 - 00;30;15;13
Jake Jaffe
So I won't tell you that it's going to be easy, but I will tell you that it's gonna be by far the most rewarding thing that you've ever done.

00;30;16;19 - 00;30;30;02
Mike DiZio
That's really beautiful. I really like that. Thank you. Okay, so, Jake, I just wondering, like, what services you're offering these days. Is it one on one coaching or what? What are you offering these days that we can let the viewers know about?

00;30;30;20 - 00;30;52;08
Jake Jaffe
Yeah. So I'm going to be doing some coaching instead of PDFs so you can find me in the school. If that's something that interests you. I'll also be doing some Q&A webinars coming up, and they should have those days up on the schedule. If you go and look in there and as far as like personal development stuff within the school, I think that's that's about it.

00;30;52;08 - 00;30;52;17
Jake Jaffe
Yeah.

00;30;53;07 - 00;31;12;07
Mike DiZio
No, that's great. So for anyone who is not in PDS, if you really want to see Jake a little more, come join the personal development. He's going to be around a lot. And then lastly, how can people get in touch with you if somebody, let's say, did want to reach out to you and do one on one personal coaching or they can they reach out to you?

00;31;12;07 - 00;31;14;01
Mike DiZio
Or do you have like social media that you.

00;31;14;10 - 00;31;28;15
Jake Jaffe
Yeah. Derek do social media. My name is Jake Jaffe and you can look me up on Facebook. It's exactly Matt Jaffe spelled J SSA or on Instagram. It's subject. Jaffe dot one.

00;31;28;15 - 00;31;46;03
Mike DiZio
Yeah. Okay. And we'll put those in the show notes as well. If anybody wants to give Jake a little like her subscription there for Instagram or Facebook, well, that's that was really great, Jake. Like, literally, thank you so much for sharing your experience and and what you've been through and sort of your journey and what that's looked like.

00;31;46;18 - 00;31;58;03
Mike DiZio
Really appreciate the time that you took to let our viewers know. And yeah, I hope we see you again. Maybe we'll do this again at some point in the future. And yeah, I had a great time. I hope you did too.

00;31;58;03 - 00;31;59;29
Jake Jaffe
Absolutely. It's always a pleasure chatting with you, Mike.

00;32;00;10 - 00;32;03;13
Mike DiZio
Okay, Jake, Have a good one.