00:00:00:03 - 00:00:25:05
Thais Gibson
So let's talk about the .fearful avoidants ideal relationship. And I want to break this down in the context of the fear whole point needs. Now, if you don't know what the .fearful avoidants is, if you're a fool, avoidance is essentially the hot and cold partner in relationships. They are the individual that tends to be very warm and very present and very available, but they can also get really cold feet around commitment and vulnerability and not wanting to be too open.

00:00:25:05 - 00:00:50:03
Thais Gibson
So the deeper they tend to attach relationships, the more they can be really hot and cold and it can feel like you're kind of on a roller coaster as a .fearful avoidants in relationships, or if you are with a fearful avoidant in relationships. So I want to go through and talk about some of the really important needs if you're following highs and when these needs are met and relationships, if they're really fulfilled really consistently, generally, it's a great way of stepping off the roller coaster.

00:00:50:12 - 00:01:09:10
Thais Gibson
There still is a triggering part. You know, fearful winds can have triggers and or wounds. And when we look at that, we can sort of look at that as a separate element of relationships and how that can affect us. But when it's fearful, when looking for like their ideal partner, like who's the perfect person to date, what needs or qualities they should be needing, We're going to cover that.

00:01:09:10 - 00:01:29:13
Thais Gibson
And there are ten major ones we can think of when it comes to our needs needs as basically being like the lifeblood of a relationship. So it's like if these needs are met in a relationship between, let's say, what my needs are and what your needs are, and there's this reciprocal meeting of needs that's like the lifeblood that allows the relationship to sustain itself.

00:01:29:21 - 00:01:55:15
Thais Gibson
So just like the body has specific needs, it has to get that to ensure survival, So does a person's personality and relationship. So like a relationship to ensure survival has to have a reciprocity of specific needs being met. So the fearful avoidant or this hot and cold partner, they tend to have those different polarities of their personality. Now, this is actually taken from integrated attachment theory, which is a whole body of work that we published back in 2019.

00:01:55:15 - 00:02:20:12
Thais Gibson
I think all about the different attachment styles and how each of the major attachment cells has unique needs, unique wear wounds, emotional patterns, behavioral patterns, communication patterns and relationships that are boundaries. And becoming secretly attached means targeting those six key things. Now, the fearful avoidant tends to in relationships want a lot of depth backs need. Number one, if there's a lot of depth of connection, like you go deep, you have deep conversations.

00:02:20:20 - 00:02:47:12
Thais Gibson
You aren't afraid to work on the relationship, do the work, show up, have, you know, really interesting philosophical conversations, sometimes sort of all of those different things together. That's a massive need for .fearful avoidants. Trivial ones are also very passionate people. They tend to want a lot of passion in their relationships. And this doesn't have to mean, you know, the passion in the way that the fearful avoidant sometimes is used to getting it, which is like the passion comes from the thrill of the ride, thrill of the roller coaster.

00:02:47:17 - 00:03:08:13
Thais Gibson
It can just be that you're like, you know, showing up, going all in, making an effort, doing things that you're passionate about in a relationship together, like working towards common goals and having discussions about them. Like, a lot of that passion is really important for a .fearful avoidants. Another big one is trust. And verbal ones usually don't realize just how important this is to them.

00:03:08:22 - 00:03:34:00
Thais Gibson
And trust isn't just trust in general, it's also context. Fearful ones tend to really want transparency. They want to know what's going on and why people are doing the things that they do. And the more they have insight into your behavior, the more they're like, okay, you know, I understand why my partner does what they're doing, or if you are fearful of lying, the more you insight into other behaviors and understand the why behind things, usually the safer you feel and the more you tend to trust somebody.

00:03:34:00 - 00:03:49:05
Thais Gibson
The next one is presence. They really want to feel like somebody is there and sees them and hear them and understands them and really wants to connect with them. And presence is a big act of love and relationships. The more present we are with somebody, it's kind of like, Hey, we're unconditionally here for you. The next one is safety.

