00:00:00:02 - 00:00:23:01
Thais Gibson
So if you've been following this channel for a while, you probably know that you're full of wardens, have these really strong two competing polarities. There's that part of themselves that really wants love, really wants connection, depth, emotional intimacy, intimacy in general. And then they have this polarizing side that fears commitment, wants to pull away, want to self protect, and is terrified to a certain degree of vulnerability.
00:00:23:10 - 00:00:46:08
Thais Gibson
And this largely comes from different attachment traumas in their childhood that we talk so much about on this channel specifically, I wanted to cover the three biggest commitment fears that fearful avoidant attachments I'll have on that more avoidance side because they're different from the fears of a dismissible boyband and they have these sort of deep underlying components that reflect some of their experiences from the past.
00:00:46:08 - 00:01:08:21
Thais Gibson
So the first major fear of commitment, especially if you are an FAA, listen to this. You can tackle some of these, right, If you're like harness and scared to commit. But I'm ready consciously. But my subconscious is pulling back. Or if you're just trying to understand as a loved one, as if of a .fearful avoidant as well. So the first one is because .fearful avoidant tend to be codependent and enmeshed very easily.
00:01:08:21 - 00:01:30:15
Thais Gibson
They fear losing the relationship to themselves. Fearful ones tend to play relationships in this way subconsciously and not intentionally, where they feel like it's like all about the relationship, or they can have a relationship to themselves and there's no in between. It's like all or nothing. And so there's this deep, subconscious fear as fearful wings are to attach that like they have to throw themselves away like that.
00:01:30:22 - 00:01:51:21
Thais Gibson
Their needs, their boundaries, their habits, their routines, their other areas of life, like friendships, or if they're passionate about their career, that those things have to go out the window and that it's just about the relationship. And it reflects trauma. Trauma breeds all or nothing thoughts as as one of two outputs, and it reflects enmeshment trauma from childhood.
00:01:51:21 - 00:02:23:22
Thais Gibson
It reflects this dynamic or in recent relationships it reflects is this concept or idea that it was like all in you have to pay so much more attention to everybody else's needs about your own in order to survive your environment. But that's not the way a securely attached relationship is supposed to be. And if you struggle with codependency and investment, if you recognize some of this, and if you constantly feel number two here, which is commitment, if you're number two, is that you have to give all of yourself and you have to actually give in to all of the expectations and pressure and needs of others at the expense of your own life.
00:02:23:23 - 00:02:44:21
Thais Gibson
This is this big like expectation, fear from your partner. If you see these two things in your pattern and you can check out our codependency course and it allows you to do a deep dive into everything related to codependency so you can come out the other side realizing you can have your needs, your boundaries, your relationship to yourself and your habits, and the other areas of life that are so meaningful to you.
00:02:45:04 - 00:03:08:00
Thais Gibson
Like friendships and family relationships and career and, you know, all these things. You want to create your dreams in the world and have a really healthy, thriving, impactful relationship. At the same time, they don't have to be one or the other. They don't have to be mutually exclusive. So anyways, you can check that out below for free. But commitment for number three is this idea that you will love and then get deeply hurt.
00:03:08:00 - 00:03:35:07
Thais Gibson
So this fear of loving and opening up and being vulnerable and trusting and then being abandoned or betrayed, and this tends to really make .fearful avoidant almost feel this sense of like as they get closer and closer, more connected to somebody else. It's almost like at the same time, the fear ignites. Like the more the love is there, the more the fear is there, because there's usually this deep subconscious belief or assumption that it's going to end badly at some point, something terrible is going to happen.
00:03:35:07 - 00:03:59:13
Thais Gibson
And this reflects limiting beliefs because of past traumas, and this also reflects this limited ability to a certain degree, for lack of a better way of describing it. There's limited ability to realize that you can work through things, that you can communicate through problems, you can resolve things. And there may be moments where people make mistakes in relationships, like forget to do something that you asked them or running late to something.
00:03:59:19 - 00:04:24:23
Thais Gibson
And those are solvable by having discussions and learning to hash them out. And also, the more you set boundaries and share yourself with somebody, the more somebody can know you and better take you into consideration, which is a huge ingredient in relationship to trust. And, you know, when when we can choose the right people, when we can vet people properly and then have important discussions to work through things, we can have really great outcomes in relationships for the long haul.
00:04:25:17 - 00:04:44:14
Thais Gibson
But I think that so many fearful ones, because they usually don't make it past the power struggle stage of relationships can end up feeling really stuck and then sort of feeding into this belief system that that actually acts as a sabotage, a sabotaging factor or a saboteur for the relationship later on. So three really important things take into consideration, definitely three things you want to work through.
00:04:44:14 - 00:04:53:01
Thais Gibson
If you find yourself struggling with this as a .fearful avoidant and I hope this makes a lot of sense, let me know what your commitment fears are down below if you feel like sharing.