00:03:49:11 - 00:04:10:04
Thais Gibson
This is again like kind of a tricky one for us because they usually don't realize that they need safety. And if you're watching this so far, you probably notice that the travel warnings have these like kind of contradictory needs which represent both the anxious and avoidance side of their personality. So if you look, they have like this depth, the passion, the connection, and then they have like safety, trust, you know, presence, these sort of lighter needs.

00:04:10:04 - 00:04:42:16
Thais Gibson
And it represents those two different polarities of fearful, avoidant highs. And it's really interesting because when somebody is dating a fearful one, you have to kind of like be able to meet both sides of their their needs. Right. The part of them that really wants a safety and trust at a deeper level. But the part of them that you still need to have that like passion and growth and novelty, By the way, actually, if you want to do a deep dive into the fearful avoidant attachment cell and look at their needs or wounds to a huge understanding of it, we actually have a fearful avoidant attachment cell reprograming course, and we guarantee a breakthrough at

00:04:42:16 - 00:05:16:15
Thais Gibson
the end of every single one of our courses, or we offer a full money back guarantee because we've had such tremendous results in terms of people's just relationships, changing their trajectory, like when you gain deep insight into your subconscious programs and what needs to be reconditioned, it will allow you to grow at a really rapid pace. And it's like if you're sick of feeling the same way for so long and going through the same motions over in relationships over and over again, and just kind of like getting the same outcomes, sometimes it just takes one crucial insight to change the entire path of how relationships work for you.

00:05:16:15 - 00:05:37:03
Thais Gibson
So that's what our course is aimed to do. So anyways, the next big one here is growth. Growth is obviously a huge one for .fearful avoidants. Sometimes it's funny because fearful wins of their they've been through a lot of trauma. They can have this huge need for growth, but they can sometimes feel frozen. And that has a lot to do with nervous system regulation work that has to be done, which also gets covered in PDFs in the courses.

00:05:37:03 - 00:05:58:02
Thais Gibson
You know, the next one is independence driven. Ones want to have that depth of connection, but they want to have the relationship to themselves, to and really what it means is like having time where they can pour into somebody and be poured into back and like have a lot of that like depth of connection, but also be able to have space to kind of do their own thing, you know, explore and try different things and, you know, just feel like they can maintain that relationship to themselves.

00:05:58:16 - 00:06:15:07
Thais Gibson
And it also goes hand-in-hand with freedom and novelty. Now, a lot of people will be like, Hey, how do you do both of those things in a relationship? Well, you know, you can do freedom and novelty seeking things with a partner, right? While also having depth of connection. And then you can have like a sectioned off time for your independent time, right?

00:06:15:07 - 00:06:34:17
Thais Gibson
If you are if you're full bodied, like maybe Sunday mornings is just your time, you do your thing and maybe you have a really great date night. That's you know, very in-depth, you know, on on one specific evening of the week. And you have your time sort of allocated to have time for you and your needs, but also have time to really deeply connect with your partner so they don't have to be like one or the other.

00:06:34:17 - 00:06:55:05
Thais Gibson
You can have both in your life, both sets of needs. Also, intimacy is really important. This kind of goes hand-in-hand with depths like just emotional intimacy, like feeling really close, connected physical intimacy can be really important for .fearful avoidants too. But even things like cuddling, physical affection, all of those dynamics around physical touch tend to be a pretty strong love language for a lot of .fearful avoidants.

00:06:55:12 - 00:07:12:19
Thais Gibson
And then last but not least, do feel wanted and really wanted means like to feel important, to feel like you matter to your partner, to feel like somebody is appreciative, to be with you. And that tends to be an important need for .fearful avoidants as well. So these are some of the top ones. Again, this is right out of integrated attachment theory, and I hope this makes a lot of sense to you.

00:07:13:01 - 00:07:15:09
Thais Gibson
Thank you so much for watching. Thank you for being here.